Vlog: A Possible Silver Lining

Hi there!  How are you doing?  I hope you are well.

This post is on the possible silver lining of Covid-19.  Now, I realize it is a serious matter.  My heart goes out to the victims and their families.  It's hard to think of there being a silver lining to something so devastating.  But, hear me out.

It seemed as if everyone was on their phones before Covid-19.  They were looking down at the phones behind the wheel, walking in the road, at parties, at the dinner table, paying more attention to their phones than the people around them.  But now there's social isolation, social distancing, and people are finding ways to get together in person or at least virtually.  People have even gathered together in large groups with the shelter in place and social distancing guidelines in place.  It makes me think that we do crave true togetherness in difficult times that the Internet can't replicate.  That's what makes social distancing so difficult, but so necessary at this time.  By keeping our distance, we help stop the spread,  keep each other healthy, and save lives.

When this crisis over let's hope that we remember the importance of in-person communication and connection.  Let's look forward to the time we will be able to truly enjoy those hugs, face to face conversations, and that closeness we may have previously taken for granted or even been averse to.  Or, at least let us make a point to stay connected virtually more often with friends and family we hardly ever did before this crisis.  

And, I hope we remember that technology has its place in society, as in difficult times like these, to keep us connected, but that it should not replace in-person contact.  There is room for both, and neither should be taken for granted or dismissed.  It's all a matter of balance.

Your thoughts?

Vlog: Tired of Competing? Tired of Fighting?

Do you have chronic health issues?  Are you tired of competing?  Tired of fighting?

• For jobs
• For attention from your spouse, kids, relatives, friends, coworkers
• For love, dates
• Job promotions
• Spots on a team or committee
• For grades
• For college acceptance
• For rights
• For adaptations

Are you competing with other people in your spouse's life?

• Are you jealous of the attention given to friends?
• Do you feel like you're not enough?
• That they like others more than you?
• That they regret committing to you now that they have found others they prefer to hang out with?  That they click with others better?

Also, are you trying to please?

Stop!

You're in the wrong relationship, friendship, or job if you're trying to please, perhaps.  Only you can decide that.

You're putting yourself last.

It's hard work to compete.  To fight.

You feel insecure.

Get out.

You need to be you!

Live your life the way you see fit.

Do the things you love to do.

Go where you want to go.

Say what needs to be said.

Walking or wheeling on eggshells isn't worth it.

You've got a lot to give.

Give it to the people, activities, jobs...that mean the most to you.

If your friend, partner, spouse, doesn't appreciate you, or has become tired of you, distant, or seems to be replacing you, let them.  If you have tried everything and still the relationships or friendships seems to be dying, let it die naturally.  No fits, or arguments, or scenes.  Just let it play out naturally.

If your employer is constantly setting up roadblocks and treating you unfairly.  Fight them or leave them, but do what is best for you.

You can only do so much.  You have to concentrate on you, your health, what brings you joy.  That is your choice.  And it's their choice whether to take that ride with you or not.

Vlog: Personality Tests

Hi!  I love taking personality tests to see what the results are.  They are usually pretty spot on, or just a bit off.  

Here are three that I've taken:

Myers-Briggs:  https://www.mbtionline.com.  You can take this assessment.  It takes about 15 minutes and has 93 questions.  It costs $49.95 to get started.  You can download your personality type summary report.  The assessment helps you identify your preferred way of doing things in four areas:

• directing and receiving energy
• taking in information
• making decisions
• approaching the outside world

It helps you have a better idea of what makes you tick and how that affects all areas of your life.  How you communicate, your career, relationships, decision-making--personality has a part in it.  Knowing your personality can help you navigate your world more effectively and make better choices.  You may also be able to tweak the areas that aren't to your liking.

There are 16 personality types.  My Myers-Briggs personality is INFJ, which is the rarest type.  It stands for:

• Introverted:  Reserved and quiet.  Limited social interactions.
• Intuition:  Focusing on the big picture.
• Feeling:  Going with your gut.
• Judging:  Prefer planning and early decision-making to last minute decisions.

Enneagram:  https://www.enneagraminstitute.com  (test code required costs $12)  and http://www.9types.com/rheti/index.php (free)

There are nine distinct personality types.  Each number on the enneagram stands for a type.  You might see a bit of yourself in each type but there usually is a dominant one in each of us.  There are also Wings which branch off from the main personality.  

The Nine personality types are:

• The Reformer
• The Helper
• The Achiever
• The Individualist
• The Investor
• The Loyalist
• The Challenger
• The Peacemaker

I am The Enthusiast.  I'll take it!  I thought for sure I would get The Helper since I've always wanted to help people, but it was not the way this one turned out.

Gretchen Rubin's The Four Tendencies Quiz:  https://www.surveygizmo.com/s3/3706759/Gretchen-Rubin-s-Quiz-The-Four-Tendencies

This quiz helps you determine if you are an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel.

Upholders:  Meet inner and outer expectations

Questioners:  Meet inner expectations, Resist outer expections

Obligers:  Meet outer expectations, resist inner expections

Rebels:  Resist inner and outer expections

Knowing which personality you are can help you understand your own behaviors and preferences and those of the people around you.  

I am an Obliger with a smidgeon of Questioner.  And if I oblige, oblige, oblige and get stonewalls or put off one too many times, I become an Obliger-Rebel.  My husband is a Questioner with a smidgeon of Oobliger in him and he considers himself a bit of a Rebel, too.  So, we have all the same tendencies, but a different one is the dominant one for each of us.

Are you game to take any of these personality tests?  Have you done so in the past?  If you have, were you surprised at the results, or were they pretty spot-on?  How has your personality helped or hindered you in regards to managing your chronic health issues, and making friends?  

Feel free to share your results in the comments below, or email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com.  

Vlog: The Power of Communication

This video is about the power of communication--in any relationship.  It helps clear up misunderstandings, avoid jealousy, and ease any manner of tension. 

Do your best to speak calmly with others, listen intently as they speak, don't attack or blame, don't freak out.  Settle arguments maturely and fairly.  

Do you fight fair or do you blame?  Do you listen, really listen, when someone communicates with you?  

Vlog: Reach Out

Hello!  I hope those of you who celebrated Christmas had a nice day full of fun and food and the making of great memories.  I had intended to post this vlog yesterday, but our router had other things in mind.  It bit the dust.  We've got a new one, but it took some doing to get it set up, so I didn't get to post this yesterday.  

But, here it is today!  The topic is reaching out.  Reach out to those who can help you, whether you have problems, desires, dreams, or ambitions.  Reach out to those who will listen, support you, serve as your mentor, provide answers, provide health care.  Reach out to those people you would like to have in your life.

I have reached out to fellow coaches to network, share ideas, help promote each other, and so on.  It is such a great community to be a part of--fellow coaches all trying to help people live more fulfilling lives.  I've also reached out to friends for help figuring stuff out and boosting my mood when life gets a little challenging.  Reaching out can help widen your scope of reference, open your mind, bring new insights, and inspire you to challenge yourself.  It can be exciting and heart-warming, and yes, even frustrating at times.  But it is so worth the possibility of rejection.  Even in rejection, there is growth and learning.  

Do you reach out to people when you need help or to settle something in some way, or do you try to handle things on your own?  

Fear: Contributing to a Life-long Habit of Poor Decision-Making

Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.  It is often referred to as anxiety.  Fear causes a gut-wrenching response (frozen in fear, for example), while anxiety may make you feel mildly queasy.  A bit of anxiety can be a good thing.  It can help you prepare for an important exam or meeting, and even that reasonable fear can prevent you from crossing a street into oncoming traffic.  But a phobia is a different story altogether.  It is an intense, persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, situation, activity, or person.  People with phobias will do anything to avoid what triggers this intense fear.  While anxiety and reasonable fears don't necessarily hinder a person from leading a normal life, phobias certainly do.

Fear and Decision Making

I can relate to fears and even phobias.   I grew up fearing so many things.  Some were normal fears, while others did get in the way of my living a normal life.  From the time I was a small child, fear has contributed to poor decision making on my part.

• Fear of strangers:  At my oldest brother's wedding, I was afraid of my new sister-in-law's father as he was a stranger to me.  But I think the more significant reason was that he wore a white suit coat which I must have associated with those worn by doctors.  Instead of snuggling up to him, I screamed until he finally handed me back over to my mother.  Ouch!  I was six months old.

• Fear of the dark:  It took me ages to leave my parents' bedroom for my own.  When I finally made the switch, I was afraid of the shadows, thinking they were monsters.  I still don't like being out and about in the dark, whether walking in the neighborhood, sitting around a campfire, navigating the rooms of our house, or driving.  I rarely drive at night.  I can't navigate streets as well as I can during the day, and I easily get lost.  This limits me in that I opt out of events that I would enjoy going to that Jim has no interest in, such as concerts, lectures, or parties.

• Fear of being alone or abandoned:  This has always been a big one for me.  I was in isolation in the hospital when I was about three years old due to an infection.  Between the strict visiting hours and my parents' having seven other children to take care of at home, I didn't see them much.  I developed an intense fear of being left alone or abandoned.  If my mother dropped me off at the mall, I would worry that she would forget to pick me up.  If my husband dropped me off at college, I would think the same thing.  That feeling still crops up to this day when I'm dropped off somewhere and the driver drives off.  I am certain that time in isolation is the reason for this fear.  I have never lived on my own.  I went from my childhood home to an apartment with a roommate to an apartment with my husband.  I think it would have been wise for me to wait a bit before getting married.  I was too young.  I'm in my fifties now and feel like I'm still in my thirties, so imagine how young I felt when I got married at 24.  I was an infant emotionally.  I had no clue how to do the marriage thing.  None.  I wish I would have lived on my own for a year or two before taking the plunge.  It would have made those early married years much less boggling.  But both my husband and I thought we were getting long in the tooth (he was a whopping 26, oh my) and if we were going to get married, we'd better get on with it.  Oh, please!  Age doesn't mean a thing.  We should have concentrated on, "Are we ready?"  or that little voice giving us warning signs that it's just not the right time.

• Fear of thunderstorms:  Another big one.  I totally tense up at the slightest sound of thunder in the distance.  When I was a young child, I would lie on the couch and cover my head with pillows until the storm passed.  As I got older, I would simply lie in bed if I was home until it was over.  If I was out and about, forget it.  I was a mess.  I wrote about one particularly frightening episode that happened in Florida decades ago.  I inherited this fear from my father who was deathly afraid of thunderstorms.  He was a hard worker, but if a thunderstorm hit, all work stopped and he and my siblings would head for the safety of the house.  He cautioned against using the telephone, stove, and any number of other things during a storm.  He developed his fear when he was a boy working on his family's farm.  He was tending to a cow when the barn was hit by lightning.  The charge traveled to the cow, which died and fell on my dad.  He never forgot that.  To this day, I will not drive in a thunderstorm.  If it's supposed to storm on a day I have an appointment, I cancel it.  My husband, meanwhile, loves thunderstorms.  While I run for cover, he runs outside to watch it roll in.  Oh, my.  

• Fear of dogs:  I have always had a fear of dogs.  I'm short and my balance is not that great, so jumping dogs are especially worrisome.  I've been tripped and knocked down by a few pooches in my day.  I have nothing against dogs in general, but I automatically tense up when I see a dog.  I especially get nervous when I see a dog running loose with or without a human companion.  That happens a lot in the park behind our house, and occasionally in the neighborhood, so I never walk alone.  That is a bummer because I would love to explore the area on my own. 

• Fear of the unknown/uncertainty:  Here's yet another big one for me.  I have always feared the unknown, including the world of work, social clubs, being in a large group of people I don't know, working for others, traveling with or without Jim, and most recently, health insurance.  I like to know what's ahead.  I like to have a routine.  With the above examples, I don't know how it's going to go.  So I freeze up and avoid it if I can, or if I can't, I worry about what could go wrong.  It's mostly tied to health issues.  Will I get sick?  Will I get hurt?  Will my supervisor understand if I have to take time off for illness or surgery?  (Even if she is understanding, I will still feel guilty about it.)  Will my ostomy pouch leak in transit on a trip or during a gathering?  Do I have enough health maintenance supplies with me?  What if... What if... What if...  It drives both Jim and myself a little nutty, to be honest.  That's why I work at home and have for the past 20+ years, and I love that I can do that.  The traveling, well I grin and bear it when traveling with Jim, but inside I'm calculating when I need to do the next maintenance or take the next medication, and how to fit these things into the day's activity schedule. I've declined opportunities to travel with others, depending on the circumstances. I wish I could just go, have fun, and forget about the medical stuff just for a bit.  But my medical mind never shuts off.  It is always talking to me, keeping me in check. As for health insurance, don't get me started.    

• Fear of change:  The comfort zone feels safer, so I generally like to stay put.  I've made that not-so-good decision many times during my life.  Change means beginning again.  It means learning routes to work, school, the grocery store, the hospital in a new city.  It means telling my new doctors my medical life story--again.  It means hearing from those doctors that I'm "a unique case"--again. It means new people, new places, new jobs, new everything.  Or, it means simply changing an attitude a little bit.  Ha.  Simply?  Not.  It's difficult.  It takes time.  Meanwhile, I'm fearful that I won't be able to adjust.  I've put off moves, jobs, switching to a new doctor because I dreaded the change.  But it's worth the effort.  Change is good.  It provides growth and learning and cleans the cobwebs out of our brains and bodies and lives.

• Fear of water:  I've always been leery of the water.  I never learned to swim, almost drowned in the high school swimming pool, and get the heebie-jeebies when crossing a bridge over water.  I'm afraid of going more than ankle-deep into the water.  The smart decision to make in this case would be to sign up for swim lessons, but I never have.  Yet.  I absolutely refuse to learn to swim with a group.  That's how I almost drowned in the first place.  One on one lessons appeal to me.  Another fear has gotten in the way of those lessons, though:  the facility is across town and it's a tricky driving route.  Sigh. 

• Fear of intimacy:  I was self-conscious about dating.  I tended to stay inside this wall I built up around myself, to keep me from getting too close to others.  To keep me safe.  But it also made me feel isolated and alone as well.  To this day, I have a hard time opening up to people until I know them quite well.  Sharing super-personal stuff related to health issues comes only when I have known a person a long time, and then only if I sense that they will understand.  I have to experience a certain vibe when I'm with the person.  If it isn't there, I won't share.  So, I didn't date much and I have very few deep friendships.  

• Fear of driving:  Around the age of 13 I started stressing about learning to drive.  The closer I got to 16, the worse my anxiety became.  Most of my classmates were a year younger than me due to the fact that I repeated second grade because of frequent health-related absence that year.  While some of my classmates were envious that I was old enough to get my driver's license, I was petrified at the notion.  I absolutely did not want to get my driver's license--ever.  But, finally, when I turned 19, my mother dragged me down to the DMV.  She had waited until she was in her 50s to get hers and she wasn't about to let me do the same thing.  It took me four attempts, but I finally got it.  But, license or not, I hardly ever drove.  I was afraid to drive even on the quietest of roads.  I was afraid to drive without someone with me. I was afraid I was going to get into an accident, break down, or get lost.  I dreaded coming across a detour and not knowing how to navigate it.  And forget about driving on snow and ice. It petrifies me.  It is one of the reasons, actually, why we moved to the desert.  We hardly ever get snow.  I also never drive long distances by myself, so no solo road trips for me, although it is enticing.  I've passed up job opportunities because of this fear.  I've passed up going to social gatherings as well.  It has been a significant and limiting fear for a very long time.  When we moved to Utah 10 years ago, I decided that I would attempt to conquer my fear of driving.  I went driving with Jim early on Sunday mornings when NOBODY was on the streets to practice finding my way around.  It took some time, but now I can drive fairly stress-free in most areas of the city.  That was a huge accomplishment for me.

• Fear of rejection:  This fear has caused me to shy away from opportunities for work, friendships, and dating.  I was afraid to try.  I was afraid that I wouldn't get the job because of my disability; that people would think I would be a liability, or that I wasn't qualified.  I was afraid that people wouldn't want to be my friend because I was too different, too weird, too broken.  Or, guys wouldn't  want to go out with me because of my health issues, because I walked funny, or because I wasn't pretty enough, or smart enough, or tall enough.  My confidence was in the gutter on this one for a very long time.  

• Fear of public speaking:  This one goes back quite a ways.  I have always disliked public speaking.  It means getting up in front of people.  It means all eyes are on me and, oh boy, what if I goof.   It involves being vulnerable.  All things that really creep me out.  So, I've stayed away from public speaking in business, which means I'm limiting my exposure to those audiences; those potential clients.  Ironically, the best speech I ever gave was on spina bifida.  I was in college at the time.  Maybe that should spur me to actively entertain speaking more on special needs and abilities as well as friendship.  But the thought of doing it still creeps me out, even though it is enticing.  We'll see.

• Fear of death:  This fear has to do with driving, rather than medical stuff.  Medical stuff, I'm good.  I am not afraid to die from my health issues.  I just don't want someone to smack me when I'm out and about driving and end up killing me in the process.  And what's even more frightening is, I don't want to be the one charged in a case of vehicular manslaughter.  I would absolutely never, ever, ever, ever drive again if I ever killed someone while I was driving.  Especially a child.  Never.  I would fall into a bazillion pieces.  Whenever a child runs out from behind a parked car on my street, chasing a ball or something, I about die. And when I drove our most recent exchange student to school every day, well, you can imagine how I felt as we approached the school and teen drivers were everywhere, kids walking in the street, on the sidewalks, everywhere.  My stress level was through the roof.  But I did it.  I did much better this time around than when we hosted years ago.  That fear just about did me in. I wouldn't drive.  Would NOT drive.  I was obsessive about it, and it caused masses of tension that contributed to that student leaving to live with another family.  Luckily, in 11 years between the two exchanges, I've calmed down just a tad.

• Fear of getting physically hurt:  All my life I've been afraid to get hurt physically.  I didn't want another reason to have to go to the hospital.  So, I avoided walks with my family through the rough pastures on the farm, organized sports, backyard ball games with my family, gym class at school, and many other things that would have helped me keep in better shape as a child.  Also, there are countless hiking trails near us, and it bugs me that I can't tackle strenuous ones for fear of landing in the hospital or ending up dead.  

• Fear of failure:  This is another big one.  I was afraid to try activities, hobbies, classes, jobs, and business opportunities because I thought that I would mess up.  It ended up being a pain in the neck because I got so, even if I did give something a shot, I didn't have the confidence to stick it out.  So, rather than keep going when things got a little sticky, I gave up.  But the kicker is, to me now, giving up is worse than failure.  Not giving myself time to get settled into a position or activity is cheating myself out of a potentially life-enriching experience.  Instead, I would give up and go home, convinced I was a failure.  I wasn't a failure.  I just didn't have the confidence to stick it out to the true end, whether that end came in a day or in 30 years.  

How We Develop Fears

So, how do we develop these sometimes annoying, sometimes debilitating fears?  There are generally three ways:

Direct experience:  We are afraid of thunderstorms because we were hit by lightning.

Indirect experience:  Our father is deathly afraid of thunderstorms because he was hit by lightning, and observing his fear makes us fearful as well.

Learned from the media: We hear about devastating storms in the media, so every time there is a thunderstorm, we freak out, thinking it's a tornado.

What to Do?

There are many things that you can do to try to ease your fears to help facilitate better decision making.  Here are some suggestions.  If these don't work, and you find that your fears interfere with your ability to function normally, day to day, consult a health care professional for help.

• Take your time:  Think about the options and the pros and cons of each one.  Think of the people, time, and energy involved.  Will you be able to stick with your decision happily for the long haul?

Be true to yourself:  Think about the decision in terms of your priorities, goals, and values.  Whatever feels right to you in your gut is most likely the best choice.

• Reduce the stress in your life:  If you are stressed, you'll have a harder time concentrating on the decision you need to make.  Keep your life as simple as possible to help facilitate positive decisions.  Clear space in your calendar to really concentrate on the issue at hand, go for a walk, meditate--anything that will calm your spirit and give you clarity.

• Avoid worrying about making the wrong choice:  Instead of worrying about making the wrong choice, be happy that you do have a choice.  You're not being forced to make one decision over the other, you are being given the gift of, maybe, several choices.  Concentrate deeply on each option and go with your gut, again, when making your decision.  It is usually right.  

• Get inspired by others:  See what others did when they had a tough decision to make.  What strategies did they use to figure out what to do?  You can ask your friends, family, colleagues, neighbors--anyone you trust to give you an honest answer.  You can also read inspirational books and articles, and view videos to gain insight.

• Treat mistakes as lessons:  You may choose the wrong path.  Down the road, you're thinking, "What did I do!?"  But, you made the decision based on the knowledge and information you had available to you at the time.  Treat it as a lesson, make necessary changes, and try something else.  It's done.  It's over.  Work on forgiving yourself and move on.

Have your fears contributed to poor decision making on your part?  How did those decisions affect your life?  What did you do to facilitate change?   

Vlog: Do People Tell You That You Spend Too Much Time Online?

Hi!  Two videos for you today.  This one is on spending time online.  I spend a lot of time online:

• work
• shop
• get the news
• talk to friends

That doesn't mean that I don't get out of the house, get fresh air, exercise, talk to people face to face, etc.  I do.  But it's really handy to do so much online that I spend a lot of time there.  Many of my friends live across the country, actually across the world, so it's easier to talk online.  It's not possible to visit super-often when you have to fly or drive long distances to visit friends.  The technology is there, so I use it.  I use it to enhance my friendships, not destroy them.  

What's your take on this issue?  Do you spend lots of time online?  Do you have more friends online than offline?  Do you still get together with friends face to face?  Do you prefer one way of communicating over the other?  

Hug Life

I'm always looking out for cool shirts that catch my eye.  I've been on a tye dye kick lately, so when I saw this shirt with not only a tye dye design, but a cat and the words "Hug Life" emblazoned across the front of it, well, I was sold.  

What Does It Mean?

I got to thinking the other day and wondered what exactly it means to "hug life."  I came up with the following ideas:

1. Embrace life:  Embrace each facet of your life; for example, relationships, spirituality, career, health, well-being, and financial.  Embrace it all, the good and the bad.  Be present in each moment and really feel it and experience it. 
2. Spend time wisely:  None of us knows how long we will live.  It's best to take advantage of each day and live it to the fullest.  That doesn't mean cramming every possible activity or opportunity into each day.  Rather, it means, spending time on the people and things that you love and value the most.  Learn to say no when you're asked to do something you don't want to do.  Of course, there are always things you must do even though you don't want to, but I'm talking about the optional stuff.  Dinner with friends, membership to this or that committee, hosting the family reunion for the tenth time just because you are so good at it, and so on.
3. Break down barriers:  Don't waste time sitting on the sidelines wishing you could do something.  Get out there and do what you can to make it happen.  Break down perceived or real barriers in order to live the life of your dreams.  Challenge naysayers, prove them wrong when they say you can't do something, work your butt off to make your dreams come true.  
4. Get fit:  Get off the couch and ditch the junk food.  You've only got one body; it's up to you to take care of it.  Pick activities and exercises you enjoy and change them up every month or so, or whenever they get too easy or boring.  Gradually swap out less healthy foods for healthier ones.  Eat plenty of veggies, fruits, whole grains, and healthy fats.  Yes, you can still indulge is your favorite treat now and then, too.
5. Surround yourself with positive people:  Do you find that you come home from a gathering with friends feeling drained and unsatisfied?  It might be time to reevaluate your friendships.  Decide which friends energize you and which ones drag you down.  You don't have to ditch the ones who aren't as satisfying, just back off a bit so you have more time to spend with those people who deliver positive vibes.
6. Be community-minded:  Volunteering is a great way to hug life.  Get out into your community and see how you can contribute.  I've found that there's no better way to help yourself than by helping someone else.  Even as little as an hour per week, or even sticking to seasonal events like a toy drive at Christmastime, or a school supply drive in the fall, helps.  Some places you may be able to volunteer:  hospital, school, church, community theater group, library, sporting event, or animal shelter.
7. De-clutter your home:  Do you feel drained as you look around your living space at all the clutter?  Arm yourself with a box of large trash bags and start going through all that stuff, room by room.  I love a good clear out, but it gives some people the hives to think of getting rid of anything.  But it's a great way to hug life.  Getting rid of excess stuff can feel very freeing once you get going.  If you haven't used it or worn it in a year, pitch it.  Of course, you'll want to keep sentimental items, but don't go overboard on that either.  That can quickly turn your clear out into a pity party and clutter fest instead.  
8. Reevaluate your job:  Do you enjoy going to work every day?  Do you find the work and comradery energizing?  If so, great.  If not, it's time to make some changes.  Volunteer to work on a special project that really gets you fired up, organize a company softball team or walking group, or bring in plants and photos from home to improve the ambiance of your office space.  If nothing works, start hunting for a new position that you can really get jazzed about.  Maybe you'd get more fulfillment out of working for yourself.  Do some research and see how you can make positive changes related to work.
9. Reevaluate where you live: Is your home comfortable and pleasing?   Do you enjoy living in your town?  Do you find that there are more than enough ways for you to get involved in your community?  Do you find that the people are friendly?  Or has everything become old and stagnant and uninspiring?  Stay if you are thriving in your community, but consider a move across the country or across the world if you just can't take it anymore.  Sometimes a major shake up is what you need to live the life of your dreams.
10. Reevaluate your relationship with your spouse:  Are you still in the honeymoon stage with your spouse?  Does your heart still skip a beat when that person enters the room?  Do you love to sit and talk for hours with the love of your life, or simply hold hands and cuddle?  Or, do you shudder at the thought of your spouse coming home from work?  Do you get irritated with each other for petty little things?  Do you find that you no longer have anything in common?  If things are great, yay!  Keep doing what you're doing.  But if they aren't so great anymore, take the time to sit down and talk about it.  Figure out ways you can try to improve your marriage, including increased communication, date nights, and taking little romantic get-aways.  If you put in a real, concerted effort to improve matters but it doesn't seem to be working, then you might want to consider separation or divorce.   
11. Consider your spirituality:  Fit quiet time into your life so you can look inside to find out what really matters to you. What do you truly believe in?  Are you religious, non-religious, unsure, or still processing your beliefs?  What do you like about yourself?  What do you not like about yourself? What are your regrets?  What are the things you're most proud of?  What makes you really feel good? Answer these questions and find peace with yourself and your life choices so you can move on and grow.  Self-exploration can open your eyes and heal your soul.    
12. Consider what family means to you:  Are you close to your family; or not?  Do you love spending time with family but your schedule doesn't allow for it?  Or does being around family suffocate you?  Do you feel as if your dear friends are more like family than your blood relatives do?  It's important to work this out and spend your time with those you feel closest to, without guilt or regret.  
13. Consider your children and pets:  If you have children, remember, they will be on their own in a flash.  So, take the time when they are young to nurture and spend time with them.  Avoid letting cable TV, video games and the Internet be your babysitters.  Play games, reminisce, laugh, and have meaningful discussions with your kids.  Be sure to make it to their recitals, baseball games, and graduations.  Be a positive example for your children.  Let them know you are there for them without smothering them.  They will love you for it.  If you don't have kids, you may have pets.  Same thing; well, sort of.  Be there for them.  Take care of their needs, keep them well, fed, clean, and happy.  Schedule playtime and snuggle time with your pets.  Dogs and cats, in particular, can be very loving.  They snuggle with you when you're sick, they provide hours of entertainment.  They provide you with unconditional love; they need to receive it in return in order to be healthy and happy.  
14. Be appreciative of nature:  Dance in the rain, take the  time to observe wildlife while walking in nature.  Be curious, watchful.  Really stop and experience the beauty of nature around you.  Really hear the birdsong, babbling brook, and the skittering of a critters in the tall grass.  Really see the brilliant colors in the sky, the flowers, and the birds.  Touch tree leaves and bark; take a deep breath and notice the scents of tree sap, flowers, and waters of nearby lakes and streams.  Be present.  Walk amongst nature with a sense of wonder.  Don't rush.  

What It Doesn't Mean.

Okay, so you want to hug life; make the most out of it and accomplish all sorts of wonderful things.  That's all well and good.  But don't go stepping on toes in the process.

1. Being obnoxious:  Just because someone doesn't have the same goals or values as you have doesn't mean they are hugging life in the wrong way.  You do it your way and let others do it their way.  
2. Being mean or dismissive:  Say you believe in living your life in a certain way and you feel passionate about that belief; so passionate, in fact, that you protest any other way of living life.  You have a right to peacefully protest, but you do not have the right to burn buildings, smash windows, vandalize vehicles, or inflict any other harm to others or their property.  That is just plain wrong.
3. Being irresponsible:  Think before you hug life so hard that you suffocate it, or yourself. Donating to causes beyond your means, totally ignoring your family and friends for the sake of a cause, or quitting your job and moving your family to a remote area to live out your dream of a self-sufficient life without first discussing it with said family--all bad ideas. 

I would love to hear what it means to you to hug life and how you've actually put it into action.  Leave a comment below or email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com  Thanks!

Benefits of Volunteering

Jim and I have done a lot of volunteer work over the years, usually at animal shelters (cleaning the cat rooms and socializing with the kitties mostly).  We've also helped out at area sporting events such as bike races and triathalons.  We enjoy volunteering during the holiday season, too, shopping for toys then wrapping them.  

We took a long break from volunteering when Jim's mother died in late 2013.  Our hearts just weren't in it anymore.  We needed a break.  We also came to the realization that we were spending more time at the animal shelters than we were with our own pets who came from shelters.  That's not right.  There needs to be a balance.  We had to regroup.   Our latest volunteer adventure will be hosting a high school exchange student for the school year.  We are beyond excited about this and can't wait to begin. 

You may think your life is too crazy-busy to possibly allow for volunteer time.  But volunteering provides significant benefits, and is definitely worth looking into.   Many organizations rely on volunteers to provide valuable services that would otherwise be done by paid employees.  Friends and neighbors can benefit  from an offer of a helping hand as well.  But they're not the only ones who reap rewards from volunteering. Volunteers benefit greatly from the experience, in mind, body, and spirit.  I'll mention just a fraction of the ways volunteering your time can put you at an advantage.  Here we go.

1.  New skills:  From bookkeeping and computer operation to carpentry and customer service, volunteering has the potential to provide you with opportunities to learn a variety of new skills.  This can not only potentially help you in your current job, but also in discovering a new hobby or a new career.

2.  More time:  Okay, you're probably thinking, "No way!"  But once you start volunteering, you may get the feeling that you're spending your time in a more valuable, productive way, instead of wasting it in front of the TV or on the Internet.  So, you start looking out for more ways to help within your community. Years ago, I interviewed a lady for an article on pillars of the commuity.  She said that if you want something done, ask a busy person who is active in their community.  They will take on more, while others opt for idleness and claim they have no time.  

3. Better health:  Volunteering can help you live longer, reduce heart disease and chronic pain, boost your mood, give your brain something new to process and figure out, reduce depression, and get you moving.  It's much harder to feel sorry for yourself, for example, when you're helping someone who is down on his luck or suffering from a debilitating disease.  Or even volunteering at a marathon or a community festival can make you feel good.  All that energy helps fuel your self-esteem and make you feel happier.

4.  New friendships:  The longer you volunteer at a specific place, the better chance you have of developing friendships there.  You may form strong bonds that last the rest of your life.  Close friendships are a key element to a happy and healthy life.

5.  New business contacts:  Volunteering is a great way to network.  You may get to meet important business contacts that help further your career.  For example, if you have a dream of starting a web design business you may volunteer to help out at a business fair booth and run into another web designer who offers to partner with you.  You never know.

6.  Better social and relationship skills:  Volunteering is a social activity.  You're almost always working with someone for a common cause.  It can help you become a better speaker, ease shyness, relate better to and work better with a variety of people, and feel more comfortable in crowds.

7.  Fun!:  Volunteering can be a lot of fun.  Pick a cause, sporting event, activity, or organization you feel passionate about and ask if you can help.  Knowing you are helping support something that is near and dear to your heart will make the experience more fun and rewarding.  

8.  Break from routine:  If you find yourself on a treadmill of sorts, going to work, coming home, rushing through dinner, and falling into bed exhausted, volunteering might be what you need to shake things up a bit.  Choose volunteer opportunities that are tied to activities you love to do.  For example, if you enjoy camping, you could sign on to help out at a summer camp, if you love animals, you could walk dogs at a local animal shelter on weekends.

Getting Started

• Figure out why you want to volunteer
• Decide what your skills are
• Decide how many hours per week or month you would like to volunteer
• Figure out what expenses you'd incur as a volunteer
• Decide what you would like to do
• Decide where you would like to volunteer
• Visit local organizations to find out what volunteer opportunities are available
• Check out volunteer sites on the Internet to see if you can volunteer online from home, if you would prefer that
• Visit with staff and volunteers at local businesses to see if you click with them
• Ask neighbors and friends if they, or anyone they know, need a helping hand
• Talk to your family about possibly all joining in on a volunteer project together

Where to Go to Find Volunteer Opportunities

There are many non-profits and other businesses who welcome volunteers.  Here are just a few:

• Community theaters
• Libraries
• Senior centers
• Youth organizations
• Sporting events
• Religious organizations
• Animal shelters
• After school programs
• Nursing homes 
• Hospitals
• National parks
• Schools
• Exchange student organizations (host a student)

Considerations

• Readiness to take on volunteer responsibilities
• Don't overdo it.  Sacrificing health, sleep, family time, "me" time, and the like to help others can lead to burn out and resentment.  A little means a lot.  Stick with what's manageable.
• Make sure you pick a volunteer position that you will enjoy
• Make sure you know what you are expected to do
• Ask questions about he position before you start and anytime new questions come up
• Do you prefer to take on a position where you'll be moving around a lot, standing, or sitting still?
• Accessibility to the venue or office building
• Move on if the opportunity is no longer fulfilling
• Commute distance

Do you volunteer?  What do you love about it?  What are some challenges you've faced?  I'd love to hear from you.