Stay Present

In this crazy busy world, it's hard to stay present.  You're cooking dinner, talking on the phone and answering your kids' questions at the same time.  Or commuting, listening to the news on the radio, and texting at the same time.  Ah, multi-tasking.  You may pride yourself on your ability to do it, but it's robbing you of living your life in the present; of experiencing what's going on around you and noticing how you feel moment by moment. You may also have a tendency to worry about the past or anticipate the future without enjoying the moment you are actually in right now--the only one you really have any control over.  I'm familiar with that one, believe me.

Another name for staying present is "mindfulness."  It involves paying attention to what's going on in your life and inside yourself right this second.  The scent of the flowers outside your open window wafting in, the sounds of your children laughing upstairs, the sight of your cat curled up and napping peacefully on an easy chair next to your desk, the grumbling of your empty stomach, the feeling of being rushed to meet a deadline--anything.   You notice what's going on, enjoy your life, accepting it as it is, not reacting absently or negatively.   It's the opposite of living on "autopilot."  

Getting Started

There's nothing fancy about mindfulness.  You don't need any special equipment.  You can do it anytime, anywhere by taking some deep breaths periodically throughout the day. Slowly inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth, holding for a second between the two.  You can practice mindfulness by silently repeating a mantra as well.  Examples are:  "Breathe," and "I am in a good place."  You can also start by going for a walk and looking at and listening to what's going on around you.  Stay present.   Acknowledge negative emotions that come up but then let them go, and return to the present.  Mindful eating is another great technique to adopt.  Savor your food, chew slowly.  Notice the taste, smell, and texture of the food you're eating.  Are you eating because you are hungry, or because you are bored or worried?  Notice the sensations you're experiencing without judgement, and then let them go.  

Other mindfulness techniques include:

1.  Losing track of time:  Getting totally lost in what you're doing means you are super-focused on it.  You're living in the moment.  This is what happens to me when I write.  I'm so engrossed in what I'm doing that I am unaware of what else is going on around me.  I'm in "the zone."  If Jim come in, bringing me out of that zone, I feel light-headed and admittedly, sometimes a bit grouchy.  I like it in "the zone."  You might be saying, well, I thought losing track of time was a bad thing.  It's not advantageous when you're so crazy- busy that you don't know what is going on around you.  You go from one chore or meeting to the other; you're in hyper-drive.  Mindfulness is different.  When I'm losing myself in my writing, I'm totally into it.  I'm concentrating on the moment of writing, the pleasure of it.  You can't force this state, it just happens.  And, oh boy, does it ever feel awesome!  That's the opposite of crazy-busy.

2.  Move toward, not against, an antagonist:  When you try to fight negative feelings, they tend to keep mounting, am I right?  So, how about trying to face what's bothering you instead?  Accept it for what it is in the present moment, feel it, own it, and then gently put it aside. For example, you've recently lost a loved one and the feelings of grief are so intense that you think you will never feel happy again.  You just want this terrible feeling that has engulfed you to go away.  Again, accept it, feel it, own it, grieve, cry, do what you need to, to heal, then move on.

3.  Embrace the "newness":  Do you travel the same route to work or school every day?  Do you go for a walk at the same park all the time?  This can cause mindlessness.  It's the same old, same old; so much so that you don't even notice what going on around you.  Time passes and you're suddenly at your destination and you don't remember anything that happened on your journey.  It's time to inject newness into your routine.  Make a point to notice changes along the way.  Hey, did the neighbor paint his house?  Wow, look at the way the sun is shining on those mountains!  Doesn't that cloud formation look like a camel?  I love looking at clouds to see what figures and faces I can find in them, by the way.  

Benefits of Mindfulness

Mindfulness is accessible.  Anyone can do it.  There are also books and DVDs on the subject if you want to learn more about it. 

There are many potential benefits of mindfulness including improved ability to face adversity; less worrying, over-thinking, and regret; reduced chronic pain and stress; increased happiness, self-esteem, empathy, and feelings of security, improved immunity function and sleep; reduced risk of heart disease; and increased perspective regarding irrational thoughts.  It also encourages alertness and attentiveness and may be used as a weight maintenance tool.  Mindful meditation is also used in the treatment of:depression, as well as eating, obsessive-compulsive, and anxiety disorders.

How about that!  Something so relatively simple, yet it packs a powerful punch when it comes to improving our health and well-being.

Considerations

• Staying in the present takes practice.  It won't happen overnight.  Be patient.
• Mindfulness requires letting go of what you want and just "being."  Of course we want rewards, but we need to let go of those desires in order to reach mindfulness.
• Start out with 20 minutes of meditation and work up to about 45 minutes 6 days per week.

I admit my attempts at meditating and being mindful over the years have not been very successful.  My mind insists on wandering all over the place.  I haven't been able to stick with it for any length of time.  Maybe I'll try it again sometime; or maybe not.  I have the DVDs already.  I just have to decide to do it.  Or not.  That's the way with anything, isn't it?  We can do anything we want to do.  We spend hours absently surfing the Internet, puttering around doing busy work, and  watching TV.  But dedicate 20 minutes to mindfulness?  Nope, too much work; or too freaky.  Okay, I hear you.  But switching gears may be just what you need to shake things up and get on the road toward living a more fulfilling life.

Do you practice mindfulness?  Do you meditate?  For those of you who don't, I challenge you to give mindfulness and meditation a try, and I will too.    I will report back again soon on my progress, and I would love to hear about your mindfulness journey as well.  

Get Some Perspective on Life

In Friday's post, Choosing the Life You Want, I talked about how I finally got the life that I wanted.  Today, I'm going to share an exercise with you that can help you figure out where to start in making your own life the best it can be.  This exercise is called The Circle of Individual Perspective (see example above), and it can help you see where you are now and what you might need to work on in order for those dreams to come true.

First, draw a circle on a blank piece of paper and divide the circle equally into six sections. Don't worry if they aren't even.  Place one of the following labels on the outside edge of the sections (one label per section):  career, relationships, financial, health, spiritual, and well-being.

Now, rate each of the six categories on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being "least satisfied" and 10 being "most satisfied."  For example, if your relationships are very satisfying/you have many good friends, you would label that section a 9 or 10, but if you're going through a divorce or you're lonely/don't have many friends you'd probably label that section a 1 or 2 instead.  

Okay next, imagine that the circle represents a bicycle wheel.  Draw a straight line across the "career" section at a point that represents your rating.  Say you rated your career a 6. The line you draw from spoke to spoke on the "wheel" would be pretty close to the middle of the section.  If you rated health at a 9 then the line would be very close to the outside edge of the wheel.

When you've drawn all the lines, color in the sections that are closest to the center of the circle.  Now, what does the "bicycle wheel" look like?  Does it look as if it's pretty even all around?  Is the wheel large, or small?  The bigger the wheel, the smoother your ride of life will be.  If the wheel is even but small, it still might be difficult since you've rated each section of life lower than optimal.  If you've got numbers all over the place, as in the above example, 4, 7, 9, 9, 6, 8, you're looking at a pretty funky looking wheel and thus a rough ride in life.

Look at your wheel.  Are you satisfied with it?  Will it provide you with a smooth or bumpy ride?  Take what this exercise has taught you and begin to make little changes in the areas of your life that you most want to improve.  Set goals, devise a plan of action to begin the journey of meeting those goals, and then make them happen.  Dream, imagine, believe, achieve!

If you have any questions about this exercise, or if you would like to find out more about life coaching, please contact me at amy@acnlifecoach.com.  Take care.

Are You a Country or City Person?

Photo of the Welcome to Las Vegas sign my hubby took recently.

I used to dream of moving to a high rise apartment in a big city.  Chicago.  New York.  LA.  Didn't matter where, really.  I was brought up in the country on a dairy farm.  It was a beautiful area, surrounded by rolling hills, gurgling streams, shimmering lakes, and miles of green (ah, but winter, that's another story, and one of the reasons I live in the desert now).  I felt safe, maybe too safe.  All I wanted to do was go; get away to a more "exciting" life.  Maybe get lost in the sea of people there where I could be myself and no one would take notice.  Or maybe someone would notice me and I'd love it.  I did tend to fantasize about making it big, being a star.  Haven't we all done that at some point?

Now I couldn't imagine living in a sprawling or towering metropolis.  I don't fancy living in the country either, although I love going for hikes in the mountains, and breathing in the fresh air and sharp yet sweet scent of pine.  I prefer living in the smallish city where I am now.  I can get the medical care I need, enjoy the 300+ days of sunshine we get each year, take in the vibrant local arts scene, shop for most things I need, and for the rest Las Vegas isn't that far away.  I can get anything there, including many things I'd rather not!  Each time I approach Vegas, the hair at the back of my neck stands up, I become very aware of my surroundings, and I'm constantly on guard.  There is definitely a big city vibe going on there.  I couldn't live like that every day.  I don't think I could get used to it either.  Although I wouldn't want to live in the country again, I am a farm girl at heart.  I don't like how I feel in any big city--nervous, closed in, crowded out, hurried.

Me at my favorite spot on the shores of Lake Champlain, 2009.

That's okay, though.  Things change; circumstance, health, ideals, opinions, perferences--they all change over time.  It's better to change, in my opinion, than hold steadfastly to the norm that is keeping me stuck, stifling me.

Which are you, country or city?  Have you always been?  Have you changed your preference over the years? 

Coming Out of Your Shell Part 3

Hey there.  Here's the third video on coming out of your shell.  Hope you like it.  Take care.

Coming Out of Your Shell Part 2: Work

Hey there!  This is the second of three videos on coming out of your shell.  It's on work.  Do you feel out of place at work, shy around your supervisor or co-workers?  If so, this is for you.  I offer tips on how to come out of your shell at work.  I hope you find this video helpful.  Take care.

L.I.F.E.

Hi all!  I've been thinking of what great qualities I value in life and came up with these.  Here's the acronym for you:

L=Listen:  How many times to you sit quietly and just listen to your body?  Do you know what it really needs?  Does it need sleep?  Exercise?  A vacation?  A check up?  And, do you take the time to really listen to those in your life--their views, concerns, who they really are, and what they really want from you and their lives?  Or, do you concentrate more on what they can do for you?  We can learn so much from having the patience to listen instead of jumping in to counter someone else's view or cutting off someone to show that we "are more superior" than they are.  Finally, do you listen to your surroundings?  Are you aware that the birds are singing outside?  Do you stop to notice kids squealing with laughter as they play in the park near your apartment building?  Listen, learn, and love yourself, others and the world around you.

I=Inspire:  To inspire is to make someone want to do something or feel something.  Inspire to be inspiring!  What a wonderful gift it is to hear that you are an inspiration to someone.  But, you may wonder how to go about being inspiring.  A good way to start is to live your life naturally.  Be real.  Live your true life every day; one in which you are authentic, kind, giving, forgiving, strong, and motivating toward yourself and others.  You may face a chronic illness with humor and determination.  Or, you may write songs, books, or short stories that cut right to the heart of what others are going through, helping them cope.  You may also be the person in the neighborhood who is always ready with a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, an ear to listen, or a funny story to cheer others up.  Inspiration is different for all of us.  Be the difference--make a difference.

F=Forgive:  It can be very easy to hold onto grudges, past hurts, and misunderstandings.  But by doing this, we risk emotional and physical pain.  Refusing to let go of these feelings is not good for our health, no matter how much we try to justify it.  It festers and gets blown way out of proportion.  It serves no real purpose.  Forgiveness, on the other hand, frees us from the burden of keeping all the anger, resentment, fear, and pain inside.  It allows us to heal the wounds caused by the dispute and move on.  Make an effort to personally forgive those who have hurt you.  If traveling to meet with them is not possible, write them a heart-felt, honest letter.  If they have passed on or you don't know how to reach them, still write the letter and keep it in your journal or somewhere else that is private.  There is no need to share it with anyone.  This is between you and those who have hurt you alone.

E=Explore:  If there is one thing that I wish I'd done through the years it's to have explored more often.  I spent my childhood pretty much afraid of getting hurt and trying new things.  I didn't like going places on my own, or joining in activities with other kids.  I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it; that I wouldn't fit in.  Well, then Jim came along.  He loves to explore!  We have traveled all over the country and the world, experiencing things I never thought I'd ever see or be a part of.  We made that move across the country that I have talked about before, gotten involved in community, and made many good friends.  Although I still like my alone time and I've become quite the homebody, I have learned, changed, and grown a lot over the past 20 or so years.  Never give up a chance to explore your world.  It could be your neighborhood, your city, your county, your country, or the world at large.  Whatever feels right, whatever you're curious about, set out to discover more about it.  You're apt to learn a little something new about yourself in the process.

Do you listen, inspire, forgive, and explore?  If so, how has it enriched your life?  What other qualities of life can you substitute in this L.I.F.E. acronym that apply to you?  Let me know.  Feel free to email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com or leave a comment below.  Thanks! 

.

 

Juggling Medication

For those of you who take medication, it can be a nuisance to fit them into your schedule, right?  Some interact with each other, so you have to be sure to take those hours apart, while others have to be taken with food, and still others on an empty stomach.  Then there are the meds you have to take first thing in the morning, before anything else hits your stomach.  A few medications, okay, but when you're taking 10, 20, or even 30 pills, powders and potions a day, it can get a bit frustrating, to say the least.  

My husband has gotten into the habit of asking me when I can eat.  I'm on one medication which surrounds all food to help it digest properly.  I have to take it with each meal.  The problem is that it also surrounds vitamins, minerals and other medications, too, possibly reducing their effectiveness.  So, I have to take my medications spaced apart all throughout the day, to make sure it doesn't have a run-in with that particular medication.  Such fun.  One pharmacist told me that it's bad enough when patients have to take one dose of that "surrounding" medication, let alone three per day.  They and my doctors who see my medication list tell me to do the best I can. 

How do you manage your medications?  Do you keep a journal, have a pill keeper, or commit your medication schedule to memory?  I use a pill keeper, which seems to empty out pretty quickly.  Before I know it, I'm sitting at the kitchen table filling it back up again.  It's not that big a deal, really, to fill it, but it's just that it takes time away from the things I'd rather be doing, like reading, exercising, writing my blog posts, and spending time with my husband and furbabies.  

Living your life on your own terms is important.  Don't be a prisoner to your medication schedule.  If you are feeling overwhelmed, wondering how you're possibly going to fit all your medication into your day, seek out some help.  Your pharmacist can tell you which medications may interact with each other or certain foods. You can also ask him to devise a medication schedule for you, so you're sure you're taking them properly.  

Good luck!  Keep in touch.  :-)