Vlog: The Frustrations Involved With Taking Care Of Others Who Don't Listen

• You have health issues
• You take time to care for yourself
• You take time to make your doctor appointments and go to them
• You follow doctor's orders
• You put up with surgeries, recovery, therapies
• You take your medication
• You do what you are supposed to do 
• You work your life in around your medical stuff/ health maintenance
• You ask your family what you can do for them.  You do it and they don't seem to appreciate it.
• They don't seem to latch onto concepts or tool that you share with them, even though they were open to discussion.

Okay, true, everyone has a right to their own opinion.  Not everyone is going to agree with you.  They don't have to.  I'm talking about hitting a brick wall with them over and over again.

• You spend energy and time you really don't have on others.  

You have lots to do for your health maintenance, you may not have a lot of energy to spare to do the things you're doing for others, but you do them.  You somehow fit it all in.  And, they never take notice!

• You exhaust yourself by giving yourself and your energy and your time to others yet they don't have time for you.

You do what others want you to do.  You go where they want to you to go.  Yet, when you want them to do something, you hit that wall, over and over again.

• You also try to help but are ignored, dismissed, or even ridiculed, maybe.

Particularly about medical stuff, perhaps.  You've got all this experience with chronic health issues, managing your health care, doing what needs to be done, yet when you try to give advice or even are asked for advice on a health matter, you are ignored.  Your friend or loved one doesn't listen.  They do the exact opposite of what they should, in fact.  

Is it worth it?  Is it worth it to care if they don't seem to?

Only you can answer that.  Only you know you're individual situations.  Only you know that particular person you're dealing with.

I have mentioned "The Four Tendencies," by Gretchen Rubin before.  The four tendencies are Obliger, Questioner, Rebel, and Upholder.  I am an obliger.  I have trouble meeting my inner expectations yet I meet outer expectations more easily.  I'm a helper, so that's not surprising.  But when I help, help, help, oblige, oblige, oblige, and get nowhere, get stonewalled, then I turn into a Rebel.  Rebels don't meet either inner or outer expectations.  I just stop obliging those who stonewall me in my personal life.

In my work as a coach, I also oblige, gladly.  I love helping others.  But I also have to be honest with the client who isn't showing up for sessions, isn't involved, isn't trying to help themselves.  I have to ask them what's holding them back.  I have to ask them if they feel that I'm not the right coach for them.  And I have to ask them if maybe they would work better with another coach, or even a counselor or psychologist.  It would be irresponsible of me to keep coaching someone who is clearly not getting anything out of the sessions.  

So, do you have people in your life who don't listen to you?  Do you struggle to oblige them without getting anything in return?  

Vlog: Supporting Others Helps You Cope

Hello!  You may be thinking of the title of this blog and saying to yourself, "You have got to be kidding!"  With an already full plate of doctor's appointments, therapy, health maintenance, medication schedules, family obligations and the like, you're probably thinking you have no time to support others.  I get that. 

Potential benefits

But I also understand how much helping others has helped me.  And it can help you as well by:

• boosting your spirits
• helping you forget about your problems for a bit
• giving you a feeling of serving a purpose
• building your confidence
• enhancing and enriching your own life by helping you realize your own possibilities
• making you feel healthier
• making you feel energized

Ways you can help

There are countless ways you can help others.  You don't have to do anything huge.  Every little thing you can do to support someone in need helps.  Start small and see how it goes, then build on it as you see fit.  Here are some options I came up with.  Some I've done, others I haven't.  You may want to::

• help tutor a neighbor's child
• volunteer at a local school, church, animal shelter, community event
• talk with friends who are going through chemo, dialysis, physical therapy or another issue--be their sounding board
• volunteer at a hospital--read to children, deliver flowers, work at an information desk
• start or join a support group connected to your specific health issues--cancer, MS, arthritis, diabetes, people who have an ostomy
• go into the healthcare field--nurse, doctor, Xray tech, counselor, coach, secretary at a clinic, scheduler for a doctor's office, bookkeeper for a therapist

What else can you think of?  What are you willing to try?  Think of what you'd like to do then take the first step toward putting it into action, and build on it from there.  I'd love to hear what you decide to do.  Let me know how it goes.  You can email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com or comment below.  Thanks!  I'll catch you back here on Monday.  Have a great weekend!