Don't Be Afraid to Travel: Prepare, Relax, Have Fun, and Be Well

Nyhavn, Copenhagen, Denmark, May 2017

Hello!  I'm so excited to be back!  Jim and I went on an amazing vacation to Denmark to visit Naja, who we hosted when she was an exchange student during the 2015-2016 school year in Utah.  

Of course, it was incredible.  The weather was great, we saw so many beautiful sights, met some awesome people, hopped over to Sweden, where my mom's family was from, for a short visit which was a thrill, and I didn't get sick or hurt.  I repeat, I did not get sick or hurt!  I didn't even fall.  That was freakin' amazing!  It was pretty perfect.  Ah well, my knee hurt the whole time, but other than that, yeah, it was pretty perfect.

Then why did I spend the better part of the previous six months before the trip worrying about it? Ah, this is my nature.  A little gift of the genes that my dad gave me.  I have always worried about what might happen on a trip, especially one to another country.  In particular, I worry that I might get sick on the food and water.  I've gotten sick on the water in different perfectly decent countries in the past, so I was again fearful of that happening.  To try to ease my anxiety, I sent an email to Naja's mother letting her know what foods bothered my sensitive system.  And I drank bottled water throughout most of the trip.    

I think I worried just as much about having to spend so much time on health maintenance, and not being able to keep up with everyone while out and about sight-seeing.  I guess that wasn't so much a cause for worry as it was one of frustration.  These feet and short legs can only go so fast.  And, there were always medicine schedules to keep and medical mumbo jumbo to take care of, so I was off doing that instead of relaxing and visiting.  Of course, I visited, but I felt like I was pulled away from conversations too often.  

Also, I found myself managing my day in my head.  While Jim was care-free and getting deep into conversation about certain landmarks and customs, I was thinking, "I wonder if there's a bathroom around here?" or "I wonder where we will eat and will I be able to eat the food?"  or "I'm getting really low on water and I need to take my meds soon.  Must look for water."  Oh, it's annoying! 

I also spent time worrying that I would be a nuisance, having to stop for bathroom breaks maybe a bit more often than others, having to take breaks to rest my feet maybe more than others, or having to take my medication way before mealtime and, whups, I forgot. But, really, everyone was patient, kind, and understanding.  I was able to do everything I needed to do, and found everything I needed without much fuss  I went my own speed most of the time while walking around, and Jim stayed with me so I wouldn't be the only one at the back of the pack.  Ha!  Naja's mother had gotten some of the food items I needed before we even arrived, as well.  I had nothing to worry about.  

I have heard the saying that if you are nervous about doing something, it's a sign that you should do it.  That very thing you fear most could bring significant growth, boosted confidence, and feelings of accomplishment, if tackled.  

So from now on, I will face trips with this attitude and mindset:  Prepare, be confident, have fun, and be well.    

How do you handle traveling with heath issues?  Do you freak out, thinking of everything that could go wrong?  Or do you consider it an exciting opportunity and just take snags in stride as they come along?  I'd love to hear from you.  

Using My Imagination to Cope

Did you ever make up an imaginary world to "live" in to help you cope with health issues or other problems as a child?

I did.  

From the time I was about nine years old, I lived in a fantasy world of my own making as much as I possibly could.  My bedroom was my sanctuary.  There, I entered a world where I was healthy, strong, popular, and happy.  In it, I was an actress, singer, writer, and artist.  I made movies, I sang on a television music program, I went on tour around the world, met celebrities. I walked with my imaginary friends throughout the family farm where I grew up, taking them on wild adventures and showing them my favorite hideouts. I took some of my fantasy world friends to school with me at times as well, and as soon as I got home, I'd scoot up to my sanctuary again until it was time to join the family for supper.  It never interfered with chores or homework.  I studied like crazy all through school.  Later, I married, had children, got divorced, remarried in my fantasy world.  Then I retired at the ripe old age of 24 when I, myself got married for real.  I still visited my fantasy world off and on for many years after "retirement," when a particularly challenging health issue came up.  But today I rarely venture there.  

I remember, several years ago, I was talking with a psychologist and the subject of my fantasy world came up.  The doctor said that I had chosen a very healthy way of dealing with the stress related to my health issues.  When I ventured into my fantasy world all those years ago, I had no idea I was actually providing myself with my own brand of therapy.  But it worked.  Along with my family, medical team, special friends, music, art, and writing, my fantasy world helped me cope through some of the most difficult times of my life.  I'm thankful that my nine-year-old mind came up with the idea and that I stuck with it for as long as I did.  

So, have you ever done anything like that?  If not, what did you do to help you cope during tough times during childhood or otherwise?  

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I will be on vacation for the next few weeks.  I promised my husband I wouldn't work during our time off.  I will see you back here the first week of June.  Be well.  Take care.  

25 Fun, Feel-Good Questions

It's Friday.  The end of the week.  It's a fun day.  Okay, so here's something different for today's post.  I've come up with a variety of questions that will hopefully evoke smiles and fond memories. You can respond and keep the answers to yourself, team up with some friends and take turns asking each other the questions, answer them in the comments below, or send your responses to me via email at amy@acnlifecoach.com.  I would love to read your answers if you'd care to share them.  Here we go!  Have fun!

1. What was your best friend's name in elementary school?  High school?  College?
2. What was the first record you bought?
3. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
4. Love roller coasters, or not?
5. If you could time travel, where would you go?
6. What was your favorite game as a child?
7. What was a favorite book as a child?
8. What was your favorite holiday growing up?
9. What's your favorite type of vacation? (Beach, staycation, mountains, etc.)
10. What's your favorite aroma from childhood that brings back great memories?
11. What usually puts you in a good mood?
12. What would the story of your life be called?
13. What is one of your favorite memories of your childhood?
14. What's the most inspiring movie you've ever seen?
15. What hobby would you get into if you had the time and money to do it?
16. What is your little-known talent?
17. What chance encounter changed your life for the better?
18. If you could make any event an Olympic sport, what one would you choose that you're good at?
19. Where would you like to live? 
20. If you could have any job what would it be?
21. What age do you wish you could permanently be?
22. What's your favorite travel destination?
23. Where was your favorite hide-out as a kid?
24. What was your first pet and what was its name?
25. What's one thing you've done that you never thought you would but it turned out to be successful and fun?

Have a great weekend!

Attitude Is Everything

Your attitude is how you view your life.  You get to choose your attitude.  It's not a done deal that is pre-programmed within you from the start.  It is learned, and it is everything.

How you perceive your life has a huge effect on how you live it, how you behave, how you react to different people, how you work, the chances you take, how you handle crises, the people you meet and relate to, the opportunities you take advantage of and those you let pass by.  Everything!  

For those of you who have chronic health issues, a positive attitude can make the difference on how fast you heal.  If you mope around and complain and refuse to do what the doctor tells you to, then you'll most likely be faced with a longer recovery period, and you might just shoot yourself in the foot and not recover at all.  But if you try to find the positive in any given situation, there's a good chance that you'll come through your health crises much faster and healthier. 

I've gone through periods in my life when I didn't have confidence in my abilities.  I would shy away from jobs I could very well have done, just because I was scared to try, or didn't want to drive in that particular area of town.  

I've also dragged my feet, putting off important decisions until it was too late because I didn't have confidence in my abilities.  I've given up too soon on jobs, educational opportunities, community involvement opportunities, and relationships.  I've also hung on to jobs, ideas, and relationships way too long because I had an unhealthy attitude about them.

But it doesn't have to be like this.  Commit to an attitude adjustment and you'll notice a huge difference in how your life plays out.  

Ways To Improve Your Attitude

1.  Discover your "why:"  Why do you want to change your attitude?  Have you been ridiculed, lost friends, or missed out on important opportunities because of it?  Or, do you feel it just doesn't serve a valuable purpose in your life anymore?

2.  Daydream:  Use daydreaming to practice conversations with others.  Role play them to see if you can come up with more positive ways to communicate: use upbeat tones, smile when talking, use positive, non-judgmental words, practice good listening skills, and so on.  You could even role play with a close friend and ask for feedback as an alternative to daydreaming.

3.  Wake Up Grateful:  Practice waking up grateful for all the good in your life.  There are days when this will be difficult, but stick to it and see what a difference it makes in your attitude.  Starting your day on a positive note can spill over to the rest of the day and make it awesome.

4.  Be Enthusiastic:  Find the good in any situation.  Tackle each problem with curiosity and enthusiasm.  Of course, not everything is going to warrant enthusiasm, but make a point to infuse your attitude with enthusiasm as much as possible.

5.  Take Time For Yourself:  Get away from the craziness of life often to just be.  Be quiet, be contemplative, be you.  Connect with your inner self and really listen to it.  What is truly important to you?  What do you need to let go?  What do you want to do with your life?  What makes your heart sing?  Answer those questions and then go out and do those things, find true happiness.

6.  Laugh!:  Humor is a great tool to change your attitude and get you through tough times.  Try to infuse your conversations with humor.  You don't have to joke all the time--that's annoying--but now and then break out the funny in you to lighten the mood and give your attitude a jolt of positive energy.  Learn to find something funny in your situation.  Learn to laugh at yourself and with others over silly things that happen at the clinic or hospital.  I remember one time when I was at the doctor's office for a pre-op physical; I was pretty nervous as I was headed for major surgery.  The doctor came into the exam room where I was waiting for him and said, with a totally straight face, "So, are you scared poopless?"  I had to do a double-take to make sure this was actually my usual conservative, quiet doctor.  Yep, it was him.  I had to smile.  He came through for me when I really needed him.  Through pre-op, the hospital stay and recovery, every time I thought of what he had said that day in his office, I had to smile or giggle.  And that was the perfect medicine to help me get through that difficult ordeal.  Kudos to him!

7.  Move!:  No, you don't have to move away, although that could be what you need.  That's your call.  But definitely, move your body.  It was meant to move, not be stuck in front of the TV or computer for hours on end.  Find activities you enjoy doing and get out and do them most days of the week.  Running, walking, tennis, cycling, team sports, swimming, lifting weights, wheelchair dancing, dancing, paralympics, and so on.  It's all good.  Choose a variety so you don't get bored.  Ask your friends and family to join you as well.  Having a workout partner helps keep it fun and helps keep you accountable.

It is important to find a balance in life, so you take the opportunities that are presented to you, have a healthy attitude about them, give them a good go, let the unhealthy situations and relationships go, and cherish the ones that turn out to be magical, or at least pretty darn cool.

I welcome your comments.  I'd love to hear how you have made attitude adjustments and how your life changed as a result.  

Vlog: Life Coaching Specialties, Part 2 of 2

Hi!  I'm back with the second part of my video on my coaching specialties.  I intended to have this up yesterday, but I ran into some technical difficulties.  The video kept uploading upside down.  Frustrating!  But, I'm happy to say I eventually figured out how to fix it, so you don't have to turn your phone or another device upside down to view it.  Yay!

This time around, I'm discussing friendship coaching.  Friendship coaching can include anything from help making new friends following a move, to help to deal with the death of a close friend.  If you would like more information about friendship coaching, please email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com, or visit my website at www.acnlifecoach.com.  I'd love to hear from you! Have a great weekend.

Vlog: Life Coaching Specialties, Part 1 or 2

Hi again!  I'm trying something a little bit different this time, posting a vlog.  This is the first of two parts, featuring a review of the types of clients I serve.  I start off here with special needs/abilities coaching.  I'd love your feedback on the information itself as well as the visual quality. If you would like to hear more information about my coaching, please feel free to contact me via email at  amy@acnlifecoach.com.  Also, visit my website at www.acnlifecoach.com.  Take care.

Coaching Niches: How I Came To Choose Special Needs/Abilities and Friendship (Part 2)

Welcome back for part 2 of my latest blog post on how I chose my niches.  This time I'll be talking about how I stumbled upon friendship coaching.

When I first got certified, I chose special needs and fitness coaching.  But I had fallen out of the fitness scene. I hadn't kept up with the latest research, and I didn't feel I could be effective in helping potential clients work through fitness issues and reach their goals if my heart wasn't in it anymore.  

Then I got to thinking about how important friendship is to well-being.  With today's crazy busy lifestyle, people often have little time for friendships.    I knew how tough it was to make friends.  I also knew how difficult it was to lose friends to abandonment, misunderstanding, and death.  And I knew how important close friendships were to me.  Could I help clients find new friends after a move, or guide them through the profound sadness associated with the death of or abandonment by a dear friend?  Could I be a friendship coach?  Was there even such a thing?  I Googled it, and, sure enough, one friendship coach's website popped up.  I had my second niche.  I read piles of books on the subject of friendship:  friendship loss, when friendship hurts, the benefits of friendship, on and on.  I wanted to do all I could to be prepared to help my clients.

Making friends has always been tough for me.  I craved friendship all through my childhood.  Due to my health issues, I never felt comfortable enough sharing my more personal side--something that helps foster deep friendships.  Then, I made a friend in high school who had a profound effect on me.  He showed an interest in me, he gave me confidence, he stuck up for me.  He was the catalyst who led me to change my attitude, become a bit more open and, as a result, make more friends and have more fun.  Still, to this day, only a few friends know a good bit of who I am, and even fewer know me at my core.  Most of my best friends live in other parts of the country or on the other side of the world from me.  With the Internet, staying in touch is easy, but that face-to-face, in-person connection is still missing.  I do miss it at times.  But I treasure those friendships and am happy with whatever way works best to stay in touch.  

Other friends I've had over the years--from school, church, the gym, social clubs, work, the neighborhood, and online--were kept at a comfortable distance.  We'd get together for dinner, play games, watch football, volunteer, shop, chat, and work, but the conversations would remain safe for the most part.  We'd rarely crack the surface.  When someone opens up to me, I'm all there, 110%.  If not, I'm just not there.  I'm not comfortable.  I can't connect.

Of course, not everyone I consider a friend has to go deep.  No.  We have different types of friendships:  casual, school-based, hobby-based, hometown-based, career-based, and so on.  I may be a sounding board for one friend, while another friend is a sounding board for me.  That's fair, and it's fulfilling.

When we made the move to Utah from New York, I had a tough time making friends.  It wasn't for lack of friendly people; there were loads of friendly folks around.  We just had a hard time settling into a new area where the culture was so different from where we had come from.  People were friendly, but it was hard to go deep.  When religion, politics, and other differences present themselves, it takes time and patience to break through those barriers and connect on a human level.  One of my doctors gave me some good advice.  He said something like this: 

People are very busy.  If you want to make friends, you're going to have to get out into the community.  Get involved in things that interest you, and you'll find others who have those interests too.  

Ah yes, common interests spark potential friendships. 

So, we got out of the house in a big way.  We visited a local church of the same denomination that we'd attended off and on back in New York, we volunteered, we joined clubs and, do you know what happened?  We made friends and lots of them.  We have more friends here in our adopted state of Utah than we ever did in New York.  It just takes open-mindedness, planning, action, and patience.

If you find yourself with a friend (or friends) who "gets" you; who you can relate to on a deep level, consider yourself lucky and hold on tight--but not too tightly.  If you're suffering the loss of a friend or struggling with trying to find new ones, I can help.   Email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com for more information.  I'd love it if you'd leave comments below about your experiences with friendship, as well as special needs.  Have a great day.

Working on an Identity Perspective Program

Hello all.  I'm working on a new program on identity perspective that I plan on starting to offer  in summer or possibly fall.  This is especially for those of you with special needs/abilities. How do you see yourself? How do you relate to yourself? What is the focus of your identity?

 The program is going to be based on what a dear friend first asked me many years ago: Are you a girl named Amy who just happened to be born with spina bifida, or are you a girl who was born with spina bifida whose name happens to be Amy? There's a big difference between the two.  He made me think, 

The program will help you dig deep into how you perceive yourself, uncovering layers of misconceptions, doubts, and fears that have been holding you back, to find your true self, and with that, your true talents, dreams, ambitions, and abilities. It will help you build confidence, set goals, explore ways to put your talents to work for you, capitalize on your strengths, and live a more satisfying and fulfilling life. 

More details to come down the road aways as it comes together. Stay tuned!   In the meantime, please email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com, or post comments below with your input regarding this program.  What would you like to see included?  How would you like the material presented--via a self-study course of videos, live 1-on-1 sessions utilizing Zoom, an email course?  I would love your thoughts on this.   Take care.

Making Choices: It's Been Awhile, but I'm Back

Whoa!  It's been awhile since I've posted here.  It's been a trying, confusing, exciting, and rewarding couple of years.  Here's what happened, in a nutshell.
---- Do you get the feeling that you've hit on something really special?  You've finally found your calling?  But then, life happens?  That calling comes and you're raring to go and then---boom!  One thing after another comes along and delays that jump full force into this project, this thing, this life that you have been waiting for.  I spent two years consumed with other things, not blogging or coaching.  There were times when I longed to blog, but as I got further and further away from it, it was harder to get back to it.  Now I wish I had documented the events of those two years.  It would have been fun and also educational to look back on them.  It was a time of growth and adventure that I won't forget.

In August of 2015, our high school exchange student, Naja, arrived from Denmark to stay with us for the 2015-16 school year.  At first, I made time for blogging.  One post in early August of that year, then another in early September.  Then...nothing.  I made a conscious choice to concentrate on our exchange year experience, not on business or blogging.  I wanted to dive in and fully experience those 10 months, not be absent.  Live it, breathe it, feel it deeply.  Every part of it.

I understand where people are coming from when they are torn.  I love writing.  I love life coaching.  My business had already been put on the back burner shortly after getting my life coach certification the previous year when my mother came to stay with us for a bit.  She had had a stroke at the beginning of 2014 and could no longer live alone.  She lived with my sister at the time, but that sister needed to have surgery.  She asked if we (my husband and me) could take care of Mom for a couple of months while she recovered, which we did.  Although it was heartbreaking to see the changes the stroke had caused in Mom, we had a lot of fun during her visit:  reminiscing, going out for ice cream, hiking, playing games, and painting.

But we went ahead with hosting Naja.  We needed to go for what felt right in our guts, and this felt right.  

I dove into the role of host parent.  I drove Naja to and from school daily, braved the throngs of teen drivers navigating the streets near the school, and thanked my lucky stars each time I arrived home in one piece.  I have never been particularly fond of driving, but it was a whole different ball game with a 16-year-old riding with me.  That bumped up the pressure of responsibility just a tad.  It was one thing to drive myself around, but to be responsible for a teen, besides; someone else's child?  Yow!  Her parents had consented to allow their daughter to travel across the world to live with us, trusting us to keep her safe and well for 10 months.  I nearly broke out in hives the first day of school. 

Life seemed to go 110 miles an hour once Naja joined us and settled in.  We took her to many of the parks and sites in Utah, where we live, and the surrounding area.  She made lots of amazing friends, so there were often other teens coming and going, or we were driving her to a friend's house or school event.  It was: go, go, go for 10 months.  We had a blast!  

Then, it was over.  Her parents came in May of 2016 and stayed with us for 10 days.  We had so much fun.  They are lovely people and the time went so fast.  We didn't want it to end.  But it was time.  When we waved goodbye to them at the airport, we didn't quite know what to do.  We stood in the terminal kind of shell shocked for a bit. The fact that the year was over brought on both feelings of sadness and, admittedly, relief.  Naja was fantastic.  She was intelligent, witty, sweet, never got into trouble--no problem.  But we don't have children of our own, so when Naja arrived we were instantly responsible for a teen.  We didn't have 16 years to get ready for this exciting and challenging time in her life, as parents who raise a child from birth do.  So we were in a whole different world and learning as we went along.  It was very challenging and stressful at times.  So when she left there was that relief of not having the huge responsibility for her.  That said, it also was one of the most rewarding, exciting, and fun experiences we've had.

Before Naja left, I had all sorts of plans of what to do when the exchange year was over.  I was going to start my coaching business, join a local book club as well as a social club, write for online publications, volunteer all over the community, blog, and so on.  But I hadn't realized how tired I was.  Instead of jumping into all these activities, I slept.  And slept, and slept.  And when I was awake I just kind of went about daily chores as if on auto pilot.  Life was so different!  The house felt empty and was so quiet.  

I lost feeling for all things.  A wall went up around me.  I had a feeling of total disorganization and ineptitude that left me seemingly frozen in place.  I couldn't seem to get myself out of this funk.  For someone who had always prided herself on being organized, I was a mess.  I didn't know which end was up, I didn't know what to do.  I couldn't seem to get enthused about anything that I had, not that long before, been excited about.  I didn't join any clubs, I didn't exercise much, I didn't volunteer, I didn't write, I didn't coach.  It was bizarre.

It didn't help matters that I had bouts with sickness (colds, flu), foot, knee and shoulder trouble (old injuries that came back to haunt me), and as a result, weight gain.  I also had more time to think about Mom once Naja left.  She was so different after the stroke.  She still had that beautiful smile and positive attitude, but part of the old Mom was gone.  She couldn't do a lot of the things she used to love to do:  garden, read, hike.  She was always very active.  Seriously, she could out-walk anyone half her age, even in her 80s.  And we used to talk for hours on the phone, whereas 5- to 10-minute calls were now the norm.  I sort of felt abandoned and lost without my mom.  

I've worked through these feelings and problems.  I've done a lot of thinking; looking inside. I've done a lot of reading on the topic of parent illness, dementia, getting organized, life change, and parent loss.  I've gained comfort from my husband and dear friends.  It still frustrates me at times, but I know that I'm stronger for these experiences.

And now, I'm back.  I'm looking forward to blogging again on a regular basis--I'm planning on blogging once a week to start.  

Have you had to put something on the back burner that you were excited about to do something else that was important as well?  Comment below, or send me an email at amy@acnlifecoach.com.  I'd love to hear from you. 

Live Life on Your Own Terms

A few weeks ago I had an unpleasent encounter with a lady at the grocery store; the one who remarked, "You forgot to grow."  Recently, on a trip to Bryce Canyon National Park, I was admiring some artwork in the hallway at the visitor's center when a man greeted me with a nod and smile as he walked by.  A minute later he returned and gently placed his hand on my shoulder.

"I had to come back and tell you . . .  you have had many struggles, right?" he asked and I nodded, a little wary but not much.  "But you don't let it stop you."  Then his voice cracked and he broke down.  "I think that's great."  Then he walked away.

On the one hand it was awesome that he noticed that it is very hard sometimes to explore the world, put a smile on my face and join in on outings and activities even though I'm tired,  or go out hiking when I've got these short legs and balance issues while my husband, Jim, and our exchange student, Naja, have long legs and an easier time of it.  The elevation at Bryce is a killer for me.  I get so out of breath up there, and not just from the breath-taking views!  I appreciate when people notice that I'm there, I'm trying, I'm doing.

On the other hand, it feels weird sometimes to be singled out as special.  "Oh, you're so brave." "You've got such guts."  You don't let anything stop you."  "You do so well despite your challenges."  I'd love it if they would just smile and say hi sometimes and leave it at that.  It would be nice to be treated like anyone else.

But the fact is, I do have issues.  I do need help on the hills and narrow paths when I explore.  If I didn't get help, I may possible trip on the slightest blip on the path and go tumbling down a mountainside, whereas others would be able to rebound and recover, or may not even notice that blip in their path at all. 

We each have our own path to take in life.  It is important to choose the one that suits us best as individuals rather than going along with the crowd.  Accept and decline help graciously when appropriate.  Follow your own path; don't let others choose it for you due to their own stereotypes or limited views, or even those who think, heck, you can do anything and convince you that you should try death-defying feats.  Listen to your gut.  Live your life on your own terms.  

You Forgot to Grow

I'm back after a bit of a break.  We welcomed Naja, a Danish high school student we are hosting this school year, on August 4, so we took some time off to get acquainted and show her around the area a bit.  We braved the Grand Canyon in the pouring rain, although the sun came out long enough for us to enjoy our picnic lunch outside under a canopy of pine trees.  Checked out a bit of Zion National Park, as well as the desert landscape of neighboring Nevada and Arizona.  Went to a birthday BBQ over the weekend, and, of course, ate a bit of  ice cream too.  :-)    We have so many ice cream places in our area!  The first year we were here (2007), we tried every single one of them to see which were our favorites.  Yum.  :-)  Naja also made us a delicious Danish meal last night.  

It's been a busy, fun week.  She is a lovely girl.  We have had a very nice time.  I think this will be a great adventure for us all.

Now, on to the subject of today's post...

Earlier in the week, Jim and I were at the grocery store, when a lady came up to me and joked, "You forgot to grow!  Bet you have never heard that before."

I was a bit confused at first, but then laughed it off.  I've been laughing this type of comment off for decades.

But it bugged me.  It hit me the wrong way.   Yes, I am short.  I get it.  But, come on folks, yes I've heard it before.  Many times.  You know I must have.  Sooo....

Cut it out!

It's not cute anymore.  It's not funny. 

I am who I am.  This woman is who she is.  Enough said.  Leave it alone and move on.

I'll probably keep laughing it off, being a good sport.  But my message to you is, be sensitive to others.  Chances are, if someone is short, they have already heard every short joke in the book.  Same for tall folks, heavy foks, people with big noses, bushy beards, unique gaits or birth marks, unusual accents or first or last names, and so on.  If they bring the subject up, okay, fine.  But leave it alone otherwise, especially if you don't know the person well.  

Is there something that people are always bringing up to you; that they won't let die? Something that you're tired of?  If so, how do you handle it?  

Benefits of Volunteering

Jim and I have done a lot of volunteer work over the years, usually at animal shelters (cleaning the cat rooms and socializing with the kitties mostly).  We've also helped out at area sporting events such as bike races and triathalons.  We enjoy volunteering during the holiday season, too, shopping for toys then wrapping them.  

We took a long break from volunteering when Jim's mother died in late 2013.  Our hearts just weren't in it anymore.  We needed a break.  We also came to the realization that we were spending more time at the animal shelters than we were with our own pets who came from shelters.  That's not right.  There needs to be a balance.  We had to regroup.   Our latest volunteer adventure will be hosting a high school exchange student for the school year.  We are beyond excited about this and can't wait to begin. 

You may think your life is too crazy-busy to possibly allow for volunteer time.  But volunteering provides significant benefits, and is definitely worth looking into.   Many organizations rely on volunteers to provide valuable services that would otherwise be done by paid employees.  Friends and neighbors can benefit  from an offer of a helping hand as well.  But they're not the only ones who reap rewards from volunteering. Volunteers benefit greatly from the experience, in mind, body, and spirit.  I'll mention just a fraction of the ways volunteering your time can put you at an advantage.  Here we go.

1.  New skills:  From bookkeeping and computer operation to carpentry and customer service, volunteering has the potential to provide you with opportunities to learn a variety of new skills.  This can not only potentially help you in your current job, but also in discovering a new hobby or a new career.

2.  More time:  Okay, you're probably thinking, "No way!"  But once you start volunteering, you may get the feeling that you're spending your time in a more valuable, productive way, instead of wasting it in front of the TV or on the Internet.  So, you start looking out for more ways to help within your community. Years ago, I interviewed a lady for an article on pillars of the commuity.  She said that if you want something done, ask a busy person who is active in their community.  They will take on more, while others opt for idleness and claim they have no time.  

3. Better health:  Volunteering can help you live longer, reduce heart disease and chronic pain, boost your mood, give your brain something new to process and figure out, reduce depression, and get you moving.  It's much harder to feel sorry for yourself, for example, when you're helping someone who is down on his luck or suffering from a debilitating disease.  Or even volunteering at a marathon or a community festival can make you feel good.  All that energy helps fuel your self-esteem and make you feel happier.

4.  New friendships:  The longer you volunteer at a specific place, the better chance you have of developing friendships there.  You may form strong bonds that last the rest of your life.  Close friendships are a key element to a happy and healthy life.

5.  New business contacts:  Volunteering is a great way to network.  You may get to meet important business contacts that help further your career.  For example, if you have a dream of starting a web design business you may volunteer to help out at a business fair booth and run into another web designer who offers to partner with you.  You never know.

6.  Better social and relationship skills:  Volunteering is a social activity.  You're almost always working with someone for a common cause.  It can help you become a better speaker, ease shyness, relate better to and work better with a variety of people, and feel more comfortable in crowds.

7.  Fun!:  Volunteering can be a lot of fun.  Pick a cause, sporting event, activity, or organization you feel passionate about and ask if you can help.  Knowing you are helping support something that is near and dear to your heart will make the experience more fun and rewarding.  

8.  Break from routine:  If you find yourself on a treadmill of sorts, going to work, coming home, rushing through dinner, and falling into bed exhausted, volunteering might be what you need to shake things up a bit.  Choose volunteer opportunities that are tied to activities you love to do.  For example, if you enjoy camping, you could sign on to help out at a summer camp, if you love animals, you could walk dogs at a local animal shelter on weekends.

Getting Started

• Figure out why you want to volunteer
• Decide what your skills are
• Decide how many hours per week or month you would like to volunteer
• Figure out what expenses you'd incur as a volunteer
• Decide what you would like to do
• Decide where you would like to volunteer
• Visit local organizations to find out what volunteer opportunities are available
• Check out volunteer sites on the Internet to see if you can volunteer online from home, if you would prefer that
• Visit with staff and volunteers at local businesses to see if you click with them
• Ask neighbors and friends if they, or anyone they know, need a helping hand
• Talk to your family about possibly all joining in on a volunteer project together

Where to Go to Find Volunteer Opportunities

There are many non-profits and other businesses who welcome volunteers.  Here are just a few:

• Community theaters
• Libraries
• Senior centers
• Youth organizations
• Sporting events
• Religious organizations
• Animal shelters
• After school programs
• Nursing homes 
• Hospitals
• National parks
• Schools
• Exchange student organizations (host a student)

Considerations

• Readiness to take on volunteer responsibilities
• Don't overdo it.  Sacrificing health, sleep, family time, "me" time, and the like to help others can lead to burn out and resentment.  A little means a lot.  Stick with what's manageable.
• Make sure you pick a volunteer position that you will enjoy
• Make sure you know what you are expected to do
• Ask questions about he position before you start and anytime new questions come up
• Do you prefer to take on a position where you'll be moving around a lot, standing, or sitting still?
• Accessibility to the venue or office building
• Move on if the opportunity is no longer fulfilling
• Commute distance

Do you volunteer?  What do you love about it?  What are some challenges you've faced?  I'd love to hear from you.  

Choosing A Personal Trainer

A personal trainer can help you toward your fitness goals.  She provides accountability, program design specific to your needs, motivation, and professional advice regarding exercise and basic fitness nutrition. But how do you choose the trainer who is right for you?  Here are some tips.

1.   Personality:  Would you rather work with a trainer who is quiet and reserved or outgoing and perky.  Make sure the personal trainer you choose fits your personality preference.  

2.  Location:  Pick a personal trainer who works at a gym or has a private studio close to your home or work.  Some trainers will come to your home for sessions, or work with you via the Internet as well.  If your company has a fitness center, personal trainers may be available on-site.  Your personal trainer needs to be conveniently located to help keep you motivated to show up on a regular basis.

3.  Gender:  Do you prefer working with a man or a woman?  Does it matter?  Take that into consideration when making your choice.

4.  Professionalism:  Choose a personal trainer who is profession.  Make sure she dresses neatly, shows courtesy toward you and others, let's you know at least 24 hours in advance if she has to cancel or reschedule, and shows up on time and prepared for each session.

5.  Certification:  Make sure your personal trainer is certified by an organization that is accredited by the National Commission for Certifying Agencies (NCCA).  Examples are National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM), American Council on Exercise (ACE), National Strength and Conditioning Association (NSCA), and American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM).

6.  Cost:  Look at your budget and see how much you can reasonably afford to pay a personal trainer, then research several in your area.  Personal trainers who work at box gyms or community centers are generally less expensive than those who have their own studios.   Be sure to take into consideration what is included in the fees of each trainer.

7.  Specialty:  Do you have a specific goal or issue to consider when picking a personal trainer?  If, for example, you have a specific health issue such as diabetes, you may want to work with someone with experience training clients with health issues.  Or if you're training for a marathon, you may want to work with a trainer with experience in that area.

It's a good idea to work with several trainers before choosing the one you would like to work with on a regular basis.  You have a right to do so.  Many gyms provide a free session with a trainer with membership.  Let each trainer you work with know you're considering other trainers before signing on with one in particular.   Personal trainers at gyms are available to assist members in general, not just paid personal training clients.  And, remember, you can always work out on your own, at home, too.  The Internet has some great fitness resources.  One of my favorites is the American Council on Exercise's website.  They have tons of information, including exercises, workouts, fitness facts, and recipes.  

I hope these tips help.  

Stay Present

In this crazy busy world, it's hard to stay present.  You're cooking dinner, talking on the phone and answering your kids' questions at the same time.  Or commuting, listening to the news on the radio, and texting at the same time.  Ah, multi-tasking.  You may pride yourself on your ability to do it, but it's robbing you of living your life in the present; of experiencing what's going on around you and noticing how you feel moment by moment. You may also have a tendency to worry about the past or anticipate the future without enjoying the moment you are actually in right now--the only one you really have any control over.  I'm familiar with that one, believe me.

Another name for staying present is "mindfulness."  It involves paying attention to what's going on in your life and inside yourself right this second.  The scent of the flowers outside your open window wafting in, the sounds of your children laughing upstairs, the sight of your cat curled up and napping peacefully on an easy chair next to your desk, the grumbling of your empty stomach, the feeling of being rushed to meet a deadline--anything.   You notice what's going on, enjoy your life, accepting it as it is, not reacting absently or negatively.   It's the opposite of living on "autopilot."  

Getting Started

There's nothing fancy about mindfulness.  You don't need any special equipment.  You can do it anytime, anywhere by taking some deep breaths periodically throughout the day. Slowly inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth, holding for a second between the two.  You can practice mindfulness by silently repeating a mantra as well.  Examples are:  "Breathe," and "I am in a good place."  You can also start by going for a walk and looking at and listening to what's going on around you.  Stay present.   Acknowledge negative emotions that come up but then let them go, and return to the present.  Mindful eating is another great technique to adopt.  Savor your food, chew slowly.  Notice the taste, smell, and texture of the food you're eating.  Are you eating because you are hungry, or because you are bored or worried?  Notice the sensations you're experiencing without judgement, and then let them go.  

Other mindfulness techniques include:

1.  Losing track of time:  Getting totally lost in what you're doing means you are super-focused on it.  You're living in the moment.  This is what happens to me when I write.  I'm so engrossed in what I'm doing that I am unaware of what else is going on around me.  I'm in "the zone."  If Jim come in, bringing me out of that zone, I feel light-headed and admittedly, sometimes a bit grouchy.  I like it in "the zone."  You might be saying, well, I thought losing track of time was a bad thing.  It's not advantageous when you're so crazy- busy that you don't know what is going on around you.  You go from one chore or meeting to the other; you're in hyper-drive.  Mindfulness is different.  When I'm losing myself in my writing, I'm totally into it.  I'm concentrating on the moment of writing, the pleasure of it.  You can't force this state, it just happens.  And, oh boy, does it ever feel awesome!  That's the opposite of crazy-busy.

2.  Move toward, not against, an antagonist:  When you try to fight negative feelings, they tend to keep mounting, am I right?  So, how about trying to face what's bothering you instead?  Accept it for what it is in the present moment, feel it, own it, and then gently put it aside. For example, you've recently lost a loved one and the feelings of grief are so intense that you think you will never feel happy again.  You just want this terrible feeling that has engulfed you to go away.  Again, accept it, feel it, own it, grieve, cry, do what you need to, to heal, then move on.

3.  Embrace the "newness":  Do you travel the same route to work or school every day?  Do you go for a walk at the same park all the time?  This can cause mindlessness.  It's the same old, same old; so much so that you don't even notice what going on around you.  Time passes and you're suddenly at your destination and you don't remember anything that happened on your journey.  It's time to inject newness into your routine.  Make a point to notice changes along the way.  Hey, did the neighbor paint his house?  Wow, look at the way the sun is shining on those mountains!  Doesn't that cloud formation look like a camel?  I love looking at clouds to see what figures and faces I can find in them, by the way.  

Benefits of Mindfulness

Mindfulness is accessible.  Anyone can do it.  There are also books and DVDs on the subject if you want to learn more about it. 

There are many potential benefits of mindfulness including improved ability to face adversity; less worrying, over-thinking, and regret; reduced chronic pain and stress; increased happiness, self-esteem, empathy, and feelings of security, improved immunity function and sleep; reduced risk of heart disease; and increased perspective regarding irrational thoughts.  It also encourages alertness and attentiveness and may be used as a weight maintenance tool.  Mindful meditation is also used in the treatment of:depression, as well as eating, obsessive-compulsive, and anxiety disorders.

How about that!  Something so relatively simple, yet it packs a powerful punch when it comes to improving our health and well-being.

Considerations

• Staying in the present takes practice.  It won't happen overnight.  Be patient.
• Mindfulness requires letting go of what you want and just "being."  Of course we want rewards, but we need to let go of those desires in order to reach mindfulness.
• Start out with 20 minutes of meditation and work up to about 45 minutes 6 days per week.

I admit my attempts at meditating and being mindful over the years have not been very successful.  My mind insists on wandering all over the place.  I haven't been able to stick with it for any length of time.  Maybe I'll try it again sometime; or maybe not.  I have the DVDs already.  I just have to decide to do it.  Or not.  That's the way with anything, isn't it?  We can do anything we want to do.  We spend hours absently surfing the Internet, puttering around doing busy work, and  watching TV.  But dedicate 20 minutes to mindfulness?  Nope, too much work; or too freaky.  Okay, I hear you.  But switching gears may be just what you need to shake things up and get on the road toward living a more fulfilling life.

Do you practice mindfulness?  Do you meditate?  For those of you who don't, I challenge you to give mindfulness and meditation a try, and I will too.    I will report back again soon on my progress, and I would love to hear about your mindfulness journey as well.  

Goal Setting: Get S.M.A.R.T

To make desired changes in your life, you need to set some goals.  Not just any goals, but S.M.A.R.T goals.  S.M.A.R.T goals can be used to tackle anything you want to change.  Here, I'll give examples of how to set weight loss as well as independence goals.

Specific:  Goals need to be clear.  Pare your goal down.  What exactly do you want?  

Weight Loss--"I want to get fit," is not specific.  There are many ways to get fit.  You'll want to choose something along the lines of, "I want to lose weight," instead.  

Independence--  Compare "I want to be independent," with the more targeted, "I want to find an apartment."  Wanting to be independent could mean many things, while switching to "I want to find an apartment," focuses your attention on the specific.  Key on the specific goal you want to achieve. 

Measurable:  Goals also need to be measurable.  How will you know you've reached your goal?  This involves picking a number.  

Weight Loss--How much weight do you want to lose?  Keep a weight loss journal to log your weight regularly.  Weigh yourself once a day or once a week, whatever you prefer, as long as it's done on a regular basis.  Keep track of your progress. 

Independence--How many apartments will you look at per week?  Two?  Five?  Ten?  Keep track of your progress in your apartment hunting journal.  You can also note in your journal the plusses and minuses of the cost, location, and amentiies for each apartment you look at.  

Attainable: Set a goal that you can reasonably shoot for.  Go for what you want, but make sure it's something you actually can do.

Weight Loss--Say you want to lose 100 pounds.  That's tough and will take a long time. Instead of concentrating on the whole amount, break it down into more manageable 20-pound increments. "I will lose 20 pounds," is attainable.   

Independence-- "Find an apartment that is wheel-chair accessible," is a doable goal, although it might take time.  Be patient.  Also, do some research to find out how much money you'll need for rent, utilities, and any other services you require.  Resources such as grants and special programs may be available to help with those expenses.  If so, check them out and see if you qualify.

Realistic:  Set a goal that you really can commit to.  Choose a goal that is meaningful to you. 

Weight Loss--Losing weight to reduce your A1C level is an excellent and realistic goal, while losing weight because your spouse thinks you should, is not.   You need to want it, crave it, eat it, sleep it, breathe it, own it.  It can't be someone else's goal for you; it has to be your goal for yourself.  

Independence--Similarly, searching for your own apartment because you are ready to strike out on your own and you crave independence is realistic, while doing so because you don't want to be laughed at for living with your parents as an adult, is not.  You need to be ready to make the move.  Don't rush it.  

Time:  Set a time by which you will achieve your goal.  This helps you stay accountable and moving forward toward your goal.  

Weight Loss--If you want to lose 20 pounds, a reasonable deadline would be 4 months since a healthy weight loss rate of 1 to 2 pounds per week is recommended.  It may not seem like much but, added up, it makes a huge difference over time.  Think 52 weeks a year--yep, in a year you could lose 52 to 104 pounds, if needed, at that rate!  That is amazing!  And, you're more apt to keep it off too.  So, I urge you to be patient.  You will reap tremendous rewards opting for slow weight loss.

Independence--When do you want to be settled into your new apartment?  Before Christmas?  By summer?  Six months from now?  A year from now?  Setting a date by which you will be living on your own keeps the goal alive, helps you stay on task, and brings a sense of urgency you wouldn't have otherwise.  

Okay now, how S.M.A.R.T. are your goals?  Have you used this strategy to set goals for yourself?  How did it go?  Let me know.  Comment below or send me an email at amy@acnlifecoach.com.  I'd love to hear from you.  Take care.

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Getting Unstuck

Something's different.  Something doesn't feel quite right.  You may have noticed it creeping in bit by bit, or it may have hit you all of a sudden.  It could center on one segment of your life, like a "tired" marriage.  Or it could include a few--your boring job, distant friends, and spiritual crisis.  You may even yearn for a total life transformation; a clean slate.  You feel this incredible need to change, but you don't quite know how to go about it.  You're not even sure what you want.  You're stuck.  So, how can you get unstuck?  Let's take a look at some questions you can ask in order to pull yourself out of the muck and live a more satisfying life.

Why do you feel the way you do?

Find a quiet place to study your feelings.  Where did they come from?  When did you first notice them?  Were they sparked by a person's comment, a song, something you read? Getting to the source of your feelings can help you start to figure out what you need to do to ease your mind.  For example, you find yourself increasingly agitated and unable to concentrate and look back to when it started.  You may link it to an article you read on the Internet about a study reporting that a medication you are on has been found to cause cancer.  That's enough to make you agitated for sure.

What is your goal?

Choose deeply personal goals and think about why they mean so much to you.  Say you want to lose weight.  Decide why you want to.  Is it because you want to control your diabetes, or do you want to be able to have the energy to play with your grandchildren?  Those are solid reasons to lose weight.  On the other hand, setting such a goal because your spouse thinks you should isn't going to provide as much incentive to stick to the healthy eating and exercise plan needed to reach your goal.  Healthy weight loss doesn't happen overnight.  It takes time, commitment, and patience.  So, if your goal is to lose weight, dig down deep to find that solid reason why you want it to happen.

How will you feel when you achieve your goal?

Imagine how it will feel to reach your goal.  Again, let's use the weight loss example.  Imagine how you will feel when you hit your weight loss goal.  Whether you want to lose 10 or 100 pounds, imagine how you'll look and feel once the weight comes off.  Imagine how you will feel when your clothes fit loosely and you no longer get out of breath walking up and down stairs.  How will your life be different?  Looking ahead to when you've accomplished your goals can help you stay motivated to actually make it happen.

Who can help you accomplish your goal?

Sometimes you can get stuck in life because you don't feel you have anyone to help you out of your rut.  If, for example, you want to change careers but need additional education to do so.  You may be paralyzed by the fear of striking out into new territory, or you may not think it's financially possible to pay for the necessary degree.  If making this change is important to you, you need to take action.  Find out from colleges and universities in your area and online if you qualify for financial aid.  Also, talk to your family to see if anyone would be willing to help you out with the costs you'll incur, or even provide babysitting for your kids while you attend classes so you don't have to pay for expensive daycare.  If you do borrow money from friends or family, however, make sure you discuss when the money will be repaid to avoid any misunderstandings.  You can also look into getting a low interest loan.  There is a solution for whatever is making you feel stuck.  Reach out to those around you and let them help you find that solution.

What steps can you take to achieve your goal?

It can be pretty daunting to look at the big picture.  Instead, break things down into smaller steps so they seem more managable.  For example, if you would love to start your own business but feel overwhelmed by all that entails, break things down.  Make a schedule of what needs to be done on each day.  You'll want to start by checking into how much money you'll need, permit requirements, office space, and business loans.  You'll also have to get office equipment and a website, possibly hire staff, and advertise your business.  Take your time, learn the ropes from a mentor, get advice from other professionals you respect, be smart about managing your finances, and you'll reach your goal as a successful business owner.

What or who is standing in the way of accomplishing your goals?  How will you knock down those road blocks?

If you have difficulty standing for long periods of time or have a lot of doctor's appointments, you may think you'll have a hard time finding a suitable job, so why bother. What should you do?  Discuss the issue with your caseworker if you have one. When you go to interviews be straight forward and let the interviewer know that you need to be able to sit down for work, or at least take frequent breaks.  Also, be honest about the times you may have to miss work.  There's a possibility your supervisor can work with a temp service to cover for you in the event that you need to miss work for surgery or lengthy illness.  It won't hurt to inquire.  Another option is working from home.  There are plenty of opportunities for stay-at-home workers.  You may even be able to work remotely (from home) for local companies.  Check with your area job service or online job sites such as Monster.com, SimplyHired.com and CareerBuilder.com.  Make sure you research the validity and reputation of the various websites and employers before taking any jobs online. 

What tools do you currently have in order to accomplish your goals?

It is important, when you're stuck, to take note of the resources you have available to help you break out of your rut and meet your goals.  For example, if you are experiencing a spiritual crisis, you may want to talk with someone from your local house of worship, either a fellow member or the pastor or rabbi.  Or family and friends.  You may also search Amazon.com for a plethora of books and videos on the subject.  Also, consider listening to your heart.  Find a quiet place to sit and think about what you truly believe.  Are you religious?  Do you consider yourself more spiritual than religious?  Do you feel the need to worship with other members of your faith at a church or synagogue, or would you rather speak to your Higher Power amongst trees and rivers and wildlife?  Are you disillusioned by your current faith?  Are you curious about another faith?  Explore those avenues and see which one feels the most authentic to you.  

What tools do you need in order to reach your goals?

Let's go back to the example of starting a business.  You've got your financing, your office, your staff, your business cards, your website, your office equipment, your insurance.  What else do you need?  Do you have a reliable car to use for the commute to and from work?  If you have children, have you arranged for reliable daycare?  Have you bought suitable work attire?  Have you looked into networking events to get your name out there?  And don't forget to work on your confidence.  Be confident that you will succeed.  Take charge of this opportunity you've dreamed of for so long and know that you can make it in business, doing what you love to do.

What's your deadline?

What is your deadline for meeting your goals?  This is a very important question.  You need a deadline to remain accountable and stay on track toward your goals.  Say it's January and you want to start college in August.  You're married with a family and will need a reliable vehicle to make the commute to school.  The cost of tuition and books will drain your savings account.  It's time to start putting away some cash toward that new car.  It doesn't have to be brand new, but it has to be a good one.  The same goes for anything you truly want to accomplish--you need to set a time by which you will hit your mark, lose that weight, pay off debt, learn to drive, make partner at the firm, get your first apartment, make a profit from your business.

Considerations

• Do what makes your heart sing, both in your personal and professional life. 
• Surround yourself with positive people who support your goals and celebrate little victories on the road to making those ultimate goals reality.
• Your journey toward your goals could be a smooth one or a rocky one, or a mixture of both.  Be patient and persistant.  Don't let the rough times get you down.
• Your goals may change along the way.  That's okay.  Go with your gut and do what feels right to you at the time.
• Are you stuck or just in transition?  Ask this question before making any major life changes.

When it comes right down to it, getting unstuck is up to you.  Yes, you can seek help but the bulk of the work is yours.  You must commit to making your life as fulfilling, rewarding, and exciting as it can be.  Nobody else can do that for you.

Are you stuck?  I'd like to hear from you.  Email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com or post a comment below.