Vlog: Service Dogs/Assistance Dogs

Service dogs can provide help to people with vision problems, hearing problems, and other disabilities.

Do you have one?

Do you need one?

Are you contemplating getting one?

I looked up the law and it didn't require a vest for the dog.  I thought that was odd.  It would seem that people would have less trouble with a service animal being in a store or restaurant if the animal was obviously a service animal.  Otherwise, anyone could say the animal was a service animal and it could simply be their pet that they didn't want to leave alone at home or in the car.

The Americans with Disabilities Act states that people with disabilities are allowed public access rights for their specially trained assistance dogs.  Anywhere. 

There are rules, though.

•  the dog must be well-behaved and under control, on a leash or harness
• the dog must be well-groomed
• the person is responsible for the dog including cleaning up any messes, keeping the dog under control, and paying for any damage the dog does
• the dog must be trained to perform one or more tasks for the person

Business owners are allowed to ask only two questions of a person with a dog coming into their business:

• Is that your pet?
• What does the dog do for you?

What business owners can't ask:

• What is your disability?
• For proof of disability
• For proof of where the dog was trained

How to get a service dog

• Get a letter from your doctor stating that you are disabled under the American Disabilities Act.
• You need to know what you need help with so the dog can be specifically trained for that purpose.
• You must be willing to wait for the dog to be trained.
• Pay about $25,000 for a professionally trained dog.  You can train your own dog, too, though.

Emotional support dogs

• Can live with you in housing where dogs aren't allowed without paying an extra fee.
• Can fly with you without additional fees.
• Any dog can be an emotional support dog and they don't have to be specially trained.
• It's a good idea to get a vest or tag, though, to save the hassle of explaining the dog's presence everywhere you go.
• Some conditions you can have a support dog for are: anxiety, phobias, eating disorders, and suicidal thoughts/tendencies.
• Consult your doctor for information on how to go about getting an emotional support dog.

More information:

• Even if a business posts a "no pets" sign, service dogs are allowed.
• Business owners cannot charge a maintenance fee for allowing the dog to enter.
• The dog isn't required to wear a vest, but it is recommended 
• https://www.officialservicedogregistry.com/register-your-emotional-support-dog/

What do you think of the fact that emotional support dogs don't have to be trained?  I think that's kind of odd.  I wouldn't want just any dog in the store.  If they don't like the scent of someone, or another trained dog comes along, the untrained dog could cause a lot of trouble.

Vlog: Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

I got to thinking about self-esteem and self-confidence the other days.  I've heard them used interchangeably but felt as if they weren't quite the same.  I was right.

Self-esteem is:

• how you generally feel about yourself
• how much you like/love yourself
• your overall view of who you are
• influenced by past experiences and the surroundings you were raised in
• influenced by family, school, friends, and community

How can you improve it?

• surround yourself with positive people who believe in you
• look inside and come to terms with your past
• leave unhealthy relationships
• forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made
• be good to yourself (exercise, eat healthfully, get good sleep)
• do things you enjoy (hobbies, sports, interests)
• write down things you like about yourself
• learn something new (take classes, listen to podcasts, etc.)
• do what you love and are good at for work
• realize you are good enough
• stop blaming others for what they have done to you
• stop worrying about what others think
• stop trying to please others
• say no to things you really don't want to do.  Say yes to what makes your heart sing
• stop trying to compete with others.  We all have our strengths and weaknesses.  Concentrate on your goals, no one else's.
• live your life your way without apology

Sef-confidence is:

• how you feel about your abilities
• how you view your capabilities to do things and handle a job or emergency, for example

You may be more confident at skiing than working with computers.  Or, dancing versus math.  Or, driving may not be one of your strengths, but you are an excellent speaker.

How can you improve self-confidence?

• get out of your comfort zone
• try something that scares you a little
• test yourself
• try a new job--maybe volunteer there first to see if you like it
• hang out with positive people who will challenge you in a good way
• boost your independence
• become your own advocate

The more you challenge yourself--step out of your comfort zone--the more you will become comfortable doing these new things and making decisions.  Building self-confidence self-esteem!

How do you building your self-esteem and self-confidence?  Who in your life has helped you do so?  

Vlog: Changing Friendships: Communicate and Be Fair

Hello!  Happy Monday!  I hope you had a great weekend.  We had a game night with friends  Saturday and it was a lot of fun.  It's always fun to get together with our friends.  We played Sequence.  That's a fun game that we all enjoy.  We also played a bit of a trivia game and charades as well.  Games are a great way to bond, relax and have lots of fun with friends.  We started our game night a few years ago and we're glad we did.  Just spread the word to your friends that you'd like to start a game night, say, once a week or once a month or even a few times a year, and see what kind of response you get.  We have had one person up to, I think, 12 or 15 attend our game nights!  It's your game night:  you decide on the number of people you want to join in.  

Okay, now on to today's video.  In it, I talk about changing friendships and how to handle them.  Change is natural and healthy.  It's best to handle such change with understanding and calm.  Of course, if you truly want particular friends who have distanced themselves to be a part of your life again, you need to be honest and forthright.  Let them know you care about them and would like to spend more time together again.  Find out if there are any misunderstandings that caused them to back off in the first place, clear the air, and hopefully rekindle that friendship.  

Have you had friends distance themselves from you?  If so, what did you do about it?  How did it make you feel?  I'd love your feedback.  Take care.

Vlog: Advantages of Acting on a Goal

Hi!  Here is my latest vlog post, this time on the advantages of acting on a goal.  Goal setting is an important part of accomplishing something you really want to do.  Then comes the planning stage.  You need to plan out how you'll meet those goals.  But, then what?  

Action!

Without action, you may never know if you have it in you to make your dreams come true.  You may never get to experience new things and go new places because you were afraid to try; afraid to fail, or you were discouraged by someone who thought you shouldn't risk it.  Well, I'm here to encourage you to do  just the opposite:

• Try!
• Fail!
• Do!

Take those plans and put them into action to make your dreams come true, to meet your goals.  You may have to go through a lot of trial and error to get things right.  You may get discouraged.  You may feel like giving up.  That's okay.  Just as long as you keep trying, maybe faiilng, too, but definitely doing.  Doing something!  Without doing, you'll never know if you can do it or not.  Without failing, you might not learn valuable lessons about where to make adjustments so what you want to do comes easier and turns out better.  Without trying, you will never know how awesome it is to live on your own, travel the world, take a class, have a life-changing surgery, or anything else you may dream of doing.  

Forget the naysayers, stick to your guns, and go for your goals.  You. Can. Do. It.  Let me know how it goes.  I would love to hear from you.

Vlog: How to Travel With Friends

Hey there!  I'm sorry I'm late.  I'll have another post tomorrow to make up for it.  I've had doctor's appointments and volunteering to take care of this week that has kept me away from my blog.  

But, I'm back.  This time, talking about how to travel with friends.  We could get along perfectly well day to day with friends, but put us in a travel situation with them and--well, it isn't necessarily pretty.  

But it doesn't have to turn out ugly.  Here are tips on how to travel smart with friends to help keep the peace, and keep friendships intact throughout the vacation and long afterward.  

Have you traveled with friends?  What did you do to prepare for it?  How did it go/  Please share your thoughts.  Thank you!

Vlog: Toxic Friends and What to Do About It.

Hello!  Here is my latest vlog post on toxic friends.  There are a lot of signs of toxicity in friendship including abuse, lying, having only one-sided conversations, excessive drinking, and trying to get you to do things that go against your values.  It is up to you to decide whether to give such a friend a second...or third or fourth...chance or say goodbye.  It is important to watch for these and other signs of toxicity and try to remedy the situation before it causes you physical pain, stress, and illness.  

Do you have, or have you had, toxic friends?  How have you dealt with the situations you've been in with such friends?  Are they still your friends, or have you moved on?  Let me know in the comments, or you can email me.  

I also want to let you know that I'm now posting a blog post on Mondays and a vlog post on Wednesdays.  I have been quite busy lately, so I stopped blogging on Fridays for now, until my Identity perception program is finished, sometime in the next month or so.  Take care, and I'll catch you back here again on Monday.  Have a great weekend!

Practice Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is very important.  I didn't realize how much so until I was an adult.  I had never accepted myself fully throughout childhood.  I had never fully accepted my life with spina bifida and the health issues that came with it.  I got good at self-care, but that didn't mean I had made my peace with it.  I hated it.  I was very self-conscious, shy, and insecure.  I didn't appreciate the fact that being unique was a good thing.  I didn't appreciate my talents and strengths. 

Self-Acceptance

So, how can you practice self-acceptance, you may be asking.  Here are some of the ways:

• Avoid judging or criticizing yourself.  Be as good as you can be.  Everyone makes mistakes.  Don't beat yourself up about it.  
• Be your own friend.  Remember that your friends wouldn't say hurtful things to you, so neither should you.
• Accept your body as it is.  This doesn't mean to let yourself go, but to accept what is, and not freak out or punish yourself for not being "perfect." Flaws are inevitable.  Work on improving yourself over time without judgment. 
• Live a healthy lifestyle.  Eat properly, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep.  Your body knows what it needs.  Listen to it.
• Do what makes you laugh.  Do what makes your heart sing.  Wear what you want.  Wear your hair the way you want.  Be your best self.  Be someone you'd love to hang out with, because, let's face it, you are who you hang out with ALL the time.
• Make a point to challenge feelings of self-blame, -doubt, and -shame.  
• Celebrate your strengths, talents, abilities, and uniqueness.
• Take notice of the types of people you hang out with.  Are these healthy relationships?  Are these people good to you?  Do they have your back?  Or are they always finding fault or trying to drag you into activities you don't feel comfortable doing?
• Surround yourself with positive people.  Get yourself a strong support system you can rely on.  Stick with people who believe in you.
• Forgive yourself.  Everyone makes mistakes.  Mourn those mistakes and move on.
• Tell that inner critic to hit the road.  It doesn't serve you in the least to listen to that negative voice.  It's not wise.  It's not protecting you.  It's only helping to kill your self-acceptance.  Ditch it.
• Let go of those things; those circumstances you can't control and concentrate on those that you can control.

Do you do any of these things?  I do, yes.  Some.  Do you accept yourself as you are?  Yes, I do, now, I'm happy to say.  Of course, everyone has their off days, but make a point to practice self-acceptance every day and you'll find it easier as time passes.  

Can you think of anything else that I've missed?  Let me know in the comments.  Have a great weekend!  

Fear: Contributing to a Life-long Habit of Poor Decision-Making

Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.  It is often referred to as anxiety.  Fear causes a gut-wrenching response (frozen in fear, for example), while anxiety may make you feel mildly queasy.  A bit of anxiety can be a good thing.  It can help you prepare for an important exam or meeting, and even that reasonable fear can prevent you from crossing a street into oncoming traffic.  But a phobia is a different story altogether.  It is an intense, persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, situation, activity, or person.  People with phobias will do anything to avoid what triggers this intense fear.  While anxiety and reasonable fears don't necessarily hinder a person from leading a normal life, phobias certainly do.

Fear and Decision Making

I can relate to fears and even phobias.   I grew up fearing so many things.  Some were normal fears, while others did get in the way of my living a normal life.  From the time I was a small child, fear has contributed to poor decision making on my part.

• Fear of strangers:  At my oldest brother's wedding, I was afraid of my new sister-in-law's father as he was a stranger to me.  But I think the more significant reason was that he wore a white suit coat which I must have associated with those worn by doctors.  Instead of snuggling up to him, I screamed until he finally handed me back over to my mother.  Ouch!  I was six months old.

• Fear of the dark:  It took me ages to leave my parents' bedroom for my own.  When I finally made the switch, I was afraid of the shadows, thinking they were monsters.  I still don't like being out and about in the dark, whether walking in the neighborhood, sitting around a campfire, navigating the rooms of our house, or driving.  I rarely drive at night.  I can't navigate streets as well as I can during the day, and I easily get lost.  This limits me in that I opt out of events that I would enjoy going to that Jim has no interest in, such as concerts, lectures, or parties.

• Fear of being alone or abandoned:  This has always been a big one for me.  I was in isolation in the hospital when I was about three years old due to an infection.  Between the strict visiting hours and my parents' having seven other children to take care of at home, I didn't see them much.  I developed an intense fear of being left alone or abandoned.  If my mother dropped me off at the mall, I would worry that she would forget to pick me up.  If my husband dropped me off at college, I would think the same thing.  That feeling still crops up to this day when I'm dropped off somewhere and the driver drives off.  I am certain that time in isolation is the reason for this fear.  I have never lived on my own.  I went from my childhood home to an apartment with a roommate to an apartment with my husband.  I think it would have been wise for me to wait a bit before getting married.  I was too young.  I'm in my fifties now and feel like I'm still in my thirties, so imagine how young I felt when I got married at 24.  I was an infant emotionally.  I had no clue how to do the marriage thing.  None.  I wish I would have lived on my own for a year or two before taking the plunge.  It would have made those early married years much less boggling.  But both my husband and I thought we were getting long in the tooth (he was a whopping 26, oh my) and if we were going to get married, we'd better get on with it.  Oh, please!  Age doesn't mean a thing.  We should have concentrated on, "Are we ready?"  or that little voice giving us warning signs that it's just not the right time.

• Fear of thunderstorms:  Another big one.  I totally tense up at the slightest sound of thunder in the distance.  When I was a young child, I would lie on the couch and cover my head with pillows until the storm passed.  As I got older, I would simply lie in bed if I was home until it was over.  If I was out and about, forget it.  I was a mess.  I wrote about one particularly frightening episode that happened in Florida decades ago.  I inherited this fear from my father who was deathly afraid of thunderstorms.  He was a hard worker, but if a thunderstorm hit, all work stopped and he and my siblings would head for the safety of the house.  He cautioned against using the telephone, stove, and any number of other things during a storm.  He developed his fear when he was a boy working on his family's farm.  He was tending to a cow when the barn was hit by lightning.  The charge traveled to the cow, which died and fell on my dad.  He never forgot that.  To this day, I will not drive in a thunderstorm.  If it's supposed to storm on a day I have an appointment, I cancel it.  My husband, meanwhile, loves thunderstorms.  While I run for cover, he runs outside to watch it roll in.  Oh, my.  

• Fear of dogs:  I have always had a fear of dogs.  I'm short and my balance is not that great, so jumping dogs are especially worrisome.  I've been tripped and knocked down by a few pooches in my day.  I have nothing against dogs in general, but I automatically tense up when I see a dog.  I especially get nervous when I see a dog running loose with or without a human companion.  That happens a lot in the park behind our house, and occasionally in the neighborhood, so I never walk alone.  That is a bummer because I would love to explore the area on my own. 

• Fear of the unknown/uncertainty:  Here's yet another big one for me.  I have always feared the unknown, including the world of work, social clubs, being in a large group of people I don't know, working for others, traveling with or without Jim, and most recently, health insurance.  I like to know what's ahead.  I like to have a routine.  With the above examples, I don't know how it's going to go.  So I freeze up and avoid it if I can, or if I can't, I worry about what could go wrong.  It's mostly tied to health issues.  Will I get sick?  Will I get hurt?  Will my supervisor understand if I have to take time off for illness or surgery?  (Even if she is understanding, I will still feel guilty about it.)  Will my ostomy pouch leak in transit on a trip or during a gathering?  Do I have enough health maintenance supplies with me?  What if... What if... What if...  It drives both Jim and myself a little nutty, to be honest.  That's why I work at home and have for the past 20+ years, and I love that I can do that.  The traveling, well I grin and bear it when traveling with Jim, but inside I'm calculating when I need to do the next maintenance or take the next medication, and how to fit these things into the day's activity schedule. I've declined opportunities to travel with others, depending on the circumstances. I wish I could just go, have fun, and forget about the medical stuff just for a bit.  But my medical mind never shuts off.  It is always talking to me, keeping me in check. As for health insurance, don't get me started.    

• Fear of change:  The comfort zone feels safer, so I generally like to stay put.  I've made that not-so-good decision many times during my life.  Change means beginning again.  It means learning routes to work, school, the grocery store, the hospital in a new city.  It means telling my new doctors my medical life story--again.  It means hearing from those doctors that I'm "a unique case"--again. It means new people, new places, new jobs, new everything.  Or, it means simply changing an attitude a little bit.  Ha.  Simply?  Not.  It's difficult.  It takes time.  Meanwhile, I'm fearful that I won't be able to adjust.  I've put off moves, jobs, switching to a new doctor because I dreaded the change.  But it's worth the effort.  Change is good.  It provides growth and learning and cleans the cobwebs out of our brains and bodies and lives.

• Fear of water:  I've always been leery of the water.  I never learned to swim, almost drowned in the high school swimming pool, and get the heebie-jeebies when crossing a bridge over water.  I'm afraid of going more than ankle-deep into the water.  The smart decision to make in this case would be to sign up for swim lessons, but I never have.  Yet.  I absolutely refuse to learn to swim with a group.  That's how I almost drowned in the first place.  One on one lessons appeal to me.  Another fear has gotten in the way of those lessons, though:  the facility is across town and it's a tricky driving route.  Sigh. 

• Fear of intimacy:  I was self-conscious about dating.  I tended to stay inside this wall I built up around myself, to keep me from getting too close to others.  To keep me safe.  But it also made me feel isolated and alone as well.  To this day, I have a hard time opening up to people until I know them quite well.  Sharing super-personal stuff related to health issues comes only when I have known a person a long time, and then only if I sense that they will understand.  I have to experience a certain vibe when I'm with the person.  If it isn't there, I won't share.  So, I didn't date much and I have very few deep friendships.  

• Fear of driving:  Around the age of 13 I started stressing about learning to drive.  The closer I got to 16, the worse my anxiety became.  Most of my classmates were a year younger than me due to the fact that I repeated second grade because of frequent health-related absence that year.  While some of my classmates were envious that I was old enough to get my driver's license, I was petrified at the notion.  I absolutely did not want to get my driver's license--ever.  But, finally, when I turned 19, my mother dragged me down to the DMV.  She had waited until she was in her 50s to get hers and she wasn't about to let me do the same thing.  It took me four attempts, but I finally got it.  But, license or not, I hardly ever drove.  I was afraid to drive even on the quietest of roads.  I was afraid to drive without someone with me. I was afraid I was going to get into an accident, break down, or get lost.  I dreaded coming across a detour and not knowing how to navigate it.  And forget about driving on snow and ice. It petrifies me.  It is one of the reasons, actually, why we moved to the desert.  We hardly ever get snow.  I also never drive long distances by myself, so no solo road trips for me, although it is enticing.  I've passed up job opportunities because of this fear.  I've passed up going to social gatherings as well.  It has been a significant and limiting fear for a very long time.  When we moved to Utah 10 years ago, I decided that I would attempt to conquer my fear of driving.  I went driving with Jim early on Sunday mornings when NOBODY was on the streets to practice finding my way around.  It took some time, but now I can drive fairly stress-free in most areas of the city.  That was a huge accomplishment for me.

• Fear of rejection:  This fear has caused me to shy away from opportunities for work, friendships, and dating.  I was afraid to try.  I was afraid that I wouldn't get the job because of my disability; that people would think I would be a liability, or that I wasn't qualified.  I was afraid that people wouldn't want to be my friend because I was too different, too weird, too broken.  Or, guys wouldn't  want to go out with me because of my health issues, because I walked funny, or because I wasn't pretty enough, or smart enough, or tall enough.  My confidence was in the gutter on this one for a very long time.  

• Fear of public speaking:  This one goes back quite a ways.  I have always disliked public speaking.  It means getting up in front of people.  It means all eyes are on me and, oh boy, what if I goof.   It involves being vulnerable.  All things that really creep me out.  So, I've stayed away from public speaking in business, which means I'm limiting my exposure to those audiences; those potential clients.  Ironically, the best speech I ever gave was on spina bifida.  I was in college at the time.  Maybe that should spur me to actively entertain speaking more on special needs and abilities as well as friendship.  But the thought of doing it still creeps me out, even though it is enticing.  We'll see.

• Fear of death:  This fear has to do with driving, rather than medical stuff.  Medical stuff, I'm good.  I am not afraid to die from my health issues.  I just don't want someone to smack me when I'm out and about driving and end up killing me in the process.  And what's even more frightening is, I don't want to be the one charged in a case of vehicular manslaughter.  I would absolutely never, ever, ever, ever drive again if I ever killed someone while I was driving.  Especially a child.  Never.  I would fall into a bazillion pieces.  Whenever a child runs out from behind a parked car on my street, chasing a ball or something, I about die. And when I drove our most recent exchange student to school every day, well, you can imagine how I felt as we approached the school and teen drivers were everywhere, kids walking in the street, on the sidewalks, everywhere.  My stress level was through the roof.  But I did it.  I did much better this time around than when we hosted years ago.  That fear just about did me in. I wouldn't drive.  Would NOT drive.  I was obsessive about it, and it caused masses of tension that contributed to that student leaving to live with another family.  Luckily, in 11 years between the two exchanges, I've calmed down just a tad.

• Fear of getting physically hurt:  All my life I've been afraid to get hurt physically.  I didn't want another reason to have to go to the hospital.  So, I avoided walks with my family through the rough pastures on the farm, organized sports, backyard ball games with my family, gym class at school, and many other things that would have helped me keep in better shape as a child.  Also, there are countless hiking trails near us, and it bugs me that I can't tackle strenuous ones for fear of landing in the hospital or ending up dead.  

• Fear of failure:  This is another big one.  I was afraid to try activities, hobbies, classes, jobs, and business opportunities because I thought that I would mess up.  It ended up being a pain in the neck because I got so, even if I did give something a shot, I didn't have the confidence to stick it out.  So, rather than keep going when things got a little sticky, I gave up.  But the kicker is, to me now, giving up is worse than failure.  Not giving myself time to get settled into a position or activity is cheating myself out of a potentially life-enriching experience.  Instead, I would give up and go home, convinced I was a failure.  I wasn't a failure.  I just didn't have the confidence to stick it out to the true end, whether that end came in a day or in 30 years.  

How We Develop Fears

So, how do we develop these sometimes annoying, sometimes debilitating fears?  There are generally three ways:

Direct experience:  We are afraid of thunderstorms because we were hit by lightning.

Indirect experience:  Our father is deathly afraid of thunderstorms because he was hit by lightning, and observing his fear makes us fearful as well.

Learned from the media: We hear about devastating storms in the media, so every time there is a thunderstorm, we freak out, thinking it's a tornado.

What to Do?

There are many things that you can do to try to ease your fears to help facilitate better decision making.  Here are some suggestions.  If these don't work, and you find that your fears interfere with your ability to function normally, day to day, consult a health care professional for help.

• Take your time:  Think about the options and the pros and cons of each one.  Think of the people, time, and energy involved.  Will you be able to stick with your decision happily for the long haul?

Be true to yourself:  Think about the decision in terms of your priorities, goals, and values.  Whatever feels right to you in your gut is most likely the best choice.

• Reduce the stress in your life:  If you are stressed, you'll have a harder time concentrating on the decision you need to make.  Keep your life as simple as possible to help facilitate positive decisions.  Clear space in your calendar to really concentrate on the issue at hand, go for a walk, meditate--anything that will calm your spirit and give you clarity.

• Avoid worrying about making the wrong choice:  Instead of worrying about making the wrong choice, be happy that you do have a choice.  You're not being forced to make one decision over the other, you are being given the gift of, maybe, several choices.  Concentrate deeply on each option and go with your gut, again, when making your decision.  It is usually right.  

• Get inspired by others:  See what others did when they had a tough decision to make.  What strategies did they use to figure out what to do?  You can ask your friends, family, colleagues, neighbors--anyone you trust to give you an honest answer.  You can also read inspirational books and articles, and view videos to gain insight.

• Treat mistakes as lessons:  You may choose the wrong path.  Down the road, you're thinking, "What did I do!?"  But, you made the decision based on the knowledge and information you had available to you at the time.  Treat it as a lesson, make necessary changes, and try something else.  It's done.  It's over.  Work on forgiving yourself and move on.

Have your fears contributed to poor decision making on your part?  How did those decisions affect your life?  What did you do to facilitate change?   

Vlog: Do You Play the Blame Game?

 Do you play the blame game?  Do you blame others for your health issues?  Do you blame your siblings for being healthy?  Do you blame your peers for leaving you out of activities? Do you blame employers for not giving you a chance?  

I have at various times over the years.  

It doesn't work.  It doesn't get you anywhere.

Take action.  Take responsibility for your self-care.  Be your own advocate.  Provide information.  Let people know what you can and can't do.  Communication is huge.  

So, do you blame others for your health issues, or do you take responsibility for getting out there and doing what needs to be done in order to educate people about your needs and abilities?

I'd love to hear from you.  

Taking Proactive Steps to Reduce Stress

I've no doubt mentioned before that I don't like to drive.  Well, I had a doctor's appointment today with a doctor I only see once a year, so I always have to refamiliarize myself with the route to his office.  His office is located at a very busy intersection, and I'm always nervous that I'll get into a fender bender on the way there.  But I was tired of being afraid.  Tired of worrying.  So, I decided to scope out other routes to his office.  It occurred to me that it was a particularly difficult left-hand turn followed by the need for an immediate lane change in order to turn right into the office parking lot in time, that always gave me fits.  

I remember talking with my sister-in-law about driving years ago, and she said that it doesn't matter how you get there, as long as you arrive safely.  So, I started thinking of creatives ways to get to the office without making those tricky maneuvers.  And, it came to me that I have no problem driving to another doctor's office located a mile or so down the same street from the office I was headed to today.  So, instead of making that pesky left-hand turn, I drove straight through the intersection down to the left-hand turn I felt comfortable with, made the right turn into the other doctor's office parking lot, meandered around the lot to the exit, drove to the pesky intersection, hitting it from the other direction, took a right and another right into the parking lot, and, viola, I made it without incident.  

Now that I've discovered a more stress-free way to get to the doctor's office, I won't feel so crazed the next time.

What activity stresses you out every time you have to do it?  Do you get overly nervous before a doctor's appointment?  Do you freak out when confronted with anything unfamiliar?  If so, take a step back, relax, and brainstorm ways you can tackle the problem and make the situation much less stressful.  What bothers you most?  What adjustments could you make that would ease the stress?  Who could you ask for help?  Good luck!

I would love to hear how you help avoid, or at least diffuse, stressful situations.  Email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com or post a comment below.  Thanks!  Have a great weekend.  

You Forgot to Grow

I'm back after a bit of a break.  We welcomed Naja, a Danish high school student we are hosting this school year, on August 4, so we took some time off to get acquainted and show her around the area a bit.  We braved the Grand Canyon in the pouring rain, although the sun came out long enough for us to enjoy our picnic lunch outside under a canopy of pine trees.  Checked out a bit of Zion National Park, as well as the desert landscape of neighboring Nevada and Arizona.  Went to a birthday BBQ over the weekend, and, of course, ate a bit of  ice cream too.  :-)    We have so many ice cream places in our area!  The first year we were here (2007), we tried every single one of them to see which were our favorites.  Yum.  :-)  Naja also made us a delicious Danish meal last night.  

It's been a busy, fun week.  She is a lovely girl.  We have had a very nice time.  I think this will be a great adventure for us all.

Now, on to the subject of today's post...

Earlier in the week, Jim and I were at the grocery store, when a lady came up to me and joked, "You forgot to grow!  Bet you have never heard that before."

I was a bit confused at first, but then laughed it off.  I've been laughing this type of comment off for decades.

But it bugged me.  It hit me the wrong way.   Yes, I am short.  I get it.  But, come on folks, yes I've heard it before.  Many times.  You know I must have.  Sooo....

Cut it out!

It's not cute anymore.  It's not funny. 

I am who I am.  This woman is who she is.  Enough said.  Leave it alone and move on.

I'll probably keep laughing it off, being a good sport.  But my message to you is, be sensitive to others.  Chances are, if someone is short, they have already heard every short joke in the book.  Same for tall folks, heavy foks, people with big noses, bushy beards, unique gaits or birth marks, unusual accents or first or last names, and so on.  If they bring the subject up, okay, fine.  But leave it alone otherwise, especially if you don't know the person well.  

Is there something that people are always bringing up to you; that they won't let die? Something that you're tired of?  If so, how do you handle it?