Vlog: Advantages of Acting on a Goal

Hi!  Here is my latest vlog post, this time on the advantages of acting on a goal.  Goal setting is an important part of accomplishing something you really want to do.  Then comes the planning stage.  You need to plan out how you'll meet those goals.  But, then what?  

Action!

Without action, you may never know if you have it in you to make your dreams come true.  You may never get to experience new things and go new places because you were afraid to try; afraid to fail, or you were discouraged by someone who thought you shouldn't risk it.  Well, I'm here to encourage you to do  just the opposite:

• Try!
• Fail!
• Do!

Take those plans and put them into action to make your dreams come true, to meet your goals.  You may have to go through a lot of trial and error to get things right.  You may get discouraged.  You may feel like giving up.  That's okay.  Just as long as you keep trying, maybe faiilng, too, but definitely doing.  Doing something!  Without doing, you'll never know if you can do it or not.  Without failing, you might not learn valuable lessons about where to make adjustments so what you want to do comes easier and turns out better.  Without trying, you will never know how awesome it is to live on your own, travel the world, take a class, have a life-changing surgery, or anything else you may dream of doing.  

Forget the naysayers, stick to your guns, and go for your goals.  You. Can. Do. It.  Let me know how it goes.  I would love to hear from you.

Vlog: Roadblocks: What Have You Come up Against and What Did You Do About It?

This vlog post is on roadblocks, especially those pertaining to chronic health issues, mobility issues, special needs, and so on.  As I mention in the video, I was my most significant barrier to success.  It took me a long time to get out of my own way.  I was insecure, shy, scared of my own shadow--the works.  Luckily, I was able to break down the most significant barriers in my life as I got older and work around others.  

How about you?  What barriers have you faced?  Were you able to knock them down?  If so, how?  If not, what stopped you?  I'd love to hear your thoughts.  

Vlog: Remembering a Class Trip

Hello all!  Today's vlog topic is on doing things on your own.  It is particularly geared toward those with chronic health issues.  I talk about a class trip I went on in high school.  It was the first one I ever went on without my mother.  I was nervous, but I did it.  It taught me that I really could do things on my own.  The lesson here is to try to be as independent and self-sufficient as possible.  Learn all about your health maintenance so if you're caregiver isn't around, you will know what to do.  I hope you enjoy the video and find it helpful.  Have a great weekend.  Take care.

Vlog: A Message to Parents: Encourage Independence

Hi all!  I hope you're having a good week.  Today's vlog is on coddling.  My message to parents--and other family members--is to avoid coddling your children with chronic health issues and special needs.  Let them grow, learn, explore, make friends, and be independent.  It will help your child develop into a strong, confident adult.  Of course, you need to do this according to your child's abilities and needs, but each child should be encouraged to be as independent as possible.  Do you tend to be protective of your children, whether they have health issues or not, or do you let them explore their world?  I'd love to hear your take on this issue.  

Vlog: Do What You Want to Do

Do you tend to try to get others to do what you think they should do?  This could be fixing a lock on a gate or replacing a small appliance that has been sitting around unusable for months.  Or it could be that you think your husband or sibling should go to college or get a better job.  Step back a minute.  Could it be that what you're actually doing is chiding yourself for not doing those things? 

Do your best to stop worrying about what others are or are not doing, and concentrate on what you really want out of life. Pay attention to what you're doing.  Do what you want to do, whether it's starting a business, going back to school, learning to change a car tire, taking a CPR class, marrying, divorcing, having a child, or quitting your job. 

Do you find yourself harping on other people who don't do what you think they should be doing?  What was their reaction?  What did it tell you about yourself?  What did you learn from the experience?   

Are You Ready for Life on Your Own?

Parents and spouses are important parts of your support system.  But what happens when they're gone?  What if they pass on?  Are you ready?  Not only for the emotional impact but for living on your own without your primary source of support?

In 2003, I had a premonition of sorts.  I started thinking, "What if something happens to Jim? Would I be able to function on my own?  Would I know who to call?  Would I know how to handle the business side of our lives--bills, repairs, general maintenance?"  And so on.  I panicked.  I voiced my concerns to Jim, who usually took care of pretty much everything.  I started insisting that he give me a crash course in, well, everything he did for us.  He thought I was overreacting and didn't take it too seriously.  He explained a few things, but I was still pretty much in the dark.

Then in December of that year, he fell.  He fell when the old ladder he was standing on to remove snow from our porch roof broke in two.  He landed on the shoveled concrete walkway in front of our house, with three feet of fresh snow on each side of him. 

I was about to be put to the test.

 As soon as I saw Jim lying on the walkway, unresponsive, I kicked into emergency mode.  It was automatic.  It was instantaneous.  This is one thing I can tell those of you who think you are wimps and clueless about how to handle emergencies:  I said the same exact thing, and yet I did exactly what I needed to do at the time.  You will do what you need to do too.  Your instincts will kick in.  I just hope you never have to experience such razor-sharp instincts.  I wouldn't wish that on anyone.  

Besides keeping up with my medical care, the household stuff, bills, and Jim's condition, I had to manage a move. We had just sold our house and the closing was scheduled for December 31, less than two weeks away. I had to get help to remove the rest of our things from the house.  I had to get a power of attorney so I could sign for Jim at the closing.  We should have backed out of the sale, but we didn't.  Luckily, we had amazing friends and my family who helped get everything done on time, plus provided me with constant support, including transportation to and from the hospital.

Although the neurosurgeon in charge of Jim's care told me afterward he had had his doubts that he's be able to save him, save him he did.  Jim has partial hearing loss, short-term memory loss, and has had bouts with blood clots, but considering the shape he was in when he fell, he's doing quite well.  

Things to Consider 

These are things I wish we had considered well before Jim's fall.  Take a look:

• Sit down with your parent or spouse--or another primary person you currently live with--and discuss what to do in case of emergency or death of that person.
• Make a list of important phone numbers, email addresses, physical addresses, and other important contact information.
• Make a list of account numbers:  banks, credit cards, and so on.
• Do your own banking and handle your own money.
• Add your name to every account, loan--everything--if possible.  I couldn't get information about our car loan because it wasn't in my name at the time of Jim's fall.  
• Surround yourself with people you can count on to help with ANYthing you need.  These people will stay up all night with you while you talk about the same things over and over and cry your eyes out.  These people will drop everything to help you.  These people will have a place where you can stay, at least temporarily, should you be unable or unwilling to stay alone.  No excuses, no questions, no B.S., they are there--period.  Find those people and stick with them.
• Get used to asking others for help when you need it.
• Get used to getting around on your own, whether by car, bus, train, plane, your own two feet, via your chair--whatever--get really good at it.
• Get used to shopping, prepping your own meals, and cleaning your own living space.
• Get used to basic maintenance of your car, chair, house--anything that needs to be done.  Or make a list of reliable repair services you can count on to do it for you.
• Keep up with your health maintenance.  You need to be strong and healthy in times of emergency.  The healthier you are on an on-going basis, the better off you'll be during and after the emergency.

Have you ever experienced a similar situation when you had to take charge and you weren't quite sure you could handle it?  How did you do?  And, do you live on your own?  I'd love to hear from you.

Fear: Contributing to a Life-long Habit of Poor Decision-Making

Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.  It is often referred to as anxiety.  Fear causes a gut-wrenching response (frozen in fear, for example), while anxiety may make you feel mildly queasy.  A bit of anxiety can be a good thing.  It can help you prepare for an important exam or meeting, and even that reasonable fear can prevent you from crossing a street into oncoming traffic.  But a phobia is a different story altogether.  It is an intense, persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, situation, activity, or person.  People with phobias will do anything to avoid what triggers this intense fear.  While anxiety and reasonable fears don't necessarily hinder a person from leading a normal life, phobias certainly do.

Fear and Decision Making

I can relate to fears and even phobias.   I grew up fearing so many things.  Some were normal fears, while others did get in the way of my living a normal life.  From the time I was a small child, fear has contributed to poor decision making on my part.

• Fear of strangers:  At my oldest brother's wedding, I was afraid of my new sister-in-law's father as he was a stranger to me.  But I think the more significant reason was that he wore a white suit coat which I must have associated with those worn by doctors.  Instead of snuggling up to him, I screamed until he finally handed me back over to my mother.  Ouch!  I was six months old.

• Fear of the dark:  It took me ages to leave my parents' bedroom for my own.  When I finally made the switch, I was afraid of the shadows, thinking they were monsters.  I still don't like being out and about in the dark, whether walking in the neighborhood, sitting around a campfire, navigating the rooms of our house, or driving.  I rarely drive at night.  I can't navigate streets as well as I can during the day, and I easily get lost.  This limits me in that I opt out of events that I would enjoy going to that Jim has no interest in, such as concerts, lectures, or parties.

• Fear of being alone or abandoned:  This has always been a big one for me.  I was in isolation in the hospital when I was about three years old due to an infection.  Between the strict visiting hours and my parents' having seven other children to take care of at home, I didn't see them much.  I developed an intense fear of being left alone or abandoned.  If my mother dropped me off at the mall, I would worry that she would forget to pick me up.  If my husband dropped me off at college, I would think the same thing.  That feeling still crops up to this day when I'm dropped off somewhere and the driver drives off.  I am certain that time in isolation is the reason for this fear.  I have never lived on my own.  I went from my childhood home to an apartment with a roommate to an apartment with my husband.  I think it would have been wise for me to wait a bit before getting married.  I was too young.  I'm in my fifties now and feel like I'm still in my thirties, so imagine how young I felt when I got married at 24.  I was an infant emotionally.  I had no clue how to do the marriage thing.  None.  I wish I would have lived on my own for a year or two before taking the plunge.  It would have made those early married years much less boggling.  But both my husband and I thought we were getting long in the tooth (he was a whopping 26, oh my) and if we were going to get married, we'd better get on with it.  Oh, please!  Age doesn't mean a thing.  We should have concentrated on, "Are we ready?"  or that little voice giving us warning signs that it's just not the right time.

• Fear of thunderstorms:  Another big one.  I totally tense up at the slightest sound of thunder in the distance.  When I was a young child, I would lie on the couch and cover my head with pillows until the storm passed.  As I got older, I would simply lie in bed if I was home until it was over.  If I was out and about, forget it.  I was a mess.  I wrote about one particularly frightening episode that happened in Florida decades ago.  I inherited this fear from my father who was deathly afraid of thunderstorms.  He was a hard worker, but if a thunderstorm hit, all work stopped and he and my siblings would head for the safety of the house.  He cautioned against using the telephone, stove, and any number of other things during a storm.  He developed his fear when he was a boy working on his family's farm.  He was tending to a cow when the barn was hit by lightning.  The charge traveled to the cow, which died and fell on my dad.  He never forgot that.  To this day, I will not drive in a thunderstorm.  If it's supposed to storm on a day I have an appointment, I cancel it.  My husband, meanwhile, loves thunderstorms.  While I run for cover, he runs outside to watch it roll in.  Oh, my.  

• Fear of dogs:  I have always had a fear of dogs.  I'm short and my balance is not that great, so jumping dogs are especially worrisome.  I've been tripped and knocked down by a few pooches in my day.  I have nothing against dogs in general, but I automatically tense up when I see a dog.  I especially get nervous when I see a dog running loose with or without a human companion.  That happens a lot in the park behind our house, and occasionally in the neighborhood, so I never walk alone.  That is a bummer because I would love to explore the area on my own. 

• Fear of the unknown/uncertainty:  Here's yet another big one for me.  I have always feared the unknown, including the world of work, social clubs, being in a large group of people I don't know, working for others, traveling with or without Jim, and most recently, health insurance.  I like to know what's ahead.  I like to have a routine.  With the above examples, I don't know how it's going to go.  So I freeze up and avoid it if I can, or if I can't, I worry about what could go wrong.  It's mostly tied to health issues.  Will I get sick?  Will I get hurt?  Will my supervisor understand if I have to take time off for illness or surgery?  (Even if she is understanding, I will still feel guilty about it.)  Will my ostomy pouch leak in transit on a trip or during a gathering?  Do I have enough health maintenance supplies with me?  What if... What if... What if...  It drives both Jim and myself a little nutty, to be honest.  That's why I work at home and have for the past 20+ years, and I love that I can do that.  The traveling, well I grin and bear it when traveling with Jim, but inside I'm calculating when I need to do the next maintenance or take the next medication, and how to fit these things into the day's activity schedule. I've declined opportunities to travel with others, depending on the circumstances. I wish I could just go, have fun, and forget about the medical stuff just for a bit.  But my medical mind never shuts off.  It is always talking to me, keeping me in check. As for health insurance, don't get me started.    

• Fear of change:  The comfort zone feels safer, so I generally like to stay put.  I've made that not-so-good decision many times during my life.  Change means beginning again.  It means learning routes to work, school, the grocery store, the hospital in a new city.  It means telling my new doctors my medical life story--again.  It means hearing from those doctors that I'm "a unique case"--again. It means new people, new places, new jobs, new everything.  Or, it means simply changing an attitude a little bit.  Ha.  Simply?  Not.  It's difficult.  It takes time.  Meanwhile, I'm fearful that I won't be able to adjust.  I've put off moves, jobs, switching to a new doctor because I dreaded the change.  But it's worth the effort.  Change is good.  It provides growth and learning and cleans the cobwebs out of our brains and bodies and lives.

• Fear of water:  I've always been leery of the water.  I never learned to swim, almost drowned in the high school swimming pool, and get the heebie-jeebies when crossing a bridge over water.  I'm afraid of going more than ankle-deep into the water.  The smart decision to make in this case would be to sign up for swim lessons, but I never have.  Yet.  I absolutely refuse to learn to swim with a group.  That's how I almost drowned in the first place.  One on one lessons appeal to me.  Another fear has gotten in the way of those lessons, though:  the facility is across town and it's a tricky driving route.  Sigh. 

• Fear of intimacy:  I was self-conscious about dating.  I tended to stay inside this wall I built up around myself, to keep me from getting too close to others.  To keep me safe.  But it also made me feel isolated and alone as well.  To this day, I have a hard time opening up to people until I know them quite well.  Sharing super-personal stuff related to health issues comes only when I have known a person a long time, and then only if I sense that they will understand.  I have to experience a certain vibe when I'm with the person.  If it isn't there, I won't share.  So, I didn't date much and I have very few deep friendships.  

• Fear of driving:  Around the age of 13 I started stressing about learning to drive.  The closer I got to 16, the worse my anxiety became.  Most of my classmates were a year younger than me due to the fact that I repeated second grade because of frequent health-related absence that year.  While some of my classmates were envious that I was old enough to get my driver's license, I was petrified at the notion.  I absolutely did not want to get my driver's license--ever.  But, finally, when I turned 19, my mother dragged me down to the DMV.  She had waited until she was in her 50s to get hers and she wasn't about to let me do the same thing.  It took me four attempts, but I finally got it.  But, license or not, I hardly ever drove.  I was afraid to drive even on the quietest of roads.  I was afraid to drive without someone with me. I was afraid I was going to get into an accident, break down, or get lost.  I dreaded coming across a detour and not knowing how to navigate it.  And forget about driving on snow and ice. It petrifies me.  It is one of the reasons, actually, why we moved to the desert.  We hardly ever get snow.  I also never drive long distances by myself, so no solo road trips for me, although it is enticing.  I've passed up job opportunities because of this fear.  I've passed up going to social gatherings as well.  It has been a significant and limiting fear for a very long time.  When we moved to Utah 10 years ago, I decided that I would attempt to conquer my fear of driving.  I went driving with Jim early on Sunday mornings when NOBODY was on the streets to practice finding my way around.  It took some time, but now I can drive fairly stress-free in most areas of the city.  That was a huge accomplishment for me.

• Fear of rejection:  This fear has caused me to shy away from opportunities for work, friendships, and dating.  I was afraid to try.  I was afraid that I wouldn't get the job because of my disability; that people would think I would be a liability, or that I wasn't qualified.  I was afraid that people wouldn't want to be my friend because I was too different, too weird, too broken.  Or, guys wouldn't  want to go out with me because of my health issues, because I walked funny, or because I wasn't pretty enough, or smart enough, or tall enough.  My confidence was in the gutter on this one for a very long time.  

• Fear of public speaking:  This one goes back quite a ways.  I have always disliked public speaking.  It means getting up in front of people.  It means all eyes are on me and, oh boy, what if I goof.   It involves being vulnerable.  All things that really creep me out.  So, I've stayed away from public speaking in business, which means I'm limiting my exposure to those audiences; those potential clients.  Ironically, the best speech I ever gave was on spina bifida.  I was in college at the time.  Maybe that should spur me to actively entertain speaking more on special needs and abilities as well as friendship.  But the thought of doing it still creeps me out, even though it is enticing.  We'll see.

• Fear of death:  This fear has to do with driving, rather than medical stuff.  Medical stuff, I'm good.  I am not afraid to die from my health issues.  I just don't want someone to smack me when I'm out and about driving and end up killing me in the process.  And what's even more frightening is, I don't want to be the one charged in a case of vehicular manslaughter.  I would absolutely never, ever, ever, ever drive again if I ever killed someone while I was driving.  Especially a child.  Never.  I would fall into a bazillion pieces.  Whenever a child runs out from behind a parked car on my street, chasing a ball or something, I about die. And when I drove our most recent exchange student to school every day, well, you can imagine how I felt as we approached the school and teen drivers were everywhere, kids walking in the street, on the sidewalks, everywhere.  My stress level was through the roof.  But I did it.  I did much better this time around than when we hosted years ago.  That fear just about did me in. I wouldn't drive.  Would NOT drive.  I was obsessive about it, and it caused masses of tension that contributed to that student leaving to live with another family.  Luckily, in 11 years between the two exchanges, I've calmed down just a tad.

• Fear of getting physically hurt:  All my life I've been afraid to get hurt physically.  I didn't want another reason to have to go to the hospital.  So, I avoided walks with my family through the rough pastures on the farm, organized sports, backyard ball games with my family, gym class at school, and many other things that would have helped me keep in better shape as a child.  Also, there are countless hiking trails near us, and it bugs me that I can't tackle strenuous ones for fear of landing in the hospital or ending up dead.  

• Fear of failure:  This is another big one.  I was afraid to try activities, hobbies, classes, jobs, and business opportunities because I thought that I would mess up.  It ended up being a pain in the neck because I got so, even if I did give something a shot, I didn't have the confidence to stick it out.  So, rather than keep going when things got a little sticky, I gave up.  But the kicker is, to me now, giving up is worse than failure.  Not giving myself time to get settled into a position or activity is cheating myself out of a potentially life-enriching experience.  Instead, I would give up and go home, convinced I was a failure.  I wasn't a failure.  I just didn't have the confidence to stick it out to the true end, whether that end came in a day or in 30 years.  

How We Develop Fears

So, how do we develop these sometimes annoying, sometimes debilitating fears?  There are generally three ways:

Direct experience:  We are afraid of thunderstorms because we were hit by lightning.

Indirect experience:  Our father is deathly afraid of thunderstorms because he was hit by lightning, and observing his fear makes us fearful as well.

Learned from the media: We hear about devastating storms in the media, so every time there is a thunderstorm, we freak out, thinking it's a tornado.

What to Do?

There are many things that you can do to try to ease your fears to help facilitate better decision making.  Here are some suggestions.  If these don't work, and you find that your fears interfere with your ability to function normally, day to day, consult a health care professional for help.

• Take your time:  Think about the options and the pros and cons of each one.  Think of the people, time, and energy involved.  Will you be able to stick with your decision happily for the long haul?

Be true to yourself:  Think about the decision in terms of your priorities, goals, and values.  Whatever feels right to you in your gut is most likely the best choice.

• Reduce the stress in your life:  If you are stressed, you'll have a harder time concentrating on the decision you need to make.  Keep your life as simple as possible to help facilitate positive decisions.  Clear space in your calendar to really concentrate on the issue at hand, go for a walk, meditate--anything that will calm your spirit and give you clarity.

• Avoid worrying about making the wrong choice:  Instead of worrying about making the wrong choice, be happy that you do have a choice.  You're not being forced to make one decision over the other, you are being given the gift of, maybe, several choices.  Concentrate deeply on each option and go with your gut, again, when making your decision.  It is usually right.  

• Get inspired by others:  See what others did when they had a tough decision to make.  What strategies did they use to figure out what to do?  You can ask your friends, family, colleagues, neighbors--anyone you trust to give you an honest answer.  You can also read inspirational books and articles, and view videos to gain insight.

• Treat mistakes as lessons:  You may choose the wrong path.  Down the road, you're thinking, "What did I do!?"  But, you made the decision based on the knowledge and information you had available to you at the time.  Treat it as a lesson, make necessary changes, and try something else.  It's done.  It's over.  Work on forgiving yourself and move on.

Have your fears contributed to poor decision making on your part?  How did those decisions affect your life?  What did you do to facilitate change?   

Be the Victor, Not the Victim

When it comes to your health issues, are you a victor or a victim?  Take a look at the characteristics below and decide which one you most identify with.


Characteristics of a Victim

• The world is against me
• Any challenge is an unsurmountable obstacle
• I blame others for my failures
• I have a negative attitude
• I make excuses
• I am pessimistic
• I see only closed doors
• I give up quickly if I don't succeed

Characteristics of a Victor

• I can be of service to the world
• I consider an obstacle an opportunity
• I am responsible for my successes and failures
• I have a positive attitude
• I see only open doors
• I am optimistic
• I don't give up until I succeed

Me:  A Bit of Both, and Working To Improve

As a very young child, I started learning self-care.  I also watched doctors and nurses carefully as they performed health maintenance and various procedures.  I learned all I could about the medical world as it pertained to me.  That part was pretty cool.  It helped lessen my fear of those surroundings that were a regular part of my life.  The part that wasn't so cool was that my parents tended to shelter me, so:

• I can't do anything for myself (other than medical stuff, of course--that I knew)
• I can't get involved with family activities because I might get hurt
• I can't participate in gym class because I might get hurt, look foolish
• I can't go play with other kids because I don't fit in, I'm too slow

My anger grew as I got a little older.  I hated having health issues, being stared at, being pitied, being different, being limited, being afraid to do things on my own, my parents' coddling, not hanging out with my peers, but I was a good girl so I never let anyone see that side of me.  I kept it inside.  When I hit my teens, things changed.  All that bottled up anger came flooding out:

• I resent my family
• I resent the world
• I resent my peers for being healthy
• I resent myself for being different, broken
• I can't get involved in community
• I can't learn to drive because I might get into an accident
• I can't get involved in school activities because I don't fit in, I'm not good enough
• I can't make really close friends because I "need" to keep so much of myself private
• I will never have a boyfriend because I'm broken, too different, ugly
• I resent myself for thinking all of these things but I can't help it

Luckily, things started turning around when I was about 15.  Otherwise, I am convinced I wouldn't be here.  I was deeply troubled and something had to give.  Someone would have to intervene and help me, or I would be dead.  Someone intervened.  It totally changed my life.

• I joined school clubs
• I volunteered at school and in the community
• I made friends
• Fell in love
• I traveled without my parents
• I went to school dances, including the prom
• I went to school dressed as a Smurf for Halloween (I kid you not.  I would never have even thought of doing such a thing before.)
• I got more involved at home, doing more chores on the family farm
• I went for walks and participated in other activities with my family

Since then there have been ups and downs.  

• Indecision regarding college studies.  (I'm just now figuring out what I really want and love to do) 
• Insecurities about abilities related to work
• Some pretty cool jobs, and the realization that I prefer working from home.  Not to avoid work, but to enhance it.  Make it work for me.
• Marriage
• More travel
• More volunteering
• More friends
• A couple major moves to other parts of the country 
• Old and new health issues to deal with

But basically, things are going well.

How to Be a Victor

• Remember that any change begins with you
• Have healthy conversations with family and friends about issues that are bothering you
• Pick one thing in your life that you will start to react differently, more positively, to
• Put visual reminders up around your home or in your car to help you think more positively
• Learn to say "I'm sorry," or "I'm wrong," --and mean it--when you mess up
• Say "I can" or "I will"
• Contact local organizations to see if they would be interested in scheduling you to speak at one of their meetings or other events on a subject related to your health issues (advocacy, awareness)
• Make a list of things you would love to try, then set out to do them  (a new hobby, vacation destination, sport, activity, class, social club, or maybe living on your own)
• Surround yourself with positive people who believe in your abilities
• Talk to your doctor about any questions or concerns you have

As you begin to change your mindset from victim to victor, you will experience ups and downs, but keep at it.  It takes time to adopt the attitude of a victor, but you'll get there.  Step by step, you'll make the changes necessary to live a happier, more positive life.

So, do you identify more with the victor or the victim?  If you exhibit more victim-like characteristics, what can you do to make a more positive shift?  

  

Vlog: Life Coaching Specialties, Part 1 or 2

Hi again!  I'm trying something a little bit different this time, posting a vlog.  This is the first of two parts, featuring a review of the types of clients I serve.  I start off here with special needs/abilities coaching.  I'd love your feedback on the information itself as well as the visual quality. If you would like to hear more information about my coaching, please feel free to contact me via email at  amy@acnlifecoach.com.  Also, visit my website at www.acnlifecoach.com.  Take care.

Choosing the Life You Want

Yes we can choose the life we want.  Of course, it takes time, energy, and patience to get it right, but it can happen.

My life has gone through several renovations over the years. 

At first I was perfectly happy to let others take the lead.  I didn't have any ambitions to run the show, become a big shot in business, or make a lot of hefty decisions.  Dealing with my health issues was enough for me.  I did what I had to do, followed instructions, had few friends, and led a pretty quiet life.  It suited me.

Then I got to the point of wanting something more.  I was tired of working anywhere at any job just to help make ends meet.  But I was still unsure of myself.  Nevertheless, I'd had it with working outside the home.  Some of the jobs were fun and the people I worked with were supportive, but I was unsatisfied with the working environment I found myself in most of the time.  I hated to drive, to rely on rides to work, and having to deal with office politics day in and day out.  But I wanted to contribute to our income in some way.  So, I started a typing and design business at home (this was 1995).  It was a big step, and I enjoyed it.  I was able to put my creative talents to work for me, and my human services background helped me become pretty darn good at customer service.  It gave me a chance to be independent, at least in the business world.  It lasted a dozen years.  

In the meantime, another change came.  As I've mentioned before, Jim was badly injured in a fall in late 2003.  That fall was what I needed to become more confident.  I was forced to handle the bills, the closing on our house, a move, talking to doctors about Jim's care, and my own health issues.  I had talked to Jim shortly before his fall about wanting to be more involved in decision making.  I complained that I didn't know what to do should something happen to him.  Then, he fell.  And I found out how ready I was for it.  It was a huge test and, incredibly, I passed!  Was it easy?  Absolutely not.  Was it invigorating?  Absolutely yes!  Do I wish I could have gained confidence in a different way?  OH yeah.  But things happen for a reason.  Jim's fall happened to teach us both that I could stand on my own two feet if I absolutely had to.  If Jim hadn't been so badly hurt, I probably would have been doing the dance of joy all over town, I felt so high on confidence.  

That life changing experience led to the decision to move out west.  I felt closed in by my surroundings.  I hated the long, cold winters we had back in rural New York.  I wouldn't drive in the snow, which limited me as far as work and play were concerned.  I was afraid to fall on the ice, I didn't skate or ski.   The dread of winter bothered me all year.  I was tired of feeling dragged down, limited.  I could work at home, sure, but this didn't just have to do with work.  It had to do with independence and freedom.  I didn't feel as if I had it in New York.  Someone was always giving me rides.  I was always missing out on social, civic, and professional opportunities because I didn't drive.  Enough!

We hit the road in 2007 for southern Utah.  Leaving the place where I'd grown up, my family, everything I knew, was hard, but leaving my doctors was the hardest.  I had an incredible team of physicians back in New York whom I trusted.  But I also had to trust my gut.  I wanted to feel more free to do things, go places, meet people, find myself, be myself, and so on.  The moderate climate of southern Utah made that more doable.  I was ready to give it a shot.

We've been in Utah for eight years this month.  It's my home now.  I've done things out here that I never dreamed I would, met people I never would have otherwise, and become even more independent and confident.  I drive all over the place, I'm working at a job I love, I'm fit, I'm social, I'm healthy, and I'm living life on my own terms.  Life is good.

Never settle for a life that doesn't feel right.  Work at it, bit by bit, until it's the life of your dreams.  You'll get there.