Fear: Contributing to a Life-long Habit of Poor Decision-Making

Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.  It is often referred to as anxiety.  Fear causes a gut-wrenching response (frozen in fear, for example), while anxiety may make you feel mildly queasy.  A bit of anxiety can be a good thing.  It can help you prepare for an important exam or meeting, and even that reasonable fear can prevent you from crossing a street into oncoming traffic.  But a phobia is a different story altogether.  It is an intense, persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, situation, activity, or person.  People with phobias will do anything to avoid what triggers this intense fear.  While anxiety and reasonable fears don't necessarily hinder a person from leading a normal life, phobias certainly do.

Fear and Decision Making

I can relate to fears and even phobias.   I grew up fearing so many things.  Some were normal fears, while others did get in the way of my living a normal life.  From the time I was a small child, fear has contributed to poor decision making on my part.

• Fear of strangers:  At my oldest brother's wedding, I was afraid of my new sister-in-law's father as he was a stranger to me.  But I think the more significant reason was that he wore a white suit coat which I must have associated with those worn by doctors.  Instead of snuggling up to him, I screamed until he finally handed me back over to my mother.  Ouch!  I was six months old.

• Fear of the dark:  It took me ages to leave my parents' bedroom for my own.  When I finally made the switch, I was afraid of the shadows, thinking they were monsters.  I still don't like being out and about in the dark, whether walking in the neighborhood, sitting around a campfire, navigating the rooms of our house, or driving.  I rarely drive at night.  I can't navigate streets as well as I can during the day, and I easily get lost.  This limits me in that I opt out of events that I would enjoy going to that Jim has no interest in, such as concerts, lectures, or parties.

• Fear of being alone or abandoned:  This has always been a big one for me.  I was in isolation in the hospital when I was about three years old due to an infection.  Between the strict visiting hours and my parents' having seven other children to take care of at home, I didn't see them much.  I developed an intense fear of being left alone or abandoned.  If my mother dropped me off at the mall, I would worry that she would forget to pick me up.  If my husband dropped me off at college, I would think the same thing.  That feeling still crops up to this day when I'm dropped off somewhere and the driver drives off.  I am certain that time in isolation is the reason for this fear.  I have never lived on my own.  I went from my childhood home to an apartment with a roommate to an apartment with my husband.  I think it would have been wise for me to wait a bit before getting married.  I was too young.  I'm in my fifties now and feel like I'm still in my thirties, so imagine how young I felt when I got married at 24.  I was an infant emotionally.  I had no clue how to do the marriage thing.  None.  I wish I would have lived on my own for a year or two before taking the plunge.  It would have made those early married years much less boggling.  But both my husband and I thought we were getting long in the tooth (he was a whopping 26, oh my) and if we were going to get married, we'd better get on with it.  Oh, please!  Age doesn't mean a thing.  We should have concentrated on, "Are we ready?"  or that little voice giving us warning signs that it's just not the right time.

• Fear of thunderstorms:  Another big one.  I totally tense up at the slightest sound of thunder in the distance.  When I was a young child, I would lie on the couch and cover my head with pillows until the storm passed.  As I got older, I would simply lie in bed if I was home until it was over.  If I was out and about, forget it.  I was a mess.  I wrote about one particularly frightening episode that happened in Florida decades ago.  I inherited this fear from my father who was deathly afraid of thunderstorms.  He was a hard worker, but if a thunderstorm hit, all work stopped and he and my siblings would head for the safety of the house.  He cautioned against using the telephone, stove, and any number of other things during a storm.  He developed his fear when he was a boy working on his family's farm.  He was tending to a cow when the barn was hit by lightning.  The charge traveled to the cow, which died and fell on my dad.  He never forgot that.  To this day, I will not drive in a thunderstorm.  If it's supposed to storm on a day I have an appointment, I cancel it.  My husband, meanwhile, loves thunderstorms.  While I run for cover, he runs outside to watch it roll in.  Oh, my.  

• Fear of dogs:  I have always had a fear of dogs.  I'm short and my balance is not that great, so jumping dogs are especially worrisome.  I've been tripped and knocked down by a few pooches in my day.  I have nothing against dogs in general, but I automatically tense up when I see a dog.  I especially get nervous when I see a dog running loose with or without a human companion.  That happens a lot in the park behind our house, and occasionally in the neighborhood, so I never walk alone.  That is a bummer because I would love to explore the area on my own. 

• Fear of the unknown/uncertainty:  Here's yet another big one for me.  I have always feared the unknown, including the world of work, social clubs, being in a large group of people I don't know, working for others, traveling with or without Jim, and most recently, health insurance.  I like to know what's ahead.  I like to have a routine.  With the above examples, I don't know how it's going to go.  So I freeze up and avoid it if I can, or if I can't, I worry about what could go wrong.  It's mostly tied to health issues.  Will I get sick?  Will I get hurt?  Will my supervisor understand if I have to take time off for illness or surgery?  (Even if she is understanding, I will still feel guilty about it.)  Will my ostomy pouch leak in transit on a trip or during a gathering?  Do I have enough health maintenance supplies with me?  What if... What if... What if...  It drives both Jim and myself a little nutty, to be honest.  That's why I work at home and have for the past 20+ years, and I love that I can do that.  The traveling, well I grin and bear it when traveling with Jim, but inside I'm calculating when I need to do the next maintenance or take the next medication, and how to fit these things into the day's activity schedule. I've declined opportunities to travel with others, depending on the circumstances. I wish I could just go, have fun, and forget about the medical stuff just for a bit.  But my medical mind never shuts off.  It is always talking to me, keeping me in check. As for health insurance, don't get me started.    

• Fear of change:  The comfort zone feels safer, so I generally like to stay put.  I've made that not-so-good decision many times during my life.  Change means beginning again.  It means learning routes to work, school, the grocery store, the hospital in a new city.  It means telling my new doctors my medical life story--again.  It means hearing from those doctors that I'm "a unique case"--again. It means new people, new places, new jobs, new everything.  Or, it means simply changing an attitude a little bit.  Ha.  Simply?  Not.  It's difficult.  It takes time.  Meanwhile, I'm fearful that I won't be able to adjust.  I've put off moves, jobs, switching to a new doctor because I dreaded the change.  But it's worth the effort.  Change is good.  It provides growth and learning and cleans the cobwebs out of our brains and bodies and lives.

• Fear of water:  I've always been leery of the water.  I never learned to swim, almost drowned in the high school swimming pool, and get the heebie-jeebies when crossing a bridge over water.  I'm afraid of going more than ankle-deep into the water.  The smart decision to make in this case would be to sign up for swim lessons, but I never have.  Yet.  I absolutely refuse to learn to swim with a group.  That's how I almost drowned in the first place.  One on one lessons appeal to me.  Another fear has gotten in the way of those lessons, though:  the facility is across town and it's a tricky driving route.  Sigh. 

• Fear of intimacy:  I was self-conscious about dating.  I tended to stay inside this wall I built up around myself, to keep me from getting too close to others.  To keep me safe.  But it also made me feel isolated and alone as well.  To this day, I have a hard time opening up to people until I know them quite well.  Sharing super-personal stuff related to health issues comes only when I have known a person a long time, and then only if I sense that they will understand.  I have to experience a certain vibe when I'm with the person.  If it isn't there, I won't share.  So, I didn't date much and I have very few deep friendships.  

• Fear of driving:  Around the age of 13 I started stressing about learning to drive.  The closer I got to 16, the worse my anxiety became.  Most of my classmates were a year younger than me due to the fact that I repeated second grade because of frequent health-related absence that year.  While some of my classmates were envious that I was old enough to get my driver's license, I was petrified at the notion.  I absolutely did not want to get my driver's license--ever.  But, finally, when I turned 19, my mother dragged me down to the DMV.  She had waited until she was in her 50s to get hers and she wasn't about to let me do the same thing.  It took me four attempts, but I finally got it.  But, license or not, I hardly ever drove.  I was afraid to drive even on the quietest of roads.  I was afraid to drive without someone with me. I was afraid I was going to get into an accident, break down, or get lost.  I dreaded coming across a detour and not knowing how to navigate it.  And forget about driving on snow and ice. It petrifies me.  It is one of the reasons, actually, why we moved to the desert.  We hardly ever get snow.  I also never drive long distances by myself, so no solo road trips for me, although it is enticing.  I've passed up job opportunities because of this fear.  I've passed up going to social gatherings as well.  It has been a significant and limiting fear for a very long time.  When we moved to Utah 10 years ago, I decided that I would attempt to conquer my fear of driving.  I went driving with Jim early on Sunday mornings when NOBODY was on the streets to practice finding my way around.  It took some time, but now I can drive fairly stress-free in most areas of the city.  That was a huge accomplishment for me.

• Fear of rejection:  This fear has caused me to shy away from opportunities for work, friendships, and dating.  I was afraid to try.  I was afraid that I wouldn't get the job because of my disability; that people would think I would be a liability, or that I wasn't qualified.  I was afraid that people wouldn't want to be my friend because I was too different, too weird, too broken.  Or, guys wouldn't  want to go out with me because of my health issues, because I walked funny, or because I wasn't pretty enough, or smart enough, or tall enough.  My confidence was in the gutter on this one for a very long time.  

• Fear of public speaking:  This one goes back quite a ways.  I have always disliked public speaking.  It means getting up in front of people.  It means all eyes are on me and, oh boy, what if I goof.   It involves being vulnerable.  All things that really creep me out.  So, I've stayed away from public speaking in business, which means I'm limiting my exposure to those audiences; those potential clients.  Ironically, the best speech I ever gave was on spina bifida.  I was in college at the time.  Maybe that should spur me to actively entertain speaking more on special needs and abilities as well as friendship.  But the thought of doing it still creeps me out, even though it is enticing.  We'll see.

• Fear of death:  This fear has to do with driving, rather than medical stuff.  Medical stuff, I'm good.  I am not afraid to die from my health issues.  I just don't want someone to smack me when I'm out and about driving and end up killing me in the process.  And what's even more frightening is, I don't want to be the one charged in a case of vehicular manslaughter.  I would absolutely never, ever, ever, ever drive again if I ever killed someone while I was driving.  Especially a child.  Never.  I would fall into a bazillion pieces.  Whenever a child runs out from behind a parked car on my street, chasing a ball or something, I about die. And when I drove our most recent exchange student to school every day, well, you can imagine how I felt as we approached the school and teen drivers were everywhere, kids walking in the street, on the sidewalks, everywhere.  My stress level was through the roof.  But I did it.  I did much better this time around than when we hosted years ago.  That fear just about did me in. I wouldn't drive.  Would NOT drive.  I was obsessive about it, and it caused masses of tension that contributed to that student leaving to live with another family.  Luckily, in 11 years between the two exchanges, I've calmed down just a tad.

• Fear of getting physically hurt:  All my life I've been afraid to get hurt physically.  I didn't want another reason to have to go to the hospital.  So, I avoided walks with my family through the rough pastures on the farm, organized sports, backyard ball games with my family, gym class at school, and many other things that would have helped me keep in better shape as a child.  Also, there are countless hiking trails near us, and it bugs me that I can't tackle strenuous ones for fear of landing in the hospital or ending up dead.  

• Fear of failure:  This is another big one.  I was afraid to try activities, hobbies, classes, jobs, and business opportunities because I thought that I would mess up.  It ended up being a pain in the neck because I got so, even if I did give something a shot, I didn't have the confidence to stick it out.  So, rather than keep going when things got a little sticky, I gave up.  But the kicker is, to me now, giving up is worse than failure.  Not giving myself time to get settled into a position or activity is cheating myself out of a potentially life-enriching experience.  Instead, I would give up and go home, convinced I was a failure.  I wasn't a failure.  I just didn't have the confidence to stick it out to the true end, whether that end came in a day or in 30 years.  

How We Develop Fears

So, how do we develop these sometimes annoying, sometimes debilitating fears?  There are generally three ways:

Direct experience:  We are afraid of thunderstorms because we were hit by lightning.

Indirect experience:  Our father is deathly afraid of thunderstorms because he was hit by lightning, and observing his fear makes us fearful as well.

Learned from the media: We hear about devastating storms in the media, so every time there is a thunderstorm, we freak out, thinking it's a tornado.

What to Do?

There are many things that you can do to try to ease your fears to help facilitate better decision making.  Here are some suggestions.  If these don't work, and you find that your fears interfere with your ability to function normally, day to day, consult a health care professional for help.

• Take your time:  Think about the options and the pros and cons of each one.  Think of the people, time, and energy involved.  Will you be able to stick with your decision happily for the long haul?

Be true to yourself:  Think about the decision in terms of your priorities, goals, and values.  Whatever feels right to you in your gut is most likely the best choice.

• Reduce the stress in your life:  If you are stressed, you'll have a harder time concentrating on the decision you need to make.  Keep your life as simple as possible to help facilitate positive decisions.  Clear space in your calendar to really concentrate on the issue at hand, go for a walk, meditate--anything that will calm your spirit and give you clarity.

• Avoid worrying about making the wrong choice:  Instead of worrying about making the wrong choice, be happy that you do have a choice.  You're not being forced to make one decision over the other, you are being given the gift of, maybe, several choices.  Concentrate deeply on each option and go with your gut, again, when making your decision.  It is usually right.  

• Get inspired by others:  See what others did when they had a tough decision to make.  What strategies did they use to figure out what to do?  You can ask your friends, family, colleagues, neighbors--anyone you trust to give you an honest answer.  You can also read inspirational books and articles, and view videos to gain insight.

• Treat mistakes as lessons:  You may choose the wrong path.  Down the road, you're thinking, "What did I do!?"  But, you made the decision based on the knowledge and information you had available to you at the time.  Treat it as a lesson, make necessary changes, and try something else.  It's done.  It's over.  Work on forgiving yourself and move on.

Have your fears contributed to poor decision making on your part?  How did those decisions affect your life?  What did you do to facilitate change?   

Letting Go

Throughout our lives we experience different types of loss.  It's difficult, no matter how we handle it, but learning to cope with it more effectively can make it more bearable.  In all cases, make time for yourself, spend time alone to gather your thoughts, and grieve in your own way.  Everyone is different.

Friends:  This could come as a result of a move, differing opinions, or death.  If it's a move that is separating you, arrange to keep in touch via Skype, phone, and social media, as well as in-person visits, as much as possible.  Although it depends on how close you are and how long you've known each other, long distance friendships can suffer if you don't put enough effort into keeping them alive.  If separation is due to differing opinions, make a point to seek out new friends who share your views.  It's not necessary for all your friends to agree with you all the time, but they should share your basic values.  Death of a friend can be jarring to your system.  Take time to remember the good times and what your friend means to you.  Celebrate your friendship by doing something that the two of you used to do together.  Invite other friends to join you or do it by yourself, whatever feels more comfortable.  Whatever you loved to do as a team--flying kites on the beach, reading in the park, eating ice cream at your favorite hang out--do it.  Imagine your friend is with you; she really is.  She's there in your heart and in your memory.

Marriage:  Whether a split is friendly or nasty, it's hard to deal with.  You may have put everything you had into the marriage and now it's gone.  It can be pretty traumatic.  You may feel paralyzed, at a loss as to what to do next.  If you have children together, you may be preoccupied with making sure they feel loved and safe.  Take time to recover.  Spend time with the people you trust and find comfort in the most. Talk, sit in silence, play music, explore a favorite place in nature, even invite them to help you go through your things as you pack up your life for a move.  Or, you may find the most comfort in yourself; that's okay.  If you need to be alone to think, remember the past, visit old haunts, cry, prepare for your new life, make that clear to your loved ones.  You need to do what is right for you; whatever will help you heal.  .

Work:  A loss of a job can be devastating financially and emotionally.  Hopefully you'll receive notice, but regardless, be prepared.  Save as much as you can so you have something to get you through potential tough times.  In today's "stuff"ed" culture, it's easy to be tempted to buy everything you want now, but it's best to resist that temptation and save for that rainy day instead.  You'll be glad you did.  You may not be able to save a ton of money, but even putting away a little each week will help in lean times.  It all adds up.  Also, keep your eyes open for any opportunity to work, no matter what the task.  It may not be in your traditional line of work, but when you're trying to keep a roof over your head and food on the table, pretty much any job will do in a pinch while you're looking for something else more suitable.  Ask everyone you know to keep their eyes and ears open for new opportunities.  You can also volunteer at local organizations; it might even lead to a paying position.  It happens.  Be prepared to live more frugally.  Sell things you don't absolutely need.  Ditch cable, Netflix, and the like. Buy or rent a smaller home, trade in your vehicles for less expensive ones, and if your children attend private school, consider enrolling them in public school or giving homeschooling a try.

Retirement:  This may be a time of joy, but it also can be really tough.  You may have worked all your life at the same company and consider your work mates family.  Or, you might simply love what you do for a living and hate the thought of giving it up.  Something you could consider doing is volunteering at work a couple days a week.  That way it's not such a jar to the system as when you just up and leave for good.  Or, you could volunteer at a totally different place.  You could also take on part-time paid work.  Depending on where you live, your health, your disposable income and the like, there are countless things you could do in retirement to help ease the loss of work and potential feelings of being unneeded or bored.  Take up a sport such as golf or tennis, find a walking buddy, travel, join a support group of other retirees, go back to school to take courses for the fun of it, get to know your neighbors, host an exchange student, write your memoirs for your children and grandchildren, adopt a pet from your local animal shelter, or join a club or committee.  The possibilities are only limited by your imagination.

Family:  Whether it's a parent, grandparent, or child, losing a member of your family to death can hit hard.  The mourning process can take a long time, and should take as long as you need to heal.  Go through boxes of mementos, celebrate the good times, join a support group, cry, meditate, even laugh at some silly habit your loved one had.  It is through all these actions that we heal and learn to move on.  I personally don't mourn very long.  Maybe it's because I consider death a part of life.  Or maybe it's because of my medical history.  I have almost died myself a few times.  It could also be that I tend to believe I will meet up with passed loved ones again someday.  I'm not religious, and I don't know much about reincarnation, I admit, but there have been so many accounts of life after death, it is hard for me to discount it as myth.  Besides, it feels good to think that I will meet Dad and others again who have passed.  If it's true, great.  If not, well, I'll find out when the time comes.  It's not something I spend time ruminating over for countless hours.  I remember when my dad passed away, I cried for a short time as Jim hugged me.  The tears were both of sadness and of relief--he'd been in poor health for awhile.  But then I was okay.  He was at peace.  Although I think of him often--his caring, his quirky sense of humor, his funny catchphrases--I've gone on with my life.

Childhood:  Where in the world did it go?  How did I get this old so fast?  Okay no, I'm not old and I don't obsess about getting older.  To me, the fact that I'm getting older is a good thing, otherwise I'd be dead, right?  But still, I do find myself taken aback a bit when I realize just how long ago I graduated from high school.  I still feel as if I'm 18 (well, most of the time), for heaven's sake!  So, why is it that songs from the 1980s are considered "oldies," now?  Oldies?  You've got to be kidding!  The first time I heard an '80s song on an Oldies station I about fell over.  It just can't be!  But, yep, it is.  Childhood was a long time ago for many of us.  To think of it that way, it smarts a little, and it can be scary.  It seems as if you were just on the track team breaking all sorts of records and now your bones snap, crackle and pop every time you try to get out of your favorite easy chair.  Oh, the realities of life suck sometimes.  It's important to key on the present and what you can do, not what you can't.  Participate in activities that you enjoy.  Maybe you can't run track anymore, but try your hand at something else like walking, wheelchair dancing, yoga, table tennis, or golf.  Join clubs associated with your youth (related to a specific music of an era, for example), or dig out old childhood games and give them a go again for the fun of it.  You may have to face the fact that you're a grown up now and even act like it sometimes, but that doesn't mean you can't still be a kid at heart.  Embrace the life you live now, make it fun, and look for fulfilling activities to participate in.

If you find that your feelings of loss are taking over; they're interfering with you getting on with your normal life, seek out the help of a qualified health professional.  Don't deal with this alone long-term.  Honor the loved ones/your childhood that you have lost by getting the help you need so you can live a happy, healthy and fulfilling life.  

Oh, Show Up!

We've all experienced it; people sometime just don't show up.  These are some of the prime times you might experience no-shows:

• for a meeting
• for a party/dinner
• to help with a project
• to exercise
• to take you to an appointment
• to repair something for you (some of the worst offenders)
• to take you on a date
• for a day out

You also might not hear back from RSVPs.  Usually that means they're not coming, but sometimes they do show up.  And, finally, there are those people who don't return texts, emails, or phone calls. 

All aggrevating, for sure.

So, what to do about this?  Well, if it's the first time the person has blown you off, it's best to forget about it rather than risk tainting relations. Maybe they didn't get your invitation or message.  It could have gotten lost in the mail or in the wilds of cyberspace.  Maybe they had an emergency come up at the last minute and didn't have time to contact you.  Those things happen.

But if it's happened multiple times, consider talking to the person in private about it.  Is there a problem?  Did they get the message?  Was there a mix up on dates?  And if it's a contractor, call him on the carpet about it.  Let him know that no-shows are not tolerated.  Your time is valuable. If this plumber, carpenter, or painter were trustworthy and reliable,  he would have let you know he was going to be late or had to change the day of service.  If he can't make a point to show up on time, how can you trust him to do a good job?  Ditch him.

But, what about friends, relatives, and acquaintances?  It's nice to be understanding--to a point.  But, if someone keeps blowing you off, it's time to distance yourself from that person.  Next time you host a party, leave them off the guest list.  If your date calls you up for yet another chance, say no.  If your usual ride calls at some point, again, and promises to take you to your next appointment, again,  be ready with an alternate driver and decline.  Maybe it will be their wake up call to start acting more responsibly; maybe not.  You'll find out.  

You need genuine, reliable, honest, trustworthy people in your life.  Work hard to make it happen.  Don't settle for people you can't count on--in your personal life or business--just because you'd feel guilty for cutting ties. 

Have you got a "no-show" story to tell?  I'd love to hear it.  Leave a message below or email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com.  You can also contact me via my website: www.acnlifecoach.com.  Take care.

Over-Thinking Part 3: This and That

Here is the third video in the Over-Thinking series.  It covers several different instances when you might over-think.  Hope you enjoy this video and that it's helpful.  Contact me anytime.  I went feedback.

Time Management

Do you find that you don't have enough time for the things you like to do?  Then take a gander at 168 Hours--You Have More Time Than You Think by Laura Vanderkam.  In it, you'll find all sorts of tips to save time and do the things you really want to do.  There are real-life examples throughout.  We each have 168 hours in each week, so even if we work 50 or 60 hours, we still have 108 to 118 hours during the week to do other things  Make sure to set aside time within those remaining hours to do the things you enjoy doing.  

Here are tips, some of which are based on the information in Vanderkam's book:

1.  Look at how you spend your time:  Keep a time diary for a week or two to see how you spend your time.  Do you find that you spend a lot of time watching TV and surfing the Internet?  My husband and I have been watching a lot of DVDs lately of old sitcoms from the 60s and 70s.  We also spend a lot of time online.  Although that's fun and can be relaxing, there's no reason to sacrifice other activities that would potentially bring more joy by spending countless hours staring at a screen.  Cut that time down drastically to find the room in your life for the things that have been sitting on the back burner for weeks, months, or even years.  For us, that has been to start a game night.  We get together once a month to play party/board games with friends.  It has added an important and fun social element to our lives.

2.  Decide what you want to do:  What would you really, really, really like to do?  Choose two or three and set out to find  ways to fit them into your schedule.  Maybe you'd like to spend more time with your children, or take a pottery class, or exercise.  Go for it!  Get out there and do it.  As Vanderkam notes, that last one is a must.  Fit exercise into your schedule so you increase your endurance, you feel better, and you have more energy to take on all the tasks of your day.  I'm exercising more often these days.  I notice a big improvement in my mood on the days I exercise versus the days I don't.  My husband and I are also taking more time to spend with our pets.  We have six cats and a parrot.  We spent a good share of our free time volunteering at animal shelters over the last several years.  While that is important and we loved it, we realized that we weren't spending enough time with our own adopted pets at home.  So we reduced our volunteer time drastically.  Now we only occasionally volunteer.  We hope that when we retire we'll be in good health and able to volunteer somewhere ever day.  That's quite a few years down the road yet, but something we're looking forward to.

3.  Decide what you don't want to do:  We spend a lot of time doing things we think we should do.  Delete 'should' from your vocabulary.  Are you tired of housework?  Do you cringe everytime you're asked to serve on yet another committee?  Are there friends or family members you would rather not see as often?  It's okay to back off.  Listen to yourself and find out what changes you would like to make, then go about making them.  Learn to say 'no' more often, so you have the energy to do the things and spend time with the people that make your heart sing.  I admit I don't spend as much time on household chores as I used to.  When my husband is at work, I work at home.  When he comes home, I spend time with him.  That's also when I tend to do chores too--after work.  Just because I'm home during the day, doesn't mean it's chore time.  It's work time, like it would be for anyone who works outside the home.  

4.  Unclutter your life:  By this I mean, go through and get rid of things in your life that you don't need.  Clutter can dampen your spirits, keep you bogged down, and potentially kill your motivation.  So, this project is a good one to do during the times you used to watch TV and spend glued to the Internet.  Go through your home and get rid of anything you don't use, want, or need anymore.  If you haven't worn something in a year, most likely you won't ever wear it again.  Give it away or pitch it.  Have you saved all your school work, or souvenirs from trips?  It's time to thin them out.  Are you afraid to get rid of anything anyone has ever given you just because it might hurt their feelings?  It's your stuff now; it's up to you what you do with it.  Get a box and go through these things, only keeping the items you truly enjoy and use.  When you're done going through your home, hit your office.  Do you absolutely need every piece of paper, every report, every statement, every knickknack, every email message, every document on your computer, every sticky note, every manual, or every freebie from conferences that fills your work space?  I'm guessing , no.    Spend some time before your work day starts or during your breaks to sort through some of these things.  I'm not saying you should get rid of everything.  Keep the things that are dear to you or that you really need, of course.  Just get rid of the clutter.  

All these things will help save time in the end.  Give them a try and see if they work for you.  I'd love to hear how you decide to make time for what's important to you.  Contact me at amy@acnlifecoach.com or post a message here.  Also feel free to visit my website at www.acnlifecoach.com.  Take care.