Vlog: Toxic Friends and What to Do About It.

Hello!  Here is my latest vlog post on toxic friends.  There are a lot of signs of toxicity in friendship including abuse, lying, having only one-sided conversations, excessive drinking, and trying to get you to do things that go against your values.  It is up to you to decide whether to give such a friend a second...or third or fourth...chance or say goodbye.  It is important to watch for these and other signs of toxicity and try to remedy the situation before it causes you physical pain, stress, and illness.  

Do you have, or have you had, toxic friends?  How have you dealt with the situations you've been in with such friends?  Are they still your friends, or have you moved on?  Let me know in the comments, or you can email me.  

I also want to let you know that I'm now posting a blog post on Mondays and a vlog post on Wednesdays.  I have been quite busy lately, so I stopped blogging on Fridays for now, until my Identity perception program is finished, sometime in the next month or so.  Take care, and I'll catch you back here again on Monday.  Have a great weekend!

Chronic Health Issues and Dating: Things to Consider

Jim and me in 1987

Dating can be nerve racking, to begin with. Add chronic health issues into the mix and, oh boy!  It gets even more stressful.  It can also be taxing to those who are dating you too. Share this post with your date if you feel comfortable doing so. 

Here are some things to consider on both sides:

You

• You need to make sure that your symptoms are manageable before you start dating.
• Find support:  Surround yourself with good friends and supportive family before you even think of starting to date.  You'll need these people to help you handle rejection and also celebrate the good times.  You could even practice talking about your health issues with these supporters so it won't be so difficult to tell your date when the time comes.

• You are a person with thoughts, feelings, hobbies, dreams, ambitions, and interests.  You are more than your health issues.
• Are you using your chronic health issues as an excuse to avoid going on a date?
• Don't look for a person who will coddle and protect you:  The best person will be caring, concerned and interested in you, but will not constantly run to "save" you or do everything for you.
• Don't settle for a particular person just because he asked you out, thinking you'll never find anyone else.  
• Look for a date or potential partner who is dependable, respectful, reliable, and supportive.  You could also use someone who makes you laugh through the tough times too.  It all depends on your personality.
• Concentrate on what you can do, instead of what you cannot do.
• Look out for duds:  These people aren't just unappealing because of surface attributes like looks, an annoying laugh, or body odor, they can be downright dangerous with their fetish for sexually assaulting or otherwise harming a person with a disability.  Let your gut rule with these ominous creatures.
• Discuss your chronic health issues when you are ready:  Be honest and open about them, but don't rush it.  Talk about them over time to avoid information overload.  And don't make it all about you.  Ask your date questions about himself and how he feels also to keep the conversation balanced.  Be ready to let your date know what the illness or issue is, if there's a cure, the symptoms you experience, how you cope with the problems, and any other information you feel comfortable sharing.  Keep things simple and straight forward.  
• If he rejects you, keeps making excuses for not calling or showing up, or avoids you, move on.

Both You and Your Date

• Communicate!:  This is a huge one, folks.  Be honest about health issues, problems, fears, worries, questions, concerns birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, and the like.
• Don't make assumptions:  a.  that he won't date you because he's an athlete and you are absolutely not athletic by any stretch of the imagination, b. that she is broken just because she has health issues or c. that either of you needs to be with someone more like yourself physically.
• Don't be afraid to dance, explore nature, or travel:  There are many accessible parks, buildings and the like.  If you use a wheelchair, try out wheelchair dancing.  It can be great exercise and lots of fun.
• Give the person credit:  Both you and your date need to give each other credit for giving this dating thing a shot under unusual circumstances.
• Be willing to make changes in plans/cancel dates:  Even though it's frustrating, you will both get used to looking into the accessibility of a certain area or venue before making concrete plans to take in events and activities there.  (Examples:  curbs, stairs, adequate parking, elevators, rough ground, wheel chair accessible attractions and accommodations, and so on)  Be ready to deal with the possibility of canceled dates as well.
• Stay away from judgmental people:  Nobody needs that hassle.
• Concentrate on your similarities with the each other rather than your differences, unless those differences are so glaringly obvious and intrusive that you can't ignore them.  Then, deal with them in a sensitive and responsible way to try to remedy the situation.
• Go with your gut:  This is a great way to tell if you are in over your head or dating the wrong person.  
• Be yourself:  The more you are like yourself and comfortable in your own skin the more you are apt to attract people who are a good match.  

Places to Find Potential Dates

Be cautious with any new situation, including Internet dating.  If it feels right, go for it.  If it does it, back away.

• Local clubs and organizations
• At events where you volunteer
• At work
• At church
• MeetUp.com
• Special Bridge
• Match.com
• OkCupid

Believe me, if you can handle chronic health issues, you can handle dating.  Stick with it, have confidence in yourself, go with your gut, and have fun.  

Fostering Friendships

Happy Friday!  I hope you have some fun plans for the weekend.  A friend of ours from California is coming to visit, so we're looking forward to that.  

Friendships are important to our well-being, as I've mentioned before.  They help keep us healthier, improve mood, reduce stress, and so on.  But, how can we foster friendships in this crazy busy world we live in?  There are many ways to do this:

• Take a class--Do this with a friend and/or to find new friends with a common interest.
• Go on a day trip--Grab your bestie and hit the road!
• Have a heart to heart--Simply sit and talk with your friend(s).  Really listen.
• Play a game--Sports, board games, charades, yard game, hop scotch, anything.  Just play!
• Go out dancing--Or turn up the music and spontaneously dance with your friend in your living room.
• Chat on the phone or via Skype--Call a friend you haven't talked to in awhile and chat.
• Visit a friend--Arrange to visit a friend, either local or out of town, you haven't seen in awhile.
• Volunteer--Grab a friend and work together to benefit a good cause.  Or volunteer by yourself to meet new people with the same giving spirit.
• Get crafty--Invite a friend over and break out the fabric, super-glue, construction paper, yarn, paints, anything crafty, and go to it.  Crank up some high energy music to add to the fun.
• Go to a sports event--Invite a friend to go to a local or big-league game.  Bond over burgers, dogs, and drinks while you're at it.
• Work together on a big project--work with a friend restoring a classic car, building furniture, or restoring a house.

These are just some ideas.  What would you add to the list?  I'd love to hear from you.

Please consider joining my new Facebook group Fostering Friendships.  I'm really excited about it.  It's all about helping you make friends and foster those current friendships in your lives.  The group is free and I have a theme for each day, and lots of ideas to make the group fun.  Come join us!  

Vlog: Memories of Growing Up with Spina Bifida

Hello there!  I hope you're having a good day.  Here is my latest vlog post on memories of growing up with spina bifida.  There are goofy moments, serious moments, scary moments, but we get through them all.  I've coped with these situations, as I've mentioned before, by daydreaming.  I've also used humor.  And family and good friends have helped as well.  Who helps you cope with the realities of spina bifida?  I hope you have some special people in your life who are there for you, care about you, and make you smile.  Take care.

Stepping Away From Your Life

It's great if you can make the life you're living positive and doable.  You like your job, your house, your family, your friends, your spouse or partner--it's all good.  Nothing's perfect, but it's good.  You're happy and contented.  Wonderful!

But what if you are living alone in a small town and want to travel the world?  Or, you're tired of living in a loveless marriage but you have no idea how to live on your own?  Or, you have grown up surrounded by wealth, servants, wanting for nothing-- except a normal life with a normal house, and chores and real friends who don't just like you because you have a lot of money?  Or, you and your spouse have dreams of quitting your jobs in the city and moving the family to a remote outpost to become self-sufficient? 

What if you've tried everything and life still leaves you feeling flat and miserable?  What then?  How would you be able to change it?  What steps would you need to take to prepare for this change?

You must plan ahead. Do not make rash decisions.  As much as you would like to change your life RIGHT NOW, it will not happen.  You need to figure some stuff out first:

• Do you really, really want to leave?  Is the situation so bad that it can't be fixed by discussion, changing attitudes, moving to a different house in the area, letting go of a toxic friend, changing jobs locally, getting involved in the community, meeting new people locally, counseling, and other means of resolution?  Or, is your heart set on this awesome, beautiful, amazing chance to live and work on the other side of the world; do you ache to study art in Paris; does your heart sing when you think moving from a small town to the big city or vice versa to experience a whole new way of life and culture--a new you?  If the answer is yes, then, consider:

• How will you tell your family and friends?  Your wants, needs, desires, and dreams, may not be remotely the same as those of your family and friends.  How do you tell those closest to you that you've decided to totally change your life, move away, and go on this amazing adventure?  Well, remember, this is your life.  You can do anything you set your mind to.  As long as you think it out and don't do something illegal or totally irresponsible, you're good.  You can do this.  You're an adult.  It's your decision.  But, if you expect the spouse and the kids to come along with you on this magical mystery adventure of yours, you'd better get ready to explain it and make it look really good.  REALLY good.  Be ready to answer the difficult questions:  Why should we uproot the family to do this?  How will we make a living?  What about the kids' schooling; their friends, our friends, our families?  On and on.  

• Can you make it on your own?  If you're planning to divorce, are you willing or able to do the things your spouse currently does for you and the family?  Do you get jumpy while in the house alone or do you love being alone?  Where will you live?  If you have health/mobility issues, do you need modified accommodations (wheel chair accessible, no stairs, modified counters/appliances and the like)?  Will you know what to do when an appliance, car or other machinery breaks down?  Where will you work?  What jobs are available in the new area?  Are you comfortable doing your taxes or paying someone else to do them?  What health care services are available in the area you want to move to?  Are they adequate?  Can you drive?  What's the public transportation system like where you want to move to?  What other services are provided in the new location?  If you move your family into the wilds, are you willing to hunt/gather and prepare your own food?   Do you know anyone who can help you settle into the new area?  Are you willing and able to be self-sufficient, or are you comfortable getting out and about to meet new people and developing a strong support system?  Are you prepared to trade the "good life" for a life you think will be better?  Are you willing to trade what is not so great, but it's okay-- it's routine and what you've always known--for the unknown that you think will be so much better?

• How will you pay for this major change?  Unless you have a lot of money of your own stashed away, you will have to save up for any big adventure.  That's what it is.  It's an adventure--whether the journey you're undertaking turns out good or bad--and you need to be prepared to support yourself, and any dependents who join you.  If you have health issues, you definitely have to look into the availability of jobs that fit your abilities and health maintenance schedule, financial assistance, and health insurance options.

• What legal stuff do you need to know?  If you're planning on leaving a spouse, make sure that you get legal counsel.  Find out what the laws are specific to where you live regarding asset division, child custody, spousal support and any other matters specific to your situation. Review your assets, debts, and whose name they're in.  Know what assets you have and the laws regarding division of those assets.  What are the laws in the cities, states, or countries you plan to move to?  What seems totally reasonable to the locals may seem outrageous, or at least weird, to you.  

• What else do you need to make this new life happen?  If you're moving across the state, the country, the world; if you're moving from the city to the country, the country to the city; if you're moving from a penthouse in New York City to a hut in Africa, you need to figure out what you can and cannot bring with you; what you do and do not need.  Have a huge clear out, getting rid of anything you don't need or want to take with you. And ask yourself, Can I actually live in this new place safely, affordably, and happily long-term?

Change is good, but make sure you think things out before going through with it.  Make sure it really is something you want and need to do.  Whether it is a positive move or not, you will experience bumps in the road.  Know you can handle them, and enjoy the ride.

Please note, this post wasn't written with abuse/neglect in mind.  If you are in a violent relationship, seek help immediately to get out of that relationship from trusted friends and family, local agencies and authorities.  

Good luck.

Stick With True Friends

We can have all types of friends, yes, but pay special attention to those who are true friends.  To me, true friends are those who:

• celebrate milestones.  Of course, any friend may react positively to your good news, but the closest of your friends will get in there and celebrate your news with you.  You can tell the difference between heartfelt congratulations and the halfhearted variety.
• call, text, email or visit often.  If you are on her speed dial, stick with her.  If you hear from him daily, weekly, at regular intervals relatively close together, or when you're sick and she just has to bring you over her homemade chicken soup to comfort you, hang onto that friend.  That person cares.  You may not even be especially close to her.  You may not be able to tell your deepest, darkest secrets to her.  You may even feel a bit intimidated by him at times.  But if he's there for you, if he cares, pay attention to him.  In these times of crazy busy lifestyles when friendships are dissolving due to lack of time, these types of friends are worth their weight in gold.  
• are inquisitive.  I'm not talking about a busy body who doesn't know how to mind her own business.  I'm talking about the friend who is truly interested to know what's going on in your life.  She wants to know the details of the trip you went on or the book you're reading.  She wants to know how you managed to pick the career, child's name, the book, the vacation, the clothes you love so much, or what your childhood was like.  Did you have a treehouse?  Did you grow up in an apartment, mansion, orphanage, farmhouse?  He wants to know why you feel, think and act the way you do.  She wants to know what makes you tick.  She's curious.  These friends are awesome!
• open-minded.  These friends take you as you are, 110%!  They love you no matter what your house looks like, what you look like, how you dress, who you voted for, what kind of car you drive, what your sexual orientation is, what your beliefs, values, and opinions are, where you come from, how much money you make, or anything else.  They are in your corner, without question.
• spontaneous.  Okay, it's not necessarily that great to have friends knocking at your door at 7 AM wanting to chat or inviting you on a road trip THAT VERY SECOND.  But, it can be energizing and heartwarming to answer the door and find your best friend standing there with a wide smile ready to hug you, or just to say hi and see how you're doing.  They may invite you to lunch, they may just stay a minute, but you're better for it.  It perks you up.  

I am lucky enough to have these types of friends.  They are the ones who are there for me no matter what.  I can turn to them for help, a chat, anything, anytime.  They make me smile.  It's comforting to know I have such special friends in my life.  

How about you?   Do you have these types of friends?  How have they enhanced your life?  If not, that's okay.  Everyone has a different view of friendship, and what they need as far as friendships in their day to day lives.  I'd love your input on this.  Thanks.

Vlog: A Message to Parents: Encourage Independence

Hi all!  I hope you're having a good week.  Today's vlog is on coddling.  My message to parents--and other family members--is to avoid coddling your children with chronic health issues and special needs.  Let them grow, learn, explore, make friends, and be independent.  It will help your child develop into a strong, confident adult.  Of course, you need to do this according to your child's abilities and needs, but each child should be encouraged to be as independent as possible.  Do you tend to be protective of your children, whether they have health issues or not, or do you let them explore their world?  I'd love to hear your take on this issue.  

Listen: To Break Down Barriers and Avoid Conflict

Listening is such an important skill.  Do you feel that people really listen to you?  Do they hear what you say?  Do they pay attention?  Or do they busy themselves with projects and everyday tasks and insist that they are still "listening?"  Or, do they flat out ignore you as you talk?  Same goes for you.  Do you really, truly listen to people when they are talking to you?  Do you engage in conversation?  Or is your mind wandering all over the place, thinking of the laundry building up at home, the report that's due tomorrow, the doctor's appointment on Wednesday, the friend you promised you'd make time in your schedule to meet with this week, or how you're ever going to fit in everything you have to do today?  

No, you don't have to get right up into someone's face like this cow gets right up close to the camera, but it is important to listen closely to others.    It can make or break friendships and business deals.  It can make the difference between a person really feeling heard and giving up on life.  It can help those who are mourning the loss of a loved one work through their thoughts and emotions in order to heal.  Mindlessly nodding and periodically mumbling, "uhuh," won't do.

Listen up!  Listening is a skill that many of us don't have or hone, but it is key to successful relationships, both personal and professional.

Breaking Down Barriers

If you experience barriers to work, shopping, activities, friendships, or other facets of life, think about how you can knock those barriers down.  Is it due to chronic health issues, race, social status, religious or political views, or something else?  Get to the heart of it.  How could you make a positive change, or at least begin the process?  Here are some ideas:

• Arrange a meeting with a prospective employer to discuss concerns regarding accessibility, abilities, reliance, sick time, and so on.
• Ask for a family conference so you can all air your concerns, good news, bad news, and discuss and resolve any conflicts before they blow out of proportion.
• Attend a board meeting to voice your concern over accessibility problems at various businesses around town.
• Speak at local organizations about chronic health issues and special needs to raise awareness and answer questions.  
• Approach one person at school, work, or in the community, smile, say hi, and break the ice.  Start a conversation about, well, anything, and, over time, open up about yourself and encourage the other person to do the same.  You may build a lasting friendship that means the world to you. 
• Really listen to that friend who is going through chemo or a divorce.  Sometimes that's all a person really needs.  They don't need your coddling, your answers, your sympathies.  They need your undivided attention in order to vent about the BS that is happening their lives.  Give it to them.
• Take notes while a person is talking while maintaining eye contact as much as possible.  The note-taking will help prevent the urge to interrupt the person while they are talking in order to say something before you forget it.
• Switch off your cell phone while having a conversation someone else.  If you're having lunch with a friend, be there for that friend.  Eliminate the temptation to answer the phone whenever it rings.  

By listening to others, we can open minds, ease tension, clarify positions, promote understanding--we can break down barriers.    

Avoid Conflict

Avoiding conflict has a lot to do with effective listening as well.  Consider the political and religious conflicts of late.  People are giving up friendships, not talking to family, firing employees, beating and killing people over differing political and religious beliefs. Those beliefs run deep, of course, but there is absolutely no reason for people to do such awful things to each other in the name of politics and religion.  My advice is to calm down, grow up, and listen to each other.  Converse.  Communicate.  Respect.  Listen!  

Magical things can happen when you get together with people you don't understand or agree with, and:

• really talk 
• really listen
• use non-threatening speech
• avoid blame
• show respect for the other by being silent while they are speaking
• reflect the other person's emotions
• rephrase what they say so they know you are listening

You come to realize that, yeah, maybe you don't agree on certain political issues, but you do agree on others.  Same goes for religion.  And, you may also discover that you are both huge fans of the same band or author or movie, love to travel, enjoy woodworking, love classic cars, participated in theater at the same college years earlier, share the same birthdate, went to the same high school, lived in the same far off place thirty years ago, both worked on a kibbutz, or are obsessed with Pokemon.  You never know.  Once the listening starts, all that conflict begins to be resolved, the stress eases up, and other more positive likenesses come shining through.  

Are you a good listener?  If not, use some of the tips above to improve your listening skills.  Do you have any other tips to add to the ones included here?  Feel free to leave them in the comments.  

Practice Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is very important.  I didn't realize how much so until I was an adult.  I had never accepted myself fully throughout childhood.  I had never fully accepted my life with spina bifida and the health issues that came with it.  I got good at self-care, but that didn't mean I had made my peace with it.  I hated it.  I was very self-conscious, shy, and insecure.  I didn't appreciate the fact that being unique was a good thing.  I didn't appreciate my talents and strengths. 

Self-Acceptance

So, how can you practice self-acceptance, you may be asking.  Here are some of the ways:

• Avoid judging or criticizing yourself.  Be as good as you can be.  Everyone makes mistakes.  Don't beat yourself up about it.  
• Be your own friend.  Remember that your friends wouldn't say hurtful things to you, so neither should you.
• Accept your body as it is.  This doesn't mean to let yourself go, but to accept what is, and not freak out or punish yourself for not being "perfect." Flaws are inevitable.  Work on improving yourself over time without judgment. 
• Live a healthy lifestyle.  Eat properly, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep.  Your body knows what it needs.  Listen to it.
• Do what makes you laugh.  Do what makes your heart sing.  Wear what you want.  Wear your hair the way you want.  Be your best self.  Be someone you'd love to hang out with, because, let's face it, you are who you hang out with ALL the time.
• Make a point to challenge feelings of self-blame, -doubt, and -shame.  
• Celebrate your strengths, talents, abilities, and uniqueness.
• Take notice of the types of people you hang out with.  Are these healthy relationships?  Are these people good to you?  Do they have your back?  Or are they always finding fault or trying to drag you into activities you don't feel comfortable doing?
• Surround yourself with positive people.  Get yourself a strong support system you can rely on.  Stick with people who believe in you.
• Forgive yourself.  Everyone makes mistakes.  Mourn those mistakes and move on.
• Tell that inner critic to hit the road.  It doesn't serve you in the least to listen to that negative voice.  It's not wise.  It's not protecting you.  It's only helping to kill your self-acceptance.  Ditch it.
• Let go of those things; those circumstances you can't control and concentrate on those that you can control.

Do you do any of these things?  I do, yes.  Some.  Do you accept yourself as you are?  Yes, I do, now, I'm happy to say.  Of course, everyone has their off days, but make a point to practice self-acceptance every day and you'll find it easier as time passes.  

Can you think of anything else that I've missed?  Let me know in the comments.  Have a great weekend!  

Vlog: Fitness and Chronic Health Issues

Hi!  I hope you're having a great Wednesday.  Today's vlog focuses on fitness and chronic health issues.  I discuss how to get started, the importance of talking with your doctor or medical team before starting a fitness program, and how to advance your fitness program to get better results.  I hope you find this video helpful.  Exercise is so important to our well-being.  Whether you use a chair, walking aids, or you walk without aid, there are exercises you can do to get and keep fit.  I'm a former certified personal trainer.  I gave up my certification recently, but I still know a thing or two about fitness.  So if you have any questions, please feel free to ask.  If I can't help you, I can refer you to other professionals who might be able to answer your questions for thoroughly.  Good luck with your fitness program and have fun!

Take Time to Let Loose and Have Fun

I was on Facebook Live this afternoon.  My phone isn't keeping a charge, so I'm coming to you from Facebook Live.  Here's the link to my Facebook page.  Scoot down to today's post (August 7, 2017) and check it out.  It's all about letting loose and having fun.  Let me know what you think.   Thanks.   https://www.facebook.com/acnlifecoach/

Start Where You Are Now

Do you feel stuck?  Do you wonder what career you should pursue?  Do you want to make friends but you're unsure how to go about it?  Have you experienced a major life change and you just don't know how to restart your life?  

Years ago, I read "Three Feet From Gold," by Sharon L. Lechter and Greg S. Reid.  In it, they talked about combining what you love with what you're good at to be more successful.  That concept has stayed with me ever since.  I truly believe that if you do what you love and combine it with what you're good at, you will succeed at whatever you set out to do.  

Try it.

1. Start where you are right now.  Really feel, hear, touch, taste, and see your surroundings.  Be present. What do you experience?  What makes you want to change?  What things would you like to change regarding your current situation?  
2.  Take a notebook or open a new document on your IPad or similar device, and make two columns.  Label the first column, "What I Love."  
3. Ask yourself what you love or love to do.  What brings you joy, excitement, satisfaction?  List them all in this first column--as many as come to mind.
4. Label the second column, "What I'm Good At."  
5. Ask yourself what you are good at.  What skills, knowledge, abilities do you have?  List everything you can think of in the second column.
6. Compare the two lists.  What do you see?  Can you combine one or two items from each column to make a career, find friends, restart your life?  For example, say you love to teach and you're good at playing the piano.  Could you possibly combine the two and give piano lessons?  Or, you love animals and you're good at organizing.  Could you volunteer to be on the board of the local animal shelter and help organize fundraising events as a way to potentially meet new people and make friends?
7. Once you've picked at least one item from each list, start thinking how you can make this new venture a reality.
8. Make a new list.  What tools do you already have?  
9. And another.  What tools do you need?
10. And another.  What potential roadblocks could you come upon to keep you from following through?
11. Another list.  Who could help you conquer these roadblocks and accomplish what you set out to do?
12. What timeframe will you give yourself to accomplish this goal of a new career, new friends, new lifestyle--whatever new endeavor you chose?
13. Another list.  What three things will you do in the next week to kickstart this new venture?
14. And one more.  What will you do to celebrate little victories along the way, and that big victory when your goal is accomplished?

So, what do you think?  Is this exercise something you're willing to try to get yourself unstuck?  If you do try it, please let me know how it turns out.  I'd love to hear about your journey.   

Vlog: First Impressions in Friendship

Today's vlog is about first impressions.  Do first impressions dictate if you'll give a friendship a chance?  Do you know right away if you click with someone?  I'm usually good at knowing right away if a person is friend material or not.  My first impressions are generally correct.  If I don't like someone from the get-go, they usually end up being jerks long-term.  If we connect immediately, they usually are friends for years.  Let me know how first impressions regarding friends usually work for you.  Take care.

Vlog: Do You Talk to People in the Elevator?

Happy first day of August!  I can't believe August is here already.  It's crazy how time passes by so quickly.  

Today's vlog topic is elevator talk.  Do you talk to people when riding in an elevator?  Do you think there's no point because you'll be on there too briefly to really get into a conversation?  Do you feel awkward talking with people you don't know?  In the video, I give examples of several conversation starters to use the next time you're in an elevator.  That exchange could lead to a solid friendship, or you may never see the person again.  But the time to connect and converse any chance you get, wherever you may be.  It opens up our world.  It can perk our day up.  Give it a try and let me know what happens.  Take care.