Vlog: Hosting Visitors When You Have Chronic Health Issues

When you are hosting overnight guests, you have things to do:

• Clean the house and keep it clean
• Entertain
• Cook extra food
• Play tour guide

You may also feel as if you need to be "on," up, positive, and happy the whole time.

Do you get nervous?  Love it?  Hate it?

Do you find yourself wishing for the visit to be over?  Or, do you wish they would buy a house in your neighborhood so they would have their own place to live nearby so you could see them more often?

Do you usually have a great time?

Do you talk openly about your medication schedules, mobility issues, tiring easily, food allergies, other issues?

Do you hide your medical supplies, medication, etc.?

Do you dread the thought of getting sick during their visit?  Maybe your ostomy pouch leaks on an outing?  Or you have bowel or bladder problems?  Maybe you're arthritis flares up just as they arrive so you have no choice but to back out of a planned activity?  Similar, maybe you have chronic fatigue and are just too tired to take part in the festivities?  Do you worry constantly for days or even weeks before their arrival; during their stay; and will you even worry afterward, wondering if you were just a nuisance?

Ah yes, I've been there. 

So, how do you handle it?

• Set boundaries
• Take naps 
• Be honest about your needs as much as possible.
• Make meals ahead of time.
• Ask your guests to pitch in to help out with the dishes, laundry, and other tasks.

If these people are close enough to you to stay in your home, then they should understand.

I don't generally worry about guests coming to our house.  Everything I need is here, I get food I can eat, I have my doctor's nearby, and so on.  It's when I go away that things get a bit tricky.  When we visited our exchange student and family last year, I told them what I could and couldn't eat, and other particulars.  They were fantastic!  Our exchange student even remembered the milk that I drink and asked her mother to buy it, which she did!    I worried that I would get sick.  My best friend said, "You won't."  And I didn't!  

At least not until I got home.  Sigh.  But at least I was healthy on the trip.  That was the important thing.  I was busy, happy, exploring new places, meeting new people.  When I got home, I realized how tired I was and ended up getting sick.  But it was a great trip and I was glad I went.

How do you react to visitors?  Do you love welcoming people into your home?  Or dread it?  Have you gotten sick on trips?  Have you had health snafus happen while you hosted guests?  Let me know.  

Vlog: Wellness

The definition of wellness according to The World Health Organization is, "a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity."

What can you do to increase your wellness, your well-being?  Here are some ideas:

• be honest with yourself and others--if your friends can't understand your having to cancel plans, if your spouse resents your medical costs, if you just can't take your boss's attitude anymore, consider ending those relationships and finding new, more supportive ones.  Look inside and really think about it first, though.  Do what feels right for you and your health and well-being.
• be you--with no apologies!  You don't have to be rude to be real.  Just simply be yourself!
• keep up with your health maintenance--you need your health is thrive!
• maintain healthy relationships with your family, friends, coworkers, boss--everyone in your life--surround yourself with positive, supportive people who "get" you and challenge you in a good way.  They are your cheering section and have your back at all times.
• get regular wellness exams--super important!
• think outside the box:  Yes!  Explore, do stuff your own way, be different, celebrate new ideas and ways of doing things
• be creative--Yes!  Creative, expand your world, again, think of new ideas, refreshing ideas that make your heart sing, get involved in projects that you can disappear into, that you love!
• challenge yourself--Yes!  A good challenge is amazing to spark a sense of well-being!  You can do anything you set your mind to!
• expand your mind--think, learn, grow, experience different things, be open to different experiences!
• live by your values--be true to yourself and what you believe in!
• help out in your community--volunteer, make speeches, do outreach, spread awareness
• make a difference in a person's life--this can be big, small, somewhere in the middle.  Anything and everything counts and could make a huge impact on that person's life!
• care for your environment--your immediate environment at home, your town, your state, your country, the world.  That's up to you.  To make a difference is a great way to boost wellness!
• get good sleep--getting those zzzz's can make a huge difference in how you view your life and well-being!
• exercise regularly--Move!  Yes, keep moving and getting strong and boosting your mood and increasing flexibility!  There are so many benefits to regular exercise!  Do what you can.  There are all levels of exercises.  Pick the fun and doable ones, but also remember to keep challenging yourself as they become easier.
• eat healthfully--Yes!  Definitely eat healthy foods.  That doesn't mean you have to nix your favorite snacks.  Just make healthy eat a priority and have those treats now and then.

These are just some of the ways you can increase wellness.  Can you think of others?

I'd also like to talk about an article I read that I absolutely freakin' love!  It's called "Can Disability, Chronic Conditions, Health and Wellness Coexist?" by June Issaacson Kailes, MSW and LCSW.  It appears on the National Center on Health, Physical Activity and Disability (nchpad.org) website.  The following are just a few points made:

• A new definition of health where it is viewed as multi-dimensional and that optimal health is seen as defined within a given person's unique circumstances.
• Health is viewed as the maximizing of one's potential along various dimensions--balancing physical, social, emotional, spiritual and intellectual factors. 
• Under this definition, disability is not a roadblock to maximizing health and potential.  

How cool is that?!!  You can do anything you want to within your capabilities.  No comparison to athletes, or "normal" people.  You do the best you can within your abilities.  You compete with yourself and no one else.  You are healthy!  

The article also poses questions needing to be addressed regarding exercise for people with disabilities, such as:

• Where people with disabilities go for fitness information that is relevant to their needs
• How should we exercise?
• How much?

Further, the article states that people with disabilities need:

•  exercise guidelines that are age and function-limited-sensitive
• universal equipment!!!!!  This equipment would be for everyone!!!  I am short so when I went to the gym there were machines that I couldn't use because I couldn't reach them, or even the recumbent bikes that, while low, were long so I could reach the pedals even after making adjustments.

I encourage you to read the article.  There is so much cool information in it.  I hope it's helpful to you.  

So!  Are you committed to wellness?  What are you going to do to increase wellness in your life?  What are you doing already from the list above?  Celebrate that!  I would love to hear what you're doing, and what your plans are, and what you think of the article.  

Email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com, or comment below.

Now, I may have a guest blogger on Friday.  If not, that will happen soon.  And, I will see you back here next week.  Have a great weekend and take care.

Vlog: Friendship Wreaths and Other Hairwork

Hey there!  Happy Monday!  Today's vlog is about friendship wreaths and other hairwork.   I was inspired to talk about this subject by a visit to a local museum over the weekend.  I'm not a big fan of historical museums, but I loved this one.  The information on hairwork and, in particular, friendship wreaths, was so interesting.  Although hairwork has fallen out of favor, it was once a popular art form to remember family and friends.  

Have you ever heard of friendship wreaths or hairwork in general?  Here are a couple links that provide more information on this beautiful art form.  

Victorian Hair Art

Hairwork Wreath

Vlog: What If You Skipped Christmas?

Have you ever thought about skipping Christmas?  Skip the hubbub?  What would be your reasons for skipping it?  What would you do instead?  Regroup?  Do some introspection?  Meditate?  Go on a retreat?  How would your family react?  Your friends?  Freak out?  Understand?  That's what this vlog is about.  Have you ever skipped Christmas?  What happened?  Do you think you would consider trying it in the future?  I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic.  

Guest Blogger: Lauren (Lo) Najar

I'm pleased to welcome guest blogger, Lauren (Lo) Najar, to share her battle with cancer and how she used laughter to win that battle--twice.  

"The best thing you can do is master the chaos within you.  

You are not thrown into the fire, YOU ARE THE FIRE" – Mama Indigo

I am a cancer survivor (still sounds odd to me).  I am coming up on the five year mark (woo no more “pre-existing condition") and I couldn’t be more anxious or excited.  These anniversaries are celebrated the same, if not more, than my real birthdays.  Life began again for me on January 14th, 2013.

In May 2011, when I was 23, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  I received this news on my way to work in my car alone.  Within an hour, I was meeting with my mom’s previous oncologist, going to the clinic she once used to go through more tests.  My brother and sister met me there, who were both very upset (understandably).  My parents at this point were both deceased previously and their deaths were recent.  We couldn’t find the light at the end of the tunnel at this point.  Nothing seemed to be going right.  The only thing I wanted to do was become a hermit, answer phone calls from doctors when I had to, and the least of all was to face anyone else than my closest friends.  I couldn’t even call my family to let them know what was going on--my siblings and boyfriend did this for me.  I was the oldest in my family, and ever since my parents left, I felt the need to be in charge or to hold the house together.  My sister and I are close in age, however I still had the feeling that I needed to do this because I am the oldest.  I totally leaned on people this first weekend.  I felt so alone; no one could understand what I was going through. 

Eight months of chemo and radiation went by and I was soon in remission.  Chemo was difficult as the certain drugs gave me bad side effects, however I was able to complete it in the time table allotted.  I told my friends and family that I was free of any treatment and didn’t need anything else and we had small celebrations.  I was starting up my routine checkups and my oncologist spotted something in my lungs on one of my scans.  I was soon back going through a new round of tests as my cancer had come back.  I was sent to a new hospital, and had a new oncologist.  I was going through the same old regimen, and none of these tests were foreign to me anymore unfortunately.  My next set of treatment was going to be three rounds of chemotherapy followed by a bone marrow transplant (sounds scary right?!)  I had absolutely no idea what I was going to be going through or how these different drugs would have an effect on me.

My bone marrow transplant was the hardest part for me.  I spent three weeks in the hospital (this is a normal time frame for someone), however I was in a hospital that was not exactly local in my town.  I spent a lot of days alone as I didn’t have parents that were able to stay with me and my siblings all had jobs/school that they had to keep up as well.  Some days I wasn’t feeling well and the loneliness of it all was what I needed.  I had a lot of time to reflect and to think of what I wanted my life to be like after all is said and done.  I had an enormous support group, which some days I shut out as no one was there to answer questions for me such as “When are you coming home?,” “How are you feeling?”.  A girl can only answer those questions so many times and at times it was difficult to always keep someone in the loop.

I signed up for running races in the hospital, and planned a cancer remission party for the summer time when I was going to be healthy again.  I needed to focus on living life again.  I was so done with life being miserable, that you HAVE to make the best of it.  There isn’t an option.  Life is meant to be lived and sitting around focusing on all of the bad things in your life is the absolute worst thing you can do mentally.  I am incredibly lucky that I had such a great support group coming out of this second battle that life has been especially amazing becoming closer with friends and family.  It’s not easy making fun of your bald head, your treatments, and everything else by yourself!  (Try dancing to “I whip my hair back and forth” when you completely don’t have any…that is a good laugh J)

Everyone knows that chemo and radiation have long term effects.  On paper, I am a healthy and active 30 (!!) year old now.  I do not have any pain issues or any other issues from chemo or radiation.  However, I probably see enough doctors still to make sure that nothing is going to relapse and that all of my body parts and organs are still going to be working.  One thing that I was diagnosed with back in 2015 was Hypothyroidism.  This is the slowing of your thyroid function and likely caused by the radiation I received in 2011.  I have always been a consistent weight my entire life, even through chemotherapy.  As I was in remission, I gained ten pounds and it wasn’t because my lifestyle changed drastically or my eating habits.  I tried to up my workout regimen and started focusing more on my eating and I just wasn’t losing any weight.  This was caused by my thyroid no longer working as well as it did and it was more than 3 times the amount it should be at.  My heaviest was at 30+ pounds of my normal weight as well as my blood pressure increasing and my cholesterol was high.  With focusing more on what I eat and working out consistently as well as getting my thyroid medicine regulated, I am losing weight, but slowly.  I was never a person to worry about weight or body image, however because of this I am very self-conscious now because of the new weight gain.

The best advice that I can give from this is you need to learn to live with it.  I will not be as thin as I was before, and that is okay.  Am I healthy now?  Essentially yes.  Can I eat whatever I want like before?  No, but that is a good thing.  I need to eat better and I need to find foods that work better for my body.  I know my body now more than ever and I love how much I have learned about it.  I am thankful for this experience and now for this chronic side effect because it makes me truly watch what I eat.  I am getting older as well, and for everything that my body has endured thus far, I really need to focus on prolonging life and making sure I am trying to be as healthy as I can be (I do love chicken wings though).

There is something to be said about when life gets tough; you need to laugh.  You need to find the humor in how SILLY it is that these bad things happen.  How are these things happening to me?  You can’t dwell on it and try to make jokes either about yourself or the situation.  I did both and there was just nothing that I could have done.  All you can do is laugh and live through life! 

____

I am Lauren (Lo) Najar and I live in Chicago, IL.  I am an active person--I enjoy running races, yoga and any kind of healthy activity.  I am the founder of Laugh Always.  Laugh Always was created to inspire others on their personal journeys and to bring a community together to share their inspiration from all walks of life.

Social media links -
laughalways.net
Instagram.com/laughalwayswithlo

Facebook.com/laughalwayswithlo

Vlog: Thanksgiving and Christmas Memories

Hi!  I expected to get this posted yesterday but ran into technical difficulties.  I apologize for the delay.  In this video, I share some Thanksgiving memories and traditions and encourage you to share yours as well.  For example, do you go out to eat on Thanksgiving or have a big dinner at home with friends and family?  When do you start decorating for Christmas?  Do you prefer to say Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or Season's Greetings?  And, so on.  I also talk about the other holidays besides Christmas that are celebrated in December.  I hope you'll share some of your holiday traditions and memories.  I'd love to hear from you.  Post them in the comments below, or email them to me at amy@acnlifecoach.com  Thanks!  Take care.

Vlog: Take a Break!

Hi!  Just a quick video today.  We've got company coming so I'm crazy busy.  But I wanted to check in and wish you a great rest of the week and weekend.  This video reminds you to take a break, spend time with family and friends, chill out.  Work is important but you need to step back a bit now and then.  If you have health issues, you'll always have stuff to do for those.  It takes time and can be a pain in the butt sometimes to fit it in, but you have to take care of yourself.  But still, find that time, even five minutes, an hour, a day, a few days, to chill, have fun.  Let me know what you do for fun and to chill out.  Do you meditate, spend time in the park or the woods, hang out with family and friends, read?  I'll catch you again next week.  Take care.

Vlog: Memories of Growing Up with Spina Bifida

Hello there!  I hope you're having a good day.  Here is my latest vlog post on memories of growing up with spina bifida.  There are goofy moments, serious moments, scary moments, but we get through them all.  I've coped with these situations, as I've mentioned before, by daydreaming.  I've also used humor.  And family and good friends have helped as well.  Who helps you cope with the realities of spina bifida?  I hope you have some special people in your life who are there for you, care about you, and make you smile.  Take care.

Stepping Away From Your Life

It's great if you can make the life you're living positive and doable.  You like your job, your house, your family, your friends, your spouse or partner--it's all good.  Nothing's perfect, but it's good.  You're happy and contented.  Wonderful!

But what if you are living alone in a small town and want to travel the world?  Or, you're tired of living in a loveless marriage but you have no idea how to live on your own?  Or, you have grown up surrounded by wealth, servants, wanting for nothing-- except a normal life with a normal house, and chores and real friends who don't just like you because you have a lot of money?  Or, you and your spouse have dreams of quitting your jobs in the city and moving the family to a remote outpost to become self-sufficient? 

What if you've tried everything and life still leaves you feeling flat and miserable?  What then?  How would you be able to change it?  What steps would you need to take to prepare for this change?

You must plan ahead. Do not make rash decisions.  As much as you would like to change your life RIGHT NOW, it will not happen.  You need to figure some stuff out first:

• Do you really, really want to leave?  Is the situation so bad that it can't be fixed by discussion, changing attitudes, moving to a different house in the area, letting go of a toxic friend, changing jobs locally, getting involved in the community, meeting new people locally, counseling, and other means of resolution?  Or, is your heart set on this awesome, beautiful, amazing chance to live and work on the other side of the world; do you ache to study art in Paris; does your heart sing when you think moving from a small town to the big city or vice versa to experience a whole new way of life and culture--a new you?  If the answer is yes, then, consider:

• How will you tell your family and friends?  Your wants, needs, desires, and dreams, may not be remotely the same as those of your family and friends.  How do you tell those closest to you that you've decided to totally change your life, move away, and go on this amazing adventure?  Well, remember, this is your life.  You can do anything you set your mind to.  As long as you think it out and don't do something illegal or totally irresponsible, you're good.  You can do this.  You're an adult.  It's your decision.  But, if you expect the spouse and the kids to come along with you on this magical mystery adventure of yours, you'd better get ready to explain it and make it look really good.  REALLY good.  Be ready to answer the difficult questions:  Why should we uproot the family to do this?  How will we make a living?  What about the kids' schooling; their friends, our friends, our families?  On and on.  

• Can you make it on your own?  If you're planning to divorce, are you willing or able to do the things your spouse currently does for you and the family?  Do you get jumpy while in the house alone or do you love being alone?  Where will you live?  If you have health/mobility issues, do you need modified accommodations (wheel chair accessible, no stairs, modified counters/appliances and the like)?  Will you know what to do when an appliance, car or other machinery breaks down?  Where will you work?  What jobs are available in the new area?  Are you comfortable doing your taxes or paying someone else to do them?  What health care services are available in the area you want to move to?  Are they adequate?  Can you drive?  What's the public transportation system like where you want to move to?  What other services are provided in the new location?  If you move your family into the wilds, are you willing to hunt/gather and prepare your own food?   Do you know anyone who can help you settle into the new area?  Are you willing and able to be self-sufficient, or are you comfortable getting out and about to meet new people and developing a strong support system?  Are you prepared to trade the "good life" for a life you think will be better?  Are you willing to trade what is not so great, but it's okay-- it's routine and what you've always known--for the unknown that you think will be so much better?

• How will you pay for this major change?  Unless you have a lot of money of your own stashed away, you will have to save up for any big adventure.  That's what it is.  It's an adventure--whether the journey you're undertaking turns out good or bad--and you need to be prepared to support yourself, and any dependents who join you.  If you have health issues, you definitely have to look into the availability of jobs that fit your abilities and health maintenance schedule, financial assistance, and health insurance options.

• What legal stuff do you need to know?  If you're planning on leaving a spouse, make sure that you get legal counsel.  Find out what the laws are specific to where you live regarding asset division, child custody, spousal support and any other matters specific to your situation. Review your assets, debts, and whose name they're in.  Know what assets you have and the laws regarding division of those assets.  What are the laws in the cities, states, or countries you plan to move to?  What seems totally reasonable to the locals may seem outrageous, or at least weird, to you.  

• What else do you need to make this new life happen?  If you're moving across the state, the country, the world; if you're moving from the city to the country, the country to the city; if you're moving from a penthouse in New York City to a hut in Africa, you need to figure out what you can and cannot bring with you; what you do and do not need.  Have a huge clear out, getting rid of anything you don't need or want to take with you. And ask yourself, Can I actually live in this new place safely, affordably, and happily long-term?

Change is good, but make sure you think things out before going through with it.  Make sure it really is something you want and need to do.  Whether it is a positive move or not, you will experience bumps in the road.  Know you can handle them, and enjoy the ride.

Please note, this post wasn't written with abuse/neglect in mind.  If you are in a violent relationship, seek help immediately to get out of that relationship from trusted friends and family, local agencies and authorities.  

Good luck.

The True Secret of Happiness

There are many books on the market on the subject of happiness:  where it comes from;  how to get it; how to keep it; how to cope when it seems elusive.  I've read many of these books, and they truly have been helpful and interesting to me.  But I think William Morris has the best advice of all as stated in the quote I've included here to the left.

Taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.  That's what's important.  Being real.  Having an honest-to-goodness interest in your life, moment to moment.  Marveling at them.  Appreciating them.  Savoring them.  

It's easy to think that your life is mundane if you are constantly looking at it as compared to that of celebrities or friends who have more affluent lifestyles.  But consider looking at your life as if through a microscope instead.  Take every aspect of your life and think of the simple things that make it so awesome.

I've mentioned the Circle of Individual Perspective exercise before.  Draw a circle and divide it into six sections.  Next, label each section as follows:  Career, Relationships, Financial, Health, Spiritual, Well-being.  Now, rate your happiness in each of the six areas of life from 1 (very unsatisfied) to 10 (very satisfied).  Finally, draw a line across each pie slice approximately at the point that represents your satisfaction.  For example, If you rated your health a "5," you would draw a line across the midpoint of that slice.  If you rated your financial situation an "8," you would draw a line across that pie slice close to the edge of the circle.  This exercise is also sometimes called "The Wheel of Life," because, once those lines are connected, you can see how bumpy your life is compared to one in which each segment is quite equally satisfying.  Once you see that wheel, you can devise strategies and action plans to smooth things out and get each section closer to "10."  

Now, back to those "details."  

Career:  What is most satisfying about your career?  Who at the office makes you smile whenever you see him/her?  What simple ritual do you look forward to taking part in each day at work?

Relationships:  What little things do you love about your family and friends?  Who can you be alone with in a room, not talking or doing anything together, but feel totally comfortable with?  Do you have a sweet memory that pops into your head as soon as you think of a specific friend?  Do you have someone in your life that you can be silly with and it's totally okay?  Do you have someone in your life who totally "gets" you?  Do you have that special person in your life that you want to tell everything to as soon as it happens?  Do you have a special bond with someone who just makes you smile whenever you think of him?  Do you have a person in your life who you absolutely love to do thoughtful things for--pick up a colleague's favorite coffee on the way to work, write a love note to your spouse before you leave for work in the morning, or stop by an elderly neighbor's house to read to or play cards with her?  Do you have simple traditions that you look forward to participating in when you get together with certain friends and family?

Financial:  What are you thankful for regarding money?  What inexpensive activity do you love to do--maybe something you did as a child and still find joy in?  Do you feel secure money-wise?  If you are financially secure, what is one frugal thing you still do to save money?  Do you have simple saving tips you learned from your parents or friends that you still use?  Do you keep a jar for change in the house somewhere and look forward to seeing how much you've saved by the end of the year?  Every little bit helps.  (Side note: Jim is a genius at finding loose change.  He has funded a significant portion of our vacations with found money at various times over the years.  Tip:  look in coin returns at store checkouts and in vending machines (and on top of them), on the ground, on the floor, under seats and seat cushions, etc.  He never swipes money he personally sees people drop, however.  He picks it up and returns it.) 

Health:  Are you thankful for your good health?  Are you thankful for the health professionals who offer kind, encouraging words in times of illness?  Do you find something funny to laugh at even when you're in the hospital?  What tips have you picked up over the years that have helped you maintain good health?  What simple health-related rituals do you enjoy practicing?  What are some tricks that you have picked up to make fitness fun?  Do you have simple, healthy recipes that you enjoy preparing on a regular basis?  Do you have favorite go-to places for deals on healthy foods and exercise equipment?  Do you relish taking advantage of a 10-minute window of time to dance around your living room or go for a quick walk?  

Spiritual:  What simple things bring you peace?  What symbols of goodness and faith make you smile when you see them?  What beliefs bring you comfort during hard times and joy during good times?  Where is your favorite place to contemplate, meditate, or think?  Do you find peace in visiting the resting place of a loved one who has passed on?  Do you believe in guardian angels?  Do you find joy in doing simple acts of kindness for others?  Do you find it natural to be an honest person?  Do you feel comforted by the belief that spiritual entities/beings/higher powers are looking out for you?  Are you living your life purposefully?

Well-being:  Do you feel thankful for your life as it is right now?  Do you generally feel happy?  Do you wake up every morning, excited to start the day and see what it has to offer?   Do you find that your life is pretty much stress-free, or that you can handle the stressful situations you encounter in a healthy way?  Are you generally in a good mood?  Do you feel as if you are contributing to society in a positive way?  

These are just some questions you may want to ask yourself about different facets of your life.  I'm sure you can think of others that pertain to your life specifically.  The important thing is to ask yourself, "Am I happy?"   and "What is happiness to me?"  Then, live your life each day as close to your values and beliefs--your true self--as possible to help facilitate a feeling of true happiness.

What is your take on the topic of happiness?  Do you think it comes from the inside or the outside, or a little bit of both?  










  

I'm Tired: Dealing With Health Issues

Walking through the sprinklers in the park.

This has been quite a week.  It started out amazingly.  I got up early on Monday morning and got a ton of stuff done--personal stuff and business stuff.  I had every intention of keeping this productive, motivatiing trend going all week.  

Well...

Monday night, I started bleeding.  I won't go into the gory details, but it was more than a teensy bit of blood.  And it wouldn't stop.  I am usually pretty calm when it comes to medical stuff; health-related stuff.  I've lived in the medical world my entire life.  Most things don't freak me out.

Except blood.  And especially, bleeding that doesn't stop.

Even Jim was like, um, you need to go to the InstaCare, and he is usually the "wait and see what happens" type.  

I get to the InstaCare at the hospital and explain what's happening.  A doctor is consulted.  It's a 3-hour wait, and they aren't even sure they can handle my situation.  So, we decide that I should go to the ER.  I'm asked if I would like someone to wheel me over there in a wheelchair.

Um, no thank you.  I can walk.

Okay, we get to the ER.  They've been briefed by InstaCare already and are waiting for me.  I'm led to a room where they take my vitals, ask what's up, and review my meds.  Then, I'm told to wait in the waiting room.  Although the wait isn't extraordinarily long, it's long enough for the stupid bleeding to stop.

Sure, yes, that's a good thing.  But it means that I basically went there for nothing.  If I had waited at home for 15 minutes, it would have probably stopped.  But when it comes to blood, I act first and ask questions later.

I left the ER after about two hours with instructions on what to do if the bleeding started up again--wait 15 minutes, if the bleeding hasn't stopped, contact the doctor or return to the ER-- and a referral to a surgeon to look further into the matter.  

I was a nervous freakin' wreck!  We didn't get home until close to midnight.  I was exhausted but didn't sleep well because I was wondering if I would wake up in a pool of blood.  Luckily, Jim stayed home from work most of Tuesday to keep an eye on me.  I did not want to be alone.  Jim only left for a couple of hours leaving me with strict instructions to stay put in bed until he got back.  I did have more bleeding that day, so I was glad he was home during that time.  

But that was it.  Negligible bleedling since then.  That doesn't mean I didn't spend the week worrying.  I'm good at worrying.  

What a waste of the week!  It really ticked me off that, after such a productive start, I was screwed the rest of the week because of this stupid bleeding that turned out to be nothing.

Great, it was nothing.  But I am so sick and tired of having one thing after another come up to mess with my productivity, my progress, my work, living my freakin' life!   This year I have been battling lots of health issues:  shoulder and knee injuries coming back to haunt me, foot issues, one cold after another, sleep issues, a kidney function scare (that turned out fine, too, by the way)--enough already.

I'm tired of being me.  I'm tired of doctors, tests, sicknesses, having trouble with mobility because of this stupid knee pain, being told to exercise and then having the knee hurt even worse afterwards, having trouble losing weight because I can't freakin' move without pain,  having trouble losing weight because I am resorting to comfort food eating because I'm frustrated about not being able to move and lose weight.  Get the picture?  Not a happy camper, here.

All this has led to me being down lately.  Actually, feeling down a lot this year so far.  But this week it hit me especially hard.  

But I have a pretty awesome support unit.  I found comfort in talking with friends, rather than chowing down on junk food, ironically.  (Finally, junk food didn't come into the picture.  I haven't had any all week!)  And, walking.  It has provided some much-needed stress relief.  The other night Jim and I went for a walk through the sprinklers in the park.  Something gave just then.  Something clicked.  I was suddenly in a playful mood.  I love those friends and I love those sprinklers.    

What helps you get through the tough times when health issues just about drive you crazy or send you reeling in despair?  Who are your go-to people who are always there for you when you need them?  What activities do you do to get out of a funk?  Shoot me an email or leave a comment and let me know.  Thanks.  Take care.  

Using My Imagination to Cope

Did you ever make up an imaginary world to "live" in to help you cope with health issues or other problems as a child?

I did.  

From the time I was about nine years old, I lived in a fantasy world of my own making as much as I possibly could.  My bedroom was my sanctuary.  There, I entered a world where I was healthy, strong, popular, and happy.  In it, I was an actress, singer, writer, and artist.  I made movies, I sang on a television music program, I went on tour around the world, met celebrities. I walked with my imaginary friends throughout the family farm where I grew up, taking them on wild adventures and showing them my favorite hideouts. I took some of my fantasy world friends to school with me at times as well, and as soon as I got home, I'd scoot up to my sanctuary again until it was time to join the family for supper.  It never interfered with chores or homework.  I studied like crazy all through school.  Later, I married, had children, got divorced, remarried in my fantasy world.  Then I retired at the ripe old age of 24 when I, myself got married for real.  I still visited my fantasy world off and on for many years after "retirement," when a particularly challenging health issue came up.  But today I rarely venture there.  

I remember, several years ago, I was talking with a psychologist and the subject of my fantasy world came up.  The doctor said that I had chosen a very healthy way of dealing with the stress related to my health issues.  When I ventured into my fantasy world all those years ago, I had no idea I was actually providing myself with my own brand of therapy.  But it worked.  Along with my family, medical team, special friends, music, art, and writing, my fantasy world helped me cope through some of the most difficult times of my life.  I'm thankful that my nine-year-old mind came up with the idea and that I stuck with it for as long as I did.  

So, have you ever done anything like that?  If not, what did you do to help you cope during tough times during childhood or otherwise?  

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I will be on vacation for the next few weeks.  I promised my husband I wouldn't work during our time off.  I will see you back here the first week of June.  Be well.  Take care.  

Vlog: Life Coaching Specialties, Part 1 or 2

Hi again!  I'm trying something a little bit different this time, posting a vlog.  This is the first of two parts, featuring a review of the types of clients I serve.  I start off here with special needs/abilities coaching.  I'd love your feedback on the information itself as well as the visual quality. If you would like to hear more information about my coaching, please feel free to contact me via email at  amy@acnlifecoach.com.  Also, visit my website at www.acnlifecoach.com.  Take care.

Letting Go

Throughout our lives we experience different types of loss.  It's difficult, no matter how we handle it, but learning to cope with it more effectively can make it more bearable.  In all cases, make time for yourself, spend time alone to gather your thoughts, and grieve in your own way.  Everyone is different.

Friends:  This could come as a result of a move, differing opinions, or death.  If it's a move that is separating you, arrange to keep in touch via Skype, phone, and social media, as well as in-person visits, as much as possible.  Although it depends on how close you are and how long you've known each other, long distance friendships can suffer if you don't put enough effort into keeping them alive.  If separation is due to differing opinions, make a point to seek out new friends who share your views.  It's not necessary for all your friends to agree with you all the time, but they should share your basic values.  Death of a friend can be jarring to your system.  Take time to remember the good times and what your friend means to you.  Celebrate your friendship by doing something that the two of you used to do together.  Invite other friends to join you or do it by yourself, whatever feels more comfortable.  Whatever you loved to do as a team--flying kites on the beach, reading in the park, eating ice cream at your favorite hang out--do it.  Imagine your friend is with you; she really is.  She's there in your heart and in your memory.

Marriage:  Whether a split is friendly or nasty, it's hard to deal with.  You may have put everything you had into the marriage and now it's gone.  It can be pretty traumatic.  You may feel paralyzed, at a loss as to what to do next.  If you have children together, you may be preoccupied with making sure they feel loved and safe.  Take time to recover.  Spend time with the people you trust and find comfort in the most. Talk, sit in silence, play music, explore a favorite place in nature, even invite them to help you go through your things as you pack up your life for a move.  Or, you may find the most comfort in yourself; that's okay.  If you need to be alone to think, remember the past, visit old haunts, cry, prepare for your new life, make that clear to your loved ones.  You need to do what is right for you; whatever will help you heal.  .

Work:  A loss of a job can be devastating financially and emotionally.  Hopefully you'll receive notice, but regardless, be prepared.  Save as much as you can so you have something to get you through potential tough times.  In today's "stuff"ed" culture, it's easy to be tempted to buy everything you want now, but it's best to resist that temptation and save for that rainy day instead.  You'll be glad you did.  You may not be able to save a ton of money, but even putting away a little each week will help in lean times.  It all adds up.  Also, keep your eyes open for any opportunity to work, no matter what the task.  It may not be in your traditional line of work, but when you're trying to keep a roof over your head and food on the table, pretty much any job will do in a pinch while you're looking for something else more suitable.  Ask everyone you know to keep their eyes and ears open for new opportunities.  You can also volunteer at local organizations; it might even lead to a paying position.  It happens.  Be prepared to live more frugally.  Sell things you don't absolutely need.  Ditch cable, Netflix, and the like. Buy or rent a smaller home, trade in your vehicles for less expensive ones, and if your children attend private school, consider enrolling them in public school or giving homeschooling a try.

Retirement:  This may be a time of joy, but it also can be really tough.  You may have worked all your life at the same company and consider your work mates family.  Or, you might simply love what you do for a living and hate the thought of giving it up.  Something you could consider doing is volunteering at work a couple days a week.  That way it's not such a jar to the system as when you just up and leave for good.  Or, you could volunteer at a totally different place.  You could also take on part-time paid work.  Depending on where you live, your health, your disposable income and the like, there are countless things you could do in retirement to help ease the loss of work and potential feelings of being unneeded or bored.  Take up a sport such as golf or tennis, find a walking buddy, travel, join a support group of other retirees, go back to school to take courses for the fun of it, get to know your neighbors, host an exchange student, write your memoirs for your children and grandchildren, adopt a pet from your local animal shelter, or join a club or committee.  The possibilities are only limited by your imagination.

Family:  Whether it's a parent, grandparent, or child, losing a member of your family to death can hit hard.  The mourning process can take a long time, and should take as long as you need to heal.  Go through boxes of mementos, celebrate the good times, join a support group, cry, meditate, even laugh at some silly habit your loved one had.  It is through all these actions that we heal and learn to move on.  I personally don't mourn very long.  Maybe it's because I consider death a part of life.  Or maybe it's because of my medical history.  I have almost died myself a few times.  It could also be that I tend to believe I will meet up with passed loved ones again someday.  I'm not religious, and I don't know much about reincarnation, I admit, but there have been so many accounts of life after death, it is hard for me to discount it as myth.  Besides, it feels good to think that I will meet Dad and others again who have passed.  If it's true, great.  If not, well, I'll find out when the time comes.  It's not something I spend time ruminating over for countless hours.  I remember when my dad passed away, I cried for a short time as Jim hugged me.  The tears were both of sadness and of relief--he'd been in poor health for awhile.  But then I was okay.  He was at peace.  Although I think of him often--his caring, his quirky sense of humor, his funny catchphrases--I've gone on with my life.

Childhood:  Where in the world did it go?  How did I get this old so fast?  Okay no, I'm not old and I don't obsess about getting older.  To me, the fact that I'm getting older is a good thing, otherwise I'd be dead, right?  But still, I do find myself taken aback a bit when I realize just how long ago I graduated from high school.  I still feel as if I'm 18 (well, most of the time), for heaven's sake!  So, why is it that songs from the 1980s are considered "oldies," now?  Oldies?  You've got to be kidding!  The first time I heard an '80s song on an Oldies station I about fell over.  It just can't be!  But, yep, it is.  Childhood was a long time ago for many of us.  To think of it that way, it smarts a little, and it can be scary.  It seems as if you were just on the track team breaking all sorts of records and now your bones snap, crackle and pop every time you try to get out of your favorite easy chair.  Oh, the realities of life suck sometimes.  It's important to key on the present and what you can do, not what you can't.  Participate in activities that you enjoy.  Maybe you can't run track anymore, but try your hand at something else like walking, wheelchair dancing, yoga, table tennis, or golf.  Join clubs associated with your youth (related to a specific music of an era, for example), or dig out old childhood games and give them a go again for the fun of it.  You may have to face the fact that you're a grown up now and even act like it sometimes, but that doesn't mean you can't still be a kid at heart.  Embrace the life you live now, make it fun, and look for fulfilling activities to participate in.

If you find that your feelings of loss are taking over; they're interfering with you getting on with your normal life, seek out the help of a qualified health professional.  Don't deal with this alone long-term.  Honor the loved ones/your childhood that you have lost by getting the help you need so you can live a happy, healthy and fulfilling life.  

Oh, Show Up!

We've all experienced it; people sometime just don't show up.  These are some of the prime times you might experience no-shows:

• for a meeting
• for a party/dinner
• to help with a project
• to exercise
• to take you to an appointment
• to repair something for you (some of the worst offenders)
• to take you on a date
• for a day out

You also might not hear back from RSVPs.  Usually that means they're not coming, but sometimes they do show up.  And, finally, there are those people who don't return texts, emails, or phone calls. 

All aggrevating, for sure.

So, what to do about this?  Well, if it's the first time the person has blown you off, it's best to forget about it rather than risk tainting relations. Maybe they didn't get your invitation or message.  It could have gotten lost in the mail or in the wilds of cyberspace.  Maybe they had an emergency come up at the last minute and didn't have time to contact you.  Those things happen.

But if it's happened multiple times, consider talking to the person in private about it.  Is there a problem?  Did they get the message?  Was there a mix up on dates?  And if it's a contractor, call him on the carpet about it.  Let him know that no-shows are not tolerated.  Your time is valuable. If this plumber, carpenter, or painter were trustworthy and reliable,  he would have let you know he was going to be late or had to change the day of service.  If he can't make a point to show up on time, how can you trust him to do a good job?  Ditch him.

But, what about friends, relatives, and acquaintances?  It's nice to be understanding--to a point.  But, if someone keeps blowing you off, it's time to distance yourself from that person.  Next time you host a party, leave them off the guest list.  If your date calls you up for yet another chance, say no.  If your usual ride calls at some point, again, and promises to take you to your next appointment, again,  be ready with an alternate driver and decline.  Maybe it will be their wake up call to start acting more responsibly; maybe not.  You'll find out.  

You need genuine, reliable, honest, trustworthy people in your life.  Work hard to make it happen.  Don't settle for people you can't count on--in your personal life or business--just because you'd feel guilty for cutting ties. 

Have you got a "no-show" story to tell?  I'd love to hear it.  Leave a message below or email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com.  You can also contact me via my website: www.acnlifecoach.com.  Take care.

Keeping the Peace

 

I've been thinking a lot lately about hot topics such as politics and religion and how best to act when confronted with them in a social setting.  Political and religious views are a part of life.  They are very personal.  It's easy to get hot and bothered when discussing them.  And it's also easy to get very uncomfortable when people start talking politics and religion in mixed company.  The solution?  Here's a link to an article from the  Psychology Today blog, Resolution, Not Conflict by Susan Heitler, Ph.D.  Dr. Heitler gives some good tips on how to handle this type of situation.  She specifically keys on politics, but her suggestions can also be helpful when dealing with other controversial issues and difficult circumstances.

 

I agree with Dr. Heitler's views, although I do find myself wishing I could just blurt out, "Let's not talk about that,"  or, when I'm particularly upset with someone over what I would consider a rude comment, "Get over yourself and show some respect, please."  I think it's inappropriate to talk about hot topics in mixed company--different faiths, ethnicities, political ideologies, races, genders, and the like--, and especially if you're talking to someone you just met.  But Dr. Heitler has it right.  If a controversial topic does come up, it's best not to ruffle feathers or start a debate. 

 

How about you?  Do you agree with Dr. Heitler or would you handle it a different way?  Let me know in the comment section below, or email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com.  Thanks!