Last Post

Hi.  This is my last vlog post.  I have decided to end my blog and concentrate on YiuTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and my Facebook Lives on my group Dream. Imagine. Believe. Achieve.  I will keep my blog up so you can have access to past posts.  Email me anytime with questions regarding posts or my coaching services.  amy@acnlifecoach.com.  My website is www.acnlifecoach.com.  You can find all the links to social media accounts there.  Best wishes.

Vlog: When Someone Believes In You

When someone believes in you:  What does that do for you?

• Helps you believe in yourself
• Fosters confidence building
• Builds self-respect
• Offers you hope
• Spurs you to seek out opportunities of self-fulfillment
• Gives you energy

Maybe you feel different, angry, nervous, or insecure.  Can you imagine what someone's belief in you would do for you?  Wow!  It could be life-changing.

But also, dig deep to find belief in yourself.

• You have to believe in yourself in order for your dreams to come true and your life to be fulfilling.
• Nobody can give that to you.  They can believe in you, but if that belief doesn't transfer to you, it won't do you any good.
• And you need to be ready to receive that belief and run with it and use it for good.

Do you have someone in your life who believes in you?  What has that done for your confidence, your self-respect, your productivity?

Who has believed in you?  A teacher, a parent, a spouse?  Maybe a friend, a member of the clergy, a boss?  Could be a doctor, nurse, therapist, a coach.  Who was it in your case?  I'd love to hear about them.

Vlog: Exercising With Chronic Health Issues

Hi there!  I got up early to exercise this morning.  I got a great workout exercising along to Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds 3-Mile DVD.  Yay!  When the alarm went off, I thought, oh no, but I got up, got going and was glad I did.  Her DVD's are adaptable, fun, and offer up a really good workout.  And, I'm being paid to say that!  I've been using her videos for years. 

Do you have chronic health issues?  If so, do you exercise?  Whether you can walk or not, in most cases there are exercises you can do.  Don't listen to the naysayers that discourage you because they think you're unable to exercise or that you'll just make a mistake and get hurt.  Please, you're not a two year old.  You know your body and that it's important to take care of it.   Listen to it and exercise!  But, please, the first thing you need to do is check with your doctor to see what exercises you can and cannot do relative to your chronic health issues.  Then pick exercises that are fun for you to do and take it slow.  You want to challenge yourself, yes, but you don't want to hurt yourself.  You may even want to talk with a personal trainer, exercise scientist, fitness coach, or physical therapist to get tips on where to start, what exercises to do, and so on.  You can also ask me questions if you like since I was a fitness coach for eight years.  I still know a thing or two about fitness.  And if I don't know the answer, I can refer you to someone who may be able to help you.  

Exercise doesn't just help you lose weight, it can reduce the risk of certain diseases, boost your mood, improve your sleep, and much more.  So, get out there, find out what you can and cannot do, and have fun--for life!

Vlog: Yes, You Can Work With Chronic Health Issues

Hey there!  I'm back after taking Fourth of July week off from vlogging.  Hope everyone celebrating it had a great time.

I've heard lots of people with spina bifida and other chronic health issues say they can't work, don't work because of their health.  This is surprising and discouraging.  I realize that your ability to work depends on the severity of your health problems, but in many cases, as long as you check with your doctor about what you can and cannot do, you should be able to work at some type of job.

Where can you work?

Home

• I've tutored English as a second language
• I had a typing and design business
• I wrote articles for Spina Bifida Association of America's magazine
• Fitness coach
• Life coach

All from home!

Office in town

Temp agency

• I spent about two years working at various businesses as a temp employee

In a coffee shop

• Take your laptop along and work from there.

In the park

At the library

• Take your laptop or Ipad along.  Maybe even reserve conference or meeting room there.

At a community center

• You can reserve a meeting room there to hold a workshop or other type of work-related event

At the kitchen table

• I tutor ESL students at my kitchen table!

On the phone

• Telemarketing
• Scheduling
• Life coaching
• Conducting polls and surveys
• Customer service
• Tech support

What can you do?  (Hint:  Pretty much anything!)

• Writing
• Blogging
• Billing
• Appointment scheduling
• Customer service
• Making crafts to sell on Etsy
• Coaching
• Bookkeeping
• Conducting surveys
• Mystery shopping
• Search engine evaluator
• Researching
• Photo editing 
• Copy editing
• Tutoring
• Mentoring
• See if your current boss will allow you to telecommute instead of traveling to the office every day.
• Virtual assistant
• Personal training/fitness coaching
• Tech support
• Quality control
• Social media manager

For more information, contact the following:

• Your state's vocational rehab agency for help   
• Your local job service or check out their website for job leads
• LinkedIn
• Monster.com
• National Telecommuting Institute (www.ntiathome.org/work-at-home-jobs-disabled.shtm
• LandaJob.org
• My Employment Options (https://www.myemploymentoptions.com
• FlexJobs.com:  https://www.FlexJobs.com/?sub=1037
• Freelancer.com
• Hubpages.com/eHow.com

A cautionary note:

• Look out for scams:  Avoid anything that seems fishy, have your lawyer look over contracts.
• Go with your gut when deciding which organizations you want to work for and jobs you want to do
• Get references before committing to anything
• Be careful when meeting prospective employers, contractors, clients in person.  Choose a public place.  Bring along a trusted friend or colleague to sit nearby in the park, restaurant or another meeting place of your choice just in case there is trouble and you need help.  At least tell someone close to you where you will be meeting this prospective client and when you plan to return.

Are you working?  Are you not?  What are your thoughts on working/not working with chronic health issues?

Vlog: Believe

I've been discussing my motto:  Dream.  Imagine.  Believe.  Achieve.  I've talked about dream and imagine.  Today, it's believe.  

The definition of "believe" is "to accept or regard as something that's true."  

So, how can believing help you get unstuck and go for your goals?

Well, you can start acting as if you already have it, made it, did it.  Your dream has come true.  Don't throw your money around just because you imagine yourself as a millionaire or successful businessperson.  That could get you into a lot of trouble.  You need to pay the rent, you need to act responsibly.  But you can visualize yourself as being successful.  You can believe that it will happen.  

Why is belief important?

• If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will.  And you may need people's help to follow your dreams.
• Belief breeds confidence that you need when t  The road gets rough.  You'll most likely face barriers along the way toward your dreams, but with confidence, you can overcome them.  You need belief for that.
• If you've seen others do something you know it can be done.  To believe that you can do it is key to doing it yourself.
• Belief inspires you to take action.  You know you can do it so let's get going.  And you won't give up until you succeed.
• It helps you form a positive attitude.  Attitude is everything when going for your goals.  You need to have a positive attitude to accomplish anything.  To achieve anything.  

Achieve is the final portion of my motto.  Dreaming, imagining, and believing can lead to achievement.  

• You may fail repeatedly but belief keeps you going, trying again.  You know this is what you are meant to do.  Help people, for example.  That was me.  I've tried lots of stuff--I wanted to be a psychologist and play therapist.  I didn't do it.  But, years later, I've found coaching.  I've always wanted to help people, ever since I was very young.  Nothing else clicked, but coaching did.  And tutoring English as well as an off-shoot.  I am helping people.  It doesn't matter that I didn't go for the masters and doctorate.  It matters that I kept looking for what was right for me; the way in which I could help people best.   And, I've found it.  It took awhile, but I found it.  And that's okay.  Your true self--your true calling--may take awhile to come forth, but it will.  Give it time.  Then work for it, embrace it, love it, enjoy it.

What are your dreams?  Do you believe in yourself and your ability to achieve them?  

Vlog: Daydreaming Pros and Cons

I have used daydreaming for stress relief for most of my life:  from about age 8 years to my early 20s.  I've used it since then as well, just not as much.  I probably used it too much as an escape early on, but I truly do feel that it helped me cope.

There are pros and cons associated with daydreaming.  

First, the Pros:

• Helps you get creative:  I do this with writing, disappearing into that world--getting into "the zone."  Creativity can also help you relax, find new solutions to problems you may never have thought of otherwise.
• Helps you understand where someone is coming from; empathize:  Daydreaming can help you think how it is for your family and friends when you have to cancel due to health issues or some other reason.  It can also help you feel more connected to those family and friends who live far away. Research shows that daydreaming/fantasizing can cause similar reactions to those you would experience in reality while in the same situations.  Excited.  Frightened.  Calm.  Refreshed.  Sad.  How cool is that?
• De-stress through letting go:  Giving yourself a little break from constant worry, medication schedules, doctors' appointments, physical therapy and so on by daydreaming.  It can aid healing and improve your wellness by boosting your immune system and the overall way you feel.
• Clarity and better memory:  Daydreaming can help you think more clearly and better remember new information.  This is excellent news for those of you who are facing meeting a new doctor or new diagnosis.  For planning, organizing and performance at work, too.  Use it to go into any new situations with more confidence.  

Now, the Cons:

• Distraction:  Daydreaming can take your attention away from learning, work, chores, family, and so on.  It makes retrieving information more difficult, say, if you're reading or taking a test.
• Unhappiness:  If you daydream about negative things you could become more unhappy.  If you daydream about positive things, it doesn't seem to help you become happier.  It all depends on your view of your daydream experience and the topic.  Go into it realizing that it is only a tool that can help you temporarily zone out and relieve stress.  Use it for good rather than bad.  
• Staying in a dream world:  If you stay in the dream world and can't function in the real one; if you avoid socializing with friends and family, chronically miss work or school to spend time daydreaming, it's important for you to recognize this as unhealthy and seek help from a healthcare professional.    
• Putting people on a pedestal: If you imagine a person to be a certain way in your daydreams, it could negatively affect your life and even be dangerous.  For example, if you're in an abusive relationship and disappear into your daydreams as an escape, and while there imagine that the person is really amazing and loving, and then come back to reality and convince yourself that this same person is really kind and deserves your love even though they are abusive toward you, that is not healthy.  On the flip side, you could also go into your dream world and imagine doing terrible things to someone in your life you dislike strongly, although they are basically a decent person. That will not help foster understanding or a healthy relationship with that person in reality.

You absolutely can learn to use daydreaming as a tool to get you through the tough times.  Just remember to use it for good and not stay there.  

Do you use daydreaming to cope with chronic health issues or other problems?  Has it hurt?  Has it helped?  Let me know.  Thanks.  See you back here next week.  

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Frontiers in Psychology:  Pros and Cons of a Wandering Mind: A Prospective Study

  

Vlog: Part 2: Using Your Imagination To Manage Stress

Hi! I'm back to bring you the second part of my vlog on imagination.  In the first part, I talked about how I have used imagination to relieve stress throughout my life.  In today's vlog, I talk about how imagination can help you and how to actually tap into your imagination.  Here we go.  

How can imagination help you?

Stress relief:  Some stress is good.  It challenges you to get things done, meet deadlines, grow/change for good, and so on.  But getting too stressed out can be harmful to your health.  Stress can cause:

• physical symptoms
• missed work due to illness
• psychological symptoms
• relationship issues and more.  It can touch all areas of your life.

Using imagination for good:  While imagination can cause disease, it also can heal.  You may worry yourself sick (literally) about money, tests, surgery, relationships--even about getting sick!  How about using it for good instead to: 

• see the big picture 
• relieve stress 
• work out problems/find solutions
• practice conversations with doctors, bosses, friends, teachers, family, lawyers, insurance agents--anyone  
• get relief from the negativity that's bogging you down either in your head or from others 
• improve your emotional and mental well being

So, how do you do this?  

How do you practice imagining to reap the benefits of it?

• Ask yourself what imagination would do for you that's positive
• Make room for imagination in your life
• Use active imagination, which was created by Carl Jung, to connect the conscious and sub-conscious. Examples are dream interpretation, visualization, and daydreaming.  You can imagine an army representing the immune system fighting the disease, or enemy.  Or you can imagine a meadow of wildflowers or the seashore that is calming.  You can also use meditation to bring yourself to a safe place in which to work out problems that cause fear.  And how about viewing your health issue as a movie?  What do you see?  How do you feel?  How did you get this health issue?  What can you do to ease the symptoms or recover?  
• Commit to taking action based on what you learned from your imagination
• Do more of what you love (sing, exercise, eat your favorite foods, place fresh flowers throughout the house), in order to attract positive energy.  This positive energy sharpens your critical thinking and decision-making skills, which you need in order to solve problems and reduce stress.
• Keep a lookout for signs, symbols, and synchronicity.  For example, when I'm feeling down and I see a cloud in the shape of a feather, I take it as a sign that my guardian angel has my back since the feather is a sign that your guardian angel is nearby.
• Make sure to review what you're doing to see what works and what doesn't.  Make adjustments as needed.

It is very important to become aware of what you need in order to facilitate change.  Go within yourself, using your imagination, to help you find out.  

PNI

Robert Ader, a psychologist, and Nicholas Cohen, an immunologist, came up with the term psychoneuroimmunology.  What's that all about?  Let's take a look:

• The idea behind the big name is that the mind can activate specific neurological processes which in turn can stimulate the immune system to suppress illness and improve health.  Yay, I love it!
• And, as I mentioned earlier, while the mind's reaction to stress can stunt immunity and promote illness, visualization, imagination, and such can stimulate the immune system to better fight disease.  Who-hoo!  

Okay, here are more ways to tap into this awesome thing called imagination:

• relax
• get a clear image of your immune system fighting your disease--whatever health issue you're dealing with.  This could be an army fighting an enemy, a bunch of big fish representing your immune system devouring a bunch of other fish representing your disease or another stressor, or a stream of light that surrounds you and fills you with healing energy.

Here's the but, and a counter but

All this isn't backed by copious amounts of research, but it can be used safely as a part of your healthcare plan in conjunction with your traditional medical treatments and therapies.  It can't hurt you to use your imagination for good.  The only way it could hurt you is if you decided to live in your imaginary world and never deal with reality.  Try it to ease your mind and stress lwhen you most need it and see how you feel.  See if it helps.  And, if it does, which has been true in my case, wow!  Imagine, with more solid research data, what a wonderful feeling it would be to have your doctor actually prescribe imagination as a potential treatment for what's ailing you!  

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Resources:  www.psychologytoday.com and www.goodtherapy.org

Vlog: Using Your Imagination To Relieve Stress and Promote Healing, Part 1

Hi all!  I'm back from vacation.  We had a good time in California celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary and visiting a friend.  

This vlog is a summary of how I used imagination to relieve stress throughout my life, especially during my early years.  

• I invented an imaginary world in my bedroom from as far back as I can remember where I was healthy, strong, talented, popular, married, a mom, working at a job I loved, and so on.  
• I worked out problems
• Practiced conversations that I would have with doctors, teachers, family members, friends, and job interviewers
• I was creative: drawing, painting, singing, dancing, writing for hours on end.
• It freed me from the stress, provided an escape, at least temporarily
• It helped me build confidence

I did overdo it a bit as I got into my teens, spending as much time as possible in my sanctuary.  That probably wasn't as healthy as tempered imagination would have been, but I say it still benefited me and may have saved my life.  I was very insecure, lost, depressed throughout my childhood as a result of dealing with my chronic health issues, surgeries, pain, doctor's appointments, therapies, and so on.  And I hated using a wheelchair.  I felt like it made me stick out rather than giving me freedom and mobility.  The imaginary world I created gave me a much-needed break from the stress.

In Part 2, I'll talk about how imagination can ease stress and promote healing as well as how to actually tap into your imagination and use it for good rather than negative means.  

Do you use your imagination for stress relief?  Or do you use it to worry, imagining the worst?  What type of results have you seen?

Part 2 will be coming soon.   Take care.

Vlog: All You Can Do Is Your Life

You can:

• Wake up feeling every ache and pain but determined to help others.
• Put others first.
• Ignore the voice inside; your gut that says you've done enough. You are enough.
• Be angry, sad, lonely, tired, frustrated, hurt, insulted, fearful, ashamed due to your health issues and the reactions of others toward those issues.
• Try to be everything to everyone.
• Sit alone, staring at the wall feeling sorry for yourself.
• Stay in an unhealthy relationship because you think no one else will want you.

OR

You can:

• Wake up and decide to tackle the day with determination, enthusiasm, grace, patience, positivity, getting real, productivity, doing, being, putting one foot in front of the other.
• Try, fail, take the breaks you need, try again, maybe succeed next time, thrive, live life to the fullest.
• Help yourself so you can help others.
• Live a life you can smile and be happy about.

Which option sounds the healthiest to you?

Which life do you want to lead?

Which life have you led up to now?

What changes do you need to make to live your best life?  

You can, you know . . . live your best life.  The best that you know is inside you.

Whatever that is.  You find that within you.

Are you ready?  Get started.

• Little by little
• Bit by bit
• Step by step

What does it mean to you to live your life?

How can you make changes to live a fulfilling life?

Have you already made them?  How did it go?

Email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com or comment below.  

I may or may not have a post next week.  I'm taking next week off and plan to unplug as much as possible.  So, let's just plan on meeting again back here in a couple weeks.  

Take care!  Tomorrow is June already!  Wow!  I hope you have so fun summer plans.  

Vlog: Medication Advertisements: Helpful...Or Not?

Hi there, all!  I hope you're having a good weekend so far.  

Medication advertisements with every symptom and side effect known to man.  Do you find this helpful or frightening, or unnecessary?

Let's look at the topic more closely:

The positives:  They give you lots of information about the medication, so you then can decide from there whether or not you want to contact your doctor about it.

The negatives:  They tell you all this stuff that may turn you off from even asking your doctor about it, or considering taking it for something it could really people alleviate.

What would be better?:  

• Talk to your doctor or pharmacist to get information on the advertised medication.
• Leave out the side effects and such from the advertisement and leave it to your doctor to tell you that information specific to your situation.
• Talk to your doctor or pharmacist about any medication you have questions about before taking it.
• Consider natural medicine:  Combine it with modern medicine, massage, herbs, acupressure, acupuncture, energy medicine/therapy, hypnosis, meditation, and more.

Please don't:

• take any new medication without first consulting a qualified healthcare professional.  
• take others' medication that was not prescribed to you.
• take medication in the amount other than the recommended dosage.
• keep taking a medication if you experience troubling side effects.  Call your doctor or pharmacist, call 9-1-1, or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.
• take medications you are unsure of.  You know your body better than anyone else.  Listen to it.  Work with your doctors to find the best treatment for your health issues.

What do you think of medication advertisements?  Have you ever asked your doctor about a medication you found out about through an advertisement?  

Interviewed on A Healing Spirit.org! Thank you Carol!

I had the honor and pleasure of being interviewed by Carol Cassara, Hypnotherapist and Healing Arts Advocate, for her blog on A Healing Spirit.org.  Please check it out.  I'd love your thoughts on the interview and encourage you to check out Carol's other posts and services to see if they are a good fit for you.  I'm a big fan of Carol's and enjoy her blog immensely.   She offers lots of insight into many different topics relating to friendship, spirituality, politics, health, lifestyle, wellness, family, and more. This is not a paid post. I'm not affiliated with Carol Cassara in any professional or commercial way other than as a fellow coach who admires her work.    

https://www.ahealingspirit.org/2018/05/17/permanent-disability/

What Happens When You Try and Fail Repeatedly?

Happy Wednesday, all!  I hope you're having a great week.  Today I'm talking about what happens when you try and fail, over and over again.

Try and fail

Say, you try to get a job.  You send out resumes but you don't hear anything back.  Or you do get an interview and you think it went great, but you don't get the job.  Over and over again this happens.

Or maybe you don't have any energy and you try all sorts of things to boost it.  You may try exercise, tips and tricks you found on the Internet or heard about from friends or family.  And, you may try some of these things and find out you're allergic to that specific vitamin, or food, or herb.  Whatever you tried. You had no idea you were even allergic to it, but you are. 

Maybe you want to lose weight.  You go to the gym and find out that you can't use most of the equipment that you were hoping to, either because it's not adjustable or adaptable, or the gym is too busy at the time you can get there, so the machines are occupied.

It could be that you try to think of things that will improve your friendship or marriage and you're met with resistance, or what you do try just doesn't work.

It doesn't have to break you

When you try and fail, over and over, it can bring you down, frustrate you.  But you can choose to learn from each experience and grow from it.  It doesn't have to break you.

Try something else.

Exercise

Go to a different gym, work out at home, use dumbbells, exercise bands, or your own body weight instead of machines.

Job

Get a temp job, look online for work at home opportunities, ask a neighbor if you could do odd jobs them, or start your own business online or off.

Energy

Check with your doctor to see if something is up.  You can also keep trying those tips and tricks from the Internet and your friends.  Maybe you'd like to try meditation.  And, take a look inside yourself to see what you need.  Go with your gut.  

Relationships

Talk things out with friends, family, your spouse, a coworker.  If that doesn't work, you may consider seeking guidance from a counselor or coach.  

Time management

Look at how you manage your time.  Can some things be shortened or cut out so you can spend more time on the things and people who mean the most to you?


Have you tried and failed and just don't know what else to do?  Or have you tried and failed repeatedly only to try one more time and have things work out?  Let me know.  I'd love to hear from you.  

Take care, and I'll see you back here next Wednesday.

Vlog: Tired of Competing? Tired of Fighting?

Do you have chronic health issues?  Are you tired of competing?  Tired of fighting?

• For jobs
• For attention from your spouse, kids, relatives, friends, coworkers
• For love, dates
• Job promotions
• Spots on a team or committee
• For grades
• For college acceptance
• For rights
• For adaptations

Are you competing with other people in your spouse's life?

• Are you jealous of the attention given to friends?
• Do you feel like you're not enough?
• That they like others more than you?
• That they regret committing to you now that they have found others they prefer to hang out with?  That they click with others better?

Also, are you trying to please?

Stop!

You're in the wrong relationship, friendship, or job if you're trying to please, perhaps.  Only you can decide that.

You're putting yourself last.

It's hard work to compete.  To fight.

You feel insecure.

Get out.

You need to be you!

Live your life the way you see fit.

Do the things you love to do.

Go where you want to go.

Say what needs to be said.

Walking or wheeling on eggshells isn't worth it.

You've got a lot to give.

Give it to the people, activities, jobs...that mean the most to you.

If your friend, partner, spouse, doesn't appreciate you, or has become tired of you, distant, or seems to be replacing you, let them.  If you have tried everything and still the relationships or friendships seems to be dying, let it die naturally.  No fits, or arguments, or scenes.  Just let it play out naturally.

If your employer is constantly setting up roadblocks and treating you unfairly.  Fight them or leave them, but do what is best for you.

You can only do so much.  You have to concentrate on you, your health, what brings you joy.  That is your choice.  And it's their choice whether to take that ride with you or not.

Vlog: Being Told You're An Inspiration

Have you been told you're an inspiration?  What was the reason?  Did they give you any specifics as to why they thought you were inspirational?  

And, how did you feel about it?  How did you respond?  Did it inspire you to do more for others?  More for yourself?  Did it help you break out of your comfort zone and try something new?  Did it inspire you to become a speaker, letting other people know about your chronic health issues; to become an advocate for others?

Or, did you feel like a fraud?  They were inspired by you but you may feel as if you really haven't lived up to it.  You are unsure of yourself, you're self-conscious, perhaps.  Insecure.

What do you do with this?  How can being called an inspiration change that negativity in you to positivity?  How can it energize you?

When someone calls you an inspiration, what should you say?  Well, here are some ideas:

• Simply say "Thank You."
• Ask the person how you inspire them
• Tell the person how they inspire you.

How can you use your inspiration?

• Speak about it at local organizations, schools, hospitals, health fairs
• Do volunteer work at hospitals, schools, shelters, community events, health fairs
• Help others with similar health issues to cope, improve their situation, and be inspired.
• Write about it in a blog or book
• Write a column for your local newspaper on coping with health issues
• Contact the association connected to your chronic health issues to see if you could write articles for their newsletter or magazine.

Any other ideas?  I'd love to hear from you!  And, please share your experiences with this topic.  Have you been told you're an inspiration?  How did you react?  Positively?  Negatively?  Let's talk about this.  

Vlog: How Do Health Issues Influence Your Decisions?

How do your health issues influence your decisions?  

I came up with a list of areas in life where health issues may play a part in decision making.  Maybe you can relate, or maybe you have other areas of concern and influence that I haven't mentioned here.  Let me know.  I'd love to hear about them.

Home:

• Where to live:  type of structure, apartment, assisted living, house, climate that's best for your allergies, etc.
• Close to doctors/hospitals
• Wheel-chair accessible
• No stairs, one-story, ramps installed
• Security
• Convenient parking

School:

• The major/program you choose
• Location
• Accessibility
• Campus support
• Proximity to doctors/hospital
• Clubs available
• Campus community vibe:  accepting, friendly, helpful, positive

Job:

• Accessibility of the facility/office
• Discrimination
• Convenient location
• Convenient parking
• The vibe you get from the interviewer/staff
• The type of job you want to do:  do you want to help people in the health field, or do you spend enough time in doctor's offices and hospitals already.  There are other ways you can help others, though, so you may want to think about it.

Relationships:

• Friendships:  Who do you connect with?  Who treats you like everyone else?  What about the accessibility to local hangouts and social clubs?  Can you get to where you can meet new people and also hang out with current friends to encourage bonding?What's your attitude toward others?  What are their attitudes toward you?  Do you hang out with people who are different from you and maybe not all that nice just because they are popular?
• Romance:  Do your health issues influence who you marry/partner with?  Do they really "get" you?  Do you get positive vibes from them?  Are they compassionate and understanding?  Do you have the same lifestyle?  Do they have health issues, too, or not?  Do you want kids?  Do they?  Do you share the same hobbies and interests?

Activities:

• What sports do you like?  Is that connected to your health issues
• What about the books that you read?
• Games you play?
• Where you travel, or if you travel at all?
• Where you go for walks/wheels?
• Accessibility
• Attitude:  Yours and that of others
• Maybe you check things out beforehand to see if you can handle them.  Have a practice run at an activity.  Check out the facilities.
• Do you ask your doctor before you try an activity?

Family:

• Do you want to be near them in case you have a medical emergency and need their assistance?
• Do you want to be far away from them because they have always sheltered you and made you feel like you couldn't do anything on your own?
• Have they fostered your independence?
• How has that influenced your decisions and decision-making skills?

Vlog: Incontinence

First, my apologies for posting this a day late.  Sometimes days just get away from me.  Now, on to today's topic.

Incontinence.  It's not the most comfortable topic to talk about; that's why I'm talking about it today.

Some people with chronic health issues are incontinent.  And there could be a lot of things that come up because of it, that can put a damper on your doing what you want to do.

Some things to consider:

• You have to know where the bathroom is.
• You may not feel comfortable going certain places or doing certain things because you may not have access to a bathroom.  For example, some tour buses, unfamiliar cities, going on hikes in the backcountry.
• You may not want to tell your friends and strangers about your ostomy so it's hard to travel or stay with them.
• What if you have an accident?
• Do you have a urostomy, ileostomy, colostomy or nephrostomy?  I have an ileostomy and I've had a temporary nephrostomy in the past.  What if your appliance/pouch leaks?  That's fun, let me tell ya.  

So, how can you live a full life with an ostomy or incontinence?

You get out there and do stuff.  Try things.  Yes, you may have an accident.  But maybe you won't.  Maybe you'll be embarrassed.  But maybe you won't.  t's frustrating, yes, but let me ask you, which would you rather do:

• get embarrassed a time or two while out exploring your world, or
• stay cooped up in your home staring at the wall feeling "safe" but unfulfilled?

I've traveled all over the country and world with an ostomy. I married a travel-aholic.  Where he goes, I go, if I ever want to see him.  Haha.  We don't travel nearly as much as we did when we were first married and for a stretch of years after that, but we still travel now and then. I've been padded down by security because of my ostomy--that is just what happens.  I deal with it.  They have to be certain it's not a bomb or something.

Here's what I do before/during an outing/trip:

• Take supplies you'll need to maintain your ostomy
• I bring everything but the kitchen sink with me, basically.  People wonder why I have such a large handbag--it's actually a backpack.  It's because I come prepared for everything.  If I'm prepared, nothing goes wrong.
• I research areas we are going to visit to make sure I know the lay of the land, amenities, where the bathrooms are, how long the trails are, are those trails easily accessible and fairly smooth, and so on.
• I take my medications on time (mostly).
• I spend the time I need in the morning and in the evening in order to get ready.  I make sure all is well and I'm ready for the day or night.  It takes a chunk of time, but it's worth it not to be rushed.
• If I don't feel right, I don't go on an outing or trip.  Those things happen.  It stinks, but I have to go with my gut and do what's best for my health and safety.
• Send medical supplies ahead to your destination so you don't get hung up in security explaining everything.  When Jim and I were set to travel out here to Utah to check it out for a possible move, I had a nephrostomy.  So, I had all this stuff I had to bring with me to irrigate it and otherwise maintain it.  The ostomy nurse I saw locally was the one who suggested I send the irrigation supplies ahead since, even though it was medical supplies, I may have trouble getting through security with all that liquid and such.  She had flown shortly before we planned to and had to hand over some items.  It just saves a lot of headaches to send supplies ahead.  And, call the local pharmacies, hospitals, and medical supply companies to see if you can get supplies at your destination.  That would save even more grief especially if your supplies are lost in the mail.

I remember one time when I was visiting a friend at his work out of state.  One of the first things he did was tell me where the restrooms were.  Maybe he saw me looking around a bit for them.  Anyway, I loved it!  Surround yourself with people who "get" you, who understand what you need sometimes before you even have a chance to say anything.  As for the complainers?  Maybe they don't belong in your life.  Only you can decide that.

Something else I wanted to mention---a few years ago now, I think, I read that people with ostomies were starting to wear bikinis, maybe Speedos, too, I don't know.  Their ostomy and pouch were visible.  I personally wouldn't feel comfortable doing that, but if you do, go for it.  Be you, without apologizing!

I encourage you to try new things, go new places, hang out with loved ones and friends--live!  Try not to be tied so much to your health and your home.  There is so much out there for you to experience.  Start small, but do it, and expand upon it as you feel more comfortable.  Each time you venture outside your comfort zone, you will gain a bit more confidence.  And, with that confidence, well, you can do anything, go anywhere, live the most amazing life of your choosing.  Get started!

Vlog: The Frustrations Involved With Taking Care Of Others Who Don't Listen

• You have health issues
• You take time to care for yourself
• You take time to make your doctor appointments and go to them
• You follow doctor's orders
• You put up with surgeries, recovery, therapies
• You take your medication
• You do what you are supposed to do 
• You work your life in around your medical stuff/ health maintenance
• You ask your family what you can do for them.  You do it and they don't seem to appreciate it.
• They don't seem to latch onto concepts or tool that you share with them, even though they were open to discussion.

Okay, true, everyone has a right to their own opinion.  Not everyone is going to agree with you.  They don't have to.  I'm talking about hitting a brick wall with them over and over again.

• You spend energy and time you really don't have on others.  

You have lots to do for your health maintenance, you may not have a lot of energy to spare to do the things you're doing for others, but you do them.  You somehow fit it all in.  And, they never take notice!

• You exhaust yourself by giving yourself and your energy and your time to others yet they don't have time for you.

You do what others want you to do.  You go where they want to you to go.  Yet, when you want them to do something, you hit that wall, over and over again.

• You also try to help but are ignored, dismissed, or even ridiculed, maybe.

Particularly about medical stuff, perhaps.  You've got all this experience with chronic health issues, managing your health care, doing what needs to be done, yet when you try to give advice or even are asked for advice on a health matter, you are ignored.  Your friend or loved one doesn't listen.  They do the exact opposite of what they should, in fact.  

Is it worth it?  Is it worth it to care if they don't seem to?

Only you can answer that.  Only you know you're individual situations.  Only you know that particular person you're dealing with.

I have mentioned "The Four Tendencies," by Gretchen Rubin before.  The four tendencies are Obliger, Questioner, Rebel, and Upholder.  I am an obliger.  I have trouble meeting my inner expectations yet I meet outer expectations more easily.  I'm a helper, so that's not surprising.  But when I help, help, help, oblige, oblige, oblige, and get nowhere, get stonewalled, then I turn into a Rebel.  Rebels don't meet either inner or outer expectations.  I just stop obliging those who stonewall me in my personal life.

In my work as a coach, I also oblige, gladly.  I love helping others.  But I also have to be honest with the client who isn't showing up for sessions, isn't involved, isn't trying to help themselves.  I have to ask them what's holding them back.  I have to ask them if they feel that I'm not the right coach for them.  And I have to ask them if maybe they would work better with another coach, or even a counselor or psychologist.  It would be irresponsible of me to keep coaching someone who is clearly not getting anything out of the sessions.  

So, do you have people in your life who don't listen to you?  Do you struggle to oblige them without getting anything in return?