Interviewed on A Healing Spirit.org! Thank you Carol!

I had the honor and pleasure of being interviewed by Carol Cassara, Hypnotherapist and Healing Arts Advocate, for her blog on A Healing Spirit.org.  Please check it out.  I'd love your thoughts on the interview and encourage you to check out Carol's other posts and services to see if they are a good fit for you.  I'm a big fan of Carol's and enjoy her blog immensely.   She offers lots of insight into many different topics relating to friendship, spirituality, politics, health, lifestyle, wellness, family, and more. This is not a paid post. I'm not affiliated with Carol Cassara in any professional or commercial way other than as a fellow coach who admires her work.    

https://www.ahealingspirit.org/2018/05/17/permanent-disability/

Vlog: Marriage and Chronic Health Issues

I posted a video on my Facebook group page (Spina Bifida Support Group For Friends and Family) in which the young woman talked about marriage inequality for those with disabilities.  Benefits may get cut if the disabled person marries, so it makes it harder for those individuals to afford to get married.  

It gave me the idea to talk about other areas of marriage and chronic health issues.

First, let's back up a bit.

The people you surround yourself with--who are they?  

The friends:

• Are they supportive?
• Are they understanding
• Are they loving?
• Do they 'get' you?

That's where you're going to most likely find your spouse--among your friends.  Or maybe they aren't in your core group of friends, but they become a friend.  You may meet the person:

• at work
• at school
• at church
• at the gym
• at a community club--exercise club, wine club, etc.
• through other friends
• through family
• at a party
• at an event
• at the hospital

Make sure before you get married you talk about EVERYthing:

• Your medical problems
• Your medical costs
• Your healthcare needs
• Money, money, money, MONEY!  If there is one fight maker in a marriage, it's money.  Talk about it.  It's important!  How will you manage your money?  Will you seek the advice of a financial advisor?  Can you make it on your combined incomes?  On one income?
• Communicate your feelings regarding these issues and each other's expectations.
• What are you willing to compromise on and what are you not?
• Mutual friends, your friends, his/her friends, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends.  If you want to stay in touch with certain close friends after the marriage, then say so up front.  Be honest about the fact that you have an ex who you think the world of AS A FRIEND and you don't want to lose touch with the person.  Be honest so your future spouse doesn't start wondering if he/she will lose you to an old flame.
• Family--yours, his/hers, and your relationship with them
• Do you expect to spend a lot of time with your family after the wedding?  Do you expect your spouse to put you first before his/her birth family?
• Are there any conversations you need to have regarding how your future spouse's family treats you?
• Does his/her family approve of you, think you will be a financial burden, cherish you?  Are they really awesome?
• Does your future spouse not have a close relationship with his/her family?  Do you?  And does it make a difference?
• Does he/she treat your family badly...or fantastically?
• Does your future spouse act inconvenienced or angry when you cancel dates and plans because of health issues?  (Total red flag.  Drop the jerk and head for the hills.)
• Does the future spouse treat you with respect?
• Does he/she show interest in your health issues--curiosity, wanting to know about all sorts of things related to it, etc.?
• Does he/she seem to resent your medical bills? (Another red flag)
• Does he/she have confidence in you?  Does he/she feel that you can do anything you set your mind to?  (That's a keeper, folks!)
• Does he/she show empathy?
• Does he/she seem romantic?  Does he/she do simple, nice things for you?
• Do you talk about possible changes in your health?
• Do you talk about the future?
• Do you talk about both your dreams and his/hers?  Do they jive?
• Do you talk about taking healthy breaks from each other?  Getaways?  Weekends? Girls' nights out with friends?
• Do you talk about wanting to spend time together, just the two of you--no family, no friends, no co-workers?  How does that go over?
• Do you talk about having kids?  Can you have children?  Do you want children?  Does he/she want children?  What about adoption or surrogacy?
• Are either of you big into career advancement? 
• Do you expect to continue your education after marriage?
• What hours do you prefer to work?  What kinds of hours do you put in?
• What are your interests?
• Do you have expensive taste?  Does he/she?  Are you alike or opposite in that regard?
• Will you're future spouse put your medical needs ahead of fun stuff like cars, travel, jewelry, a big house, a vacation house?  
• Who does what chores?  Or do you share it all?
• Do you want pets?  Is he/she allergic?

Can you relate to these things?  Did you talk about them before you married?  What else can you think of that's important to talk about?  How did you decide to marry your spouse?  Has your marriage worked out?  Has talking worked out?  If so, great.  If not, what do you do differently now?

Here's the link to my other group:  Fostering Friendships Group For Individuals With Chronic Health Issues

Vlog: Crying Is Healthy

Crying is often seen as shameful or a weakness.  But, it can actually be healthy.

According to WebMD, Some psychologists say we are cheating ourselves by avoiding crying, holding it back, keeping our emotions inside.  Why?

Benefits of crying

Well, crying:

• activates the body in a healthy way
• opens us up
• releases stress
• promotes mental health
• relaxes muscles
• activates the parasympathetic nervous system (This is part of the autonomic nervous system.  Functions include sexual arousal, waste removal, digestion, and saliva stimulation.)
• regulates the body's balance

Also, emotional tears have more stress hormones than other types of tears, such as those that lubricate and those that come along when we get something in our eye.  These tears have more mood-boosting manganese.

Where should you cry?

So, where do health professionals recommend you cry?  That is a personal choice, but they generally recommend finding a quiet place to cry such as a special sanctuary, someplace in nature, or a quiet room.

If you would rather find comfort with others, cry on a loved one's shoulder or attend a crying group.  Yep, that's right, there are crying groups where you can go and cry together with a lot of other people.  While the source I used mentioned a group in Japan, you may decide to start your own crying group right in your local community.  

Whatever you do, don't give yourself a hard time for crying.  Here are tips from Psychology Today: 

• cry for yourself and others.
• cry at what sets off tears, however small or big.
• cry for as long as you see fit.  Look inside and you will know how long you need.
• look inside for the cause of the tears so you can figure out how to take action to solve it.
• if you can't cry right away due to your location (say you are in the middle of a meeting at work), set aside time later in the day to revisit your emotions.  The tears may or may not come, but that is okay.
• be kind to yourself in relation to your crying.  Don't blame yourself or poo-poo the situation.  For example, avoid saying, "I'm so weak," or "I'm crying over nothing."

Whether to cry in public is your choice.  Some professionals say it may be healthy.  Strangers are generally receptive to crying and offer comfort rather than shying away in fear.  But others say to seek a quiet, private place to shed tears.  Do whatever feels right to you.

A note of caution

If you can't get relief from or stop crying, seek help from your healthcare provider.

When I was a small child, I refused to cry when I was in pain or scared in the hospital.  The result?  A stomach ulcer at the age of three.  Yes, three.  This is serious business, folks.  If you hold your emotions in, you could face serious health consequences.  When the doctors discovered the ulcer, they told me that from then on, I should scream and cry if I was feeling bad.  I have taken their advice ever since.

So, do you cry over your health problems, pain, other people's pain, hurt feelings, disappointments, or when you are afraid?  Or do you keep everything inside?  

The Importance of Friendship--And A Thank You

A day late, but I'm here.  Today's vlog post is on the importance of friendship.  It is important to have your alone time during health crises, to think about what you need to do, to have a pity party, but you also need to recognize how important friends can be to help you through these tough times.  They love you, they care, they want to help--let them.  This post is also a thank you to those friends out there who help, support, lift up, and cheer up those of us with chronic health issues.  It is a tough job sometimes to be patient, but those of you who are and those of you who stick it out with us, Thank You!!  That is huge.  It is so important to us that you have our backs.  You are awesome.  

Do you have a story to share about when your friend was there for you during tough times healthwise?  I hope you'll let me know either by email or in the comments below.  I'd love to hear about it.  Thank you.  Take care.

Guest Blogger: Lauren (Lo) Najar

I'm pleased to welcome guest blogger, Lauren (Lo) Najar, to share her battle with cancer and how she used laughter to win that battle--twice.  

"The best thing you can do is master the chaos within you.  

You are not thrown into the fire, YOU ARE THE FIRE" – Mama Indigo

I am a cancer survivor (still sounds odd to me).  I am coming up on the five year mark (woo no more “pre-existing condition") and I couldn’t be more anxious or excited.  These anniversaries are celebrated the same, if not more, than my real birthdays.  Life began again for me on January 14th, 2013.

In May 2011, when I was 23, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  I received this news on my way to work in my car alone.  Within an hour, I was meeting with my mom’s previous oncologist, going to the clinic she once used to go through more tests.  My brother and sister met me there, who were both very upset (understandably).  My parents at this point were both deceased previously and their deaths were recent.  We couldn’t find the light at the end of the tunnel at this point.  Nothing seemed to be going right.  The only thing I wanted to do was become a hermit, answer phone calls from doctors when I had to, and the least of all was to face anyone else than my closest friends.  I couldn’t even call my family to let them know what was going on--my siblings and boyfriend did this for me.  I was the oldest in my family, and ever since my parents left, I felt the need to be in charge or to hold the house together.  My sister and I are close in age, however I still had the feeling that I needed to do this because I am the oldest.  I totally leaned on people this first weekend.  I felt so alone; no one could understand what I was going through. 

Eight months of chemo and radiation went by and I was soon in remission.  Chemo was difficult as the certain drugs gave me bad side effects, however I was able to complete it in the time table allotted.  I told my friends and family that I was free of any treatment and didn’t need anything else and we had small celebrations.  I was starting up my routine checkups and my oncologist spotted something in my lungs on one of my scans.  I was soon back going through a new round of tests as my cancer had come back.  I was sent to a new hospital, and had a new oncologist.  I was going through the same old regimen, and none of these tests were foreign to me anymore unfortunately.  My next set of treatment was going to be three rounds of chemotherapy followed by a bone marrow transplant (sounds scary right?!)  I had absolutely no idea what I was going to be going through or how these different drugs would have an effect on me.

My bone marrow transplant was the hardest part for me.  I spent three weeks in the hospital (this is a normal time frame for someone), however I was in a hospital that was not exactly local in my town.  I spent a lot of days alone as I didn’t have parents that were able to stay with me and my siblings all had jobs/school that they had to keep up as well.  Some days I wasn’t feeling well and the loneliness of it all was what I needed.  I had a lot of time to reflect and to think of what I wanted my life to be like after all is said and done.  I had an enormous support group, which some days I shut out as no one was there to answer questions for me such as “When are you coming home?,” “How are you feeling?”.  A girl can only answer those questions so many times and at times it was difficult to always keep someone in the loop.

I signed up for running races in the hospital, and planned a cancer remission party for the summer time when I was going to be healthy again.  I needed to focus on living life again.  I was so done with life being miserable, that you HAVE to make the best of it.  There isn’t an option.  Life is meant to be lived and sitting around focusing on all of the bad things in your life is the absolute worst thing you can do mentally.  I am incredibly lucky that I had such a great support group coming out of this second battle that life has been especially amazing becoming closer with friends and family.  It’s not easy making fun of your bald head, your treatments, and everything else by yourself!  (Try dancing to “I whip my hair back and forth” when you completely don’t have any…that is a good laugh J)

Everyone knows that chemo and radiation have long term effects.  On paper, I am a healthy and active 30 (!!) year old now.  I do not have any pain issues or any other issues from chemo or radiation.  However, I probably see enough doctors still to make sure that nothing is going to relapse and that all of my body parts and organs are still going to be working.  One thing that I was diagnosed with back in 2015 was Hypothyroidism.  This is the slowing of your thyroid function and likely caused by the radiation I received in 2011.  I have always been a consistent weight my entire life, even through chemotherapy.  As I was in remission, I gained ten pounds and it wasn’t because my lifestyle changed drastically or my eating habits.  I tried to up my workout regimen and started focusing more on my eating and I just wasn’t losing any weight.  This was caused by my thyroid no longer working as well as it did and it was more than 3 times the amount it should be at.  My heaviest was at 30+ pounds of my normal weight as well as my blood pressure increasing and my cholesterol was high.  With focusing more on what I eat and working out consistently as well as getting my thyroid medicine regulated, I am losing weight, but slowly.  I was never a person to worry about weight or body image, however because of this I am very self-conscious now because of the new weight gain.

The best advice that I can give from this is you need to learn to live with it.  I will not be as thin as I was before, and that is okay.  Am I healthy now?  Essentially yes.  Can I eat whatever I want like before?  No, but that is a good thing.  I need to eat better and I need to find foods that work better for my body.  I know my body now more than ever and I love how much I have learned about it.  I am thankful for this experience and now for this chronic side effect because it makes me truly watch what I eat.  I am getting older as well, and for everything that my body has endured thus far, I really need to focus on prolonging life and making sure I am trying to be as healthy as I can be (I do love chicken wings though).

There is something to be said about when life gets tough; you need to laugh.  You need to find the humor in how SILLY it is that these bad things happen.  How are these things happening to me?  You can’t dwell on it and try to make jokes either about yourself or the situation.  I did both and there was just nothing that I could have done.  All you can do is laugh and live through life! 

____

I am Lauren (Lo) Najar and I live in Chicago, IL.  I am an active person--I enjoy running races, yoga and any kind of healthy activity.  I am the founder of Laugh Always.  Laugh Always was created to inspire others on their personal journeys and to bring a community together to share their inspiration from all walks of life.

Social media links -
laughalways.net
Instagram.com/laughalwayswithlo

Facebook.com/laughalwayswithlo