Vlog: Crying Is Healthy

Crying is often seen as shameful or a weakness.  But, it can actually be healthy.

According to WebMD, Some psychologists say we are cheating ourselves by avoiding crying, holding it back, keeping our emotions inside.  Why?

Benefits of crying

Well, crying:

• activates the body in a healthy way
• opens us up
• releases stress
• promotes mental health
• relaxes muscles
• activates the parasympathetic nervous system (This is part of the autonomic nervous system.  Functions include sexual arousal, waste removal, digestion, and saliva stimulation.)
• regulates the body's balance

Also, emotional tears have more stress hormones than other types of tears, such as those that lubricate and those that come along when we get something in our eye.  These tears have more mood-boosting manganese.

Where should you cry?

So, where do health professionals recommend you cry?  That is a personal choice, but they generally recommend finding a quiet place to cry such as a special sanctuary, someplace in nature, or a quiet room.

If you would rather find comfort with others, cry on a loved one's shoulder or attend a crying group.  Yep, that's right, there are crying groups where you can go and cry together with a lot of other people.  While the source I used mentioned a group in Japan, you may decide to start your own crying group right in your local community.  

Whatever you do, don't give yourself a hard time for crying.  Here are tips from Psychology Today: 

• cry for yourself and others.
• cry at what sets off tears, however small or big.
• cry for as long as you see fit.  Look inside and you will know how long you need.
• look inside for the cause of the tears so you can figure out how to take action to solve it.
• if you can't cry right away due to your location (say you are in the middle of a meeting at work), set aside time later in the day to revisit your emotions.  The tears may or may not come, but that is okay.
• be kind to yourself in relation to your crying.  Don't blame yourself or poo-poo the situation.  For example, avoid saying, "I'm so weak," or "I'm crying over nothing."

Whether to cry in public is your choice.  Some professionals say it may be healthy.  Strangers are generally receptive to crying and offer comfort rather than shying away in fear.  But others say to seek a quiet, private place to shed tears.  Do whatever feels right to you.

A note of caution

If you can't get relief from or stop crying, seek help from your healthcare provider.

When I was a small child, I refused to cry when I was in pain or scared in the hospital.  The result?  A stomach ulcer at the age of three.  Yes, three.  This is serious business, folks.  If you hold your emotions in, you could face serious health consequences.  When the doctors discovered the ulcer, they told me that from then on, I should scream and cry if I was feeling bad.  I have taken their advice ever since.

So, do you cry over your health problems, pain, other people's pain, hurt feelings, disappointments, or when you are afraid?  Or do you keep everything inside?  

Vlog: Choosing a New Doctor

Hi!  Today's vlog is on choosing a new doctor.  I go over the reasons you might do this as well as how to go about it. 

Something that I didn't mention in the video was that you need to talk with your insurance company rep to see what doctors are covered before you make the change.  

Changing doctors can be a traumatic experience.  I remember trying to get an appointment with a foot doctor I hadn't seen in a few years only to find out he had retired.  I was devastated.  When you build a bond; when you trust a doctor, it is hard to say goodbye.

I tend to like doctors who partner with me to discuss care options, easy to talk with, remember stuff that I told them about my work and home life, are open about their home life and interests to a point, are funny/light-hearted/open, are excellent in their field, and accommodating.

Have you experienced having to change doctors?  How did you find new ones?  Let me know in the comments or shoot me an email. Thanks!

Vlog: Toxic Friends and What to Do About It.

Hello!  Here is my latest vlog post on toxic friends.  There are a lot of signs of toxicity in friendship including abuse, lying, having only one-sided conversations, excessive drinking, and trying to get you to do things that go against your values.  It is up to you to decide whether to give such a friend a second...or third or fourth...chance or say goodbye.  It is important to watch for these and other signs of toxicity and try to remedy the situation before it causes you physical pain, stress, and illness.  

Do you have, or have you had, toxic friends?  How have you dealt with the situations you've been in with such friends?  Are they still your friends, or have you moved on?  Let me know in the comments, or you can email me.  

I also want to let you know that I'm now posting a blog post on Mondays and a vlog post on Wednesdays.  I have been quite busy lately, so I stopped blogging on Fridays for now, until my Identity perception program is finished, sometime in the next month or so.  Take care, and I'll catch you back here again on Monday.  Have a great weekend!

Chronic Health Issues and Dating: Things to Consider

Jim and me in 1987

Dating can be nerve racking, to begin with. Add chronic health issues into the mix and, oh boy!  It gets even more stressful.  It can also be taxing to those who are dating you too. Share this post with your date if you feel comfortable doing so. 

Here are some things to consider on both sides:

You

• You need to make sure that your symptoms are manageable before you start dating.
• Find support:  Surround yourself with good friends and supportive family before you even think of starting to date.  You'll need these people to help you handle rejection and also celebrate the good times.  You could even practice talking about your health issues with these supporters so it won't be so difficult to tell your date when the time comes.

• You are a person with thoughts, feelings, hobbies, dreams, ambitions, and interests.  You are more than your health issues.
• Are you using your chronic health issues as an excuse to avoid going on a date?
• Don't look for a person who will coddle and protect you:  The best person will be caring, concerned and interested in you, but will not constantly run to "save" you or do everything for you.
• Don't settle for a particular person just because he asked you out, thinking you'll never find anyone else.  
• Look for a date or potential partner who is dependable, respectful, reliable, and supportive.  You could also use someone who makes you laugh through the tough times too.  It all depends on your personality.
• Concentrate on what you can do, instead of what you cannot do.
• Look out for duds:  These people aren't just unappealing because of surface attributes like looks, an annoying laugh, or body odor, they can be downright dangerous with their fetish for sexually assaulting or otherwise harming a person with a disability.  Let your gut rule with these ominous creatures.
• Discuss your chronic health issues when you are ready:  Be honest and open about them, but don't rush it.  Talk about them over time to avoid information overload.  And don't make it all about you.  Ask your date questions about himself and how he feels also to keep the conversation balanced.  Be ready to let your date know what the illness or issue is, if there's a cure, the symptoms you experience, how you cope with the problems, and any other information you feel comfortable sharing.  Keep things simple and straight forward.  
• If he rejects you, keeps making excuses for not calling or showing up, or avoids you, move on.

Both You and Your Date

• Communicate!:  This is a huge one, folks.  Be honest about health issues, problems, fears, worries, questions, concerns birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, and the like.
• Don't make assumptions:  a.  that he won't date you because he's an athlete and you are absolutely not athletic by any stretch of the imagination, b. that she is broken just because she has health issues or c. that either of you needs to be with someone more like yourself physically.
• Don't be afraid to dance, explore nature, or travel:  There are many accessible parks, buildings and the like.  If you use a wheelchair, try out wheelchair dancing.  It can be great exercise and lots of fun.
• Give the person credit:  Both you and your date need to give each other credit for giving this dating thing a shot under unusual circumstances.
• Be willing to make changes in plans/cancel dates:  Even though it's frustrating, you will both get used to looking into the accessibility of a certain area or venue before making concrete plans to take in events and activities there.  (Examples:  curbs, stairs, adequate parking, elevators, rough ground, wheel chair accessible attractions and accommodations, and so on)  Be ready to deal with the possibility of canceled dates as well.
• Stay away from judgmental people:  Nobody needs that hassle.
• Concentrate on your similarities with the each other rather than your differences, unless those differences are so glaringly obvious and intrusive that you can't ignore them.  Then, deal with them in a sensitive and responsible way to try to remedy the situation.
• Go with your gut:  This is a great way to tell if you are in over your head or dating the wrong person.  
• Be yourself:  The more you are like yourself and comfortable in your own skin the more you are apt to attract people who are a good match.  

Places to Find Potential Dates

Be cautious with any new situation, including Internet dating.  If it feels right, go for it.  If it does it, back away.

• Local clubs and organizations
• At events where you volunteer
• At work
• At church
• MeetUp.com
• Special Bridge
• Match.com
• OkCupid

Believe me, if you can handle chronic health issues, you can handle dating.  Stick with it, have confidence in yourself, go with your gut, and have fun.  

Taking Proactive Steps to Reduce Stress

I've no doubt mentioned before that I don't like to drive.  Well, I had a doctor's appointment today with a doctor I only see once a year, so I always have to refamiliarize myself with the route to his office.  His office is located at a very busy intersection, and I'm always nervous that I'll get into a fender bender on the way there.  But I was tired of being afraid.  Tired of worrying.  So, I decided to scope out other routes to his office.  It occurred to me that it was a particularly difficult left-hand turn followed by the need for an immediate lane change in order to turn right into the office parking lot in time, that always gave me fits.  

I remember talking with my sister-in-law about driving years ago, and she said that it doesn't matter how you get there, as long as you arrive safely.  So, I started thinking of creatives ways to get to the office without making those tricky maneuvers.  And, it came to me that I have no problem driving to another doctor's office located a mile or so down the same street from the office I was headed to today.  So, instead of making that pesky left-hand turn, I drove straight through the intersection down to the left-hand turn I felt comfortable with, made the right turn into the other doctor's office parking lot, meandered around the lot to the exit, drove to the pesky intersection, hitting it from the other direction, took a right and another right into the parking lot, and, viola, I made it without incident.  

Now that I've discovered a more stress-free way to get to the doctor's office, I won't feel so crazed the next time.

What activity stresses you out every time you have to do it?  Do you get overly nervous before a doctor's appointment?  Do you freak out when confronted with anything unfamiliar?  If so, take a step back, relax, and brainstorm ways you can tackle the problem and make the situation much less stressful.  What bothers you most?  What adjustments could you make that would ease the stress?  Who could you ask for help?  Good luck!

I would love to hear how you help avoid, or at least diffuse, stressful situations.  Email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com or post a comment below.  Thanks!  Have a great weekend.  

Using My Imagination to Cope

Did you ever make up an imaginary world to "live" in to help you cope with health issues or other problems as a child?

I did.  

From the time I was about nine years old, I lived in a fantasy world of my own making as much as I possibly could.  My bedroom was my sanctuary.  There, I entered a world where I was healthy, strong, popular, and happy.  In it, I was an actress, singer, writer, and artist.  I made movies, I sang on a television music program, I went on tour around the world, met celebrities. I walked with my imaginary friends throughout the family farm where I grew up, taking them on wild adventures and showing them my favorite hideouts. I took some of my fantasy world friends to school with me at times as well, and as soon as I got home, I'd scoot up to my sanctuary again until it was time to join the family for supper.  It never interfered with chores or homework.  I studied like crazy all through school.  Later, I married, had children, got divorced, remarried in my fantasy world.  Then I retired at the ripe old age of 24 when I, myself got married for real.  I still visited my fantasy world off and on for many years after "retirement," when a particularly challenging health issue came up.  But today I rarely venture there.  

I remember, several years ago, I was talking with a psychologist and the subject of my fantasy world came up.  The doctor said that I had chosen a very healthy way of dealing with the stress related to my health issues.  When I ventured into my fantasy world all those years ago, I had no idea I was actually providing myself with my own brand of therapy.  But it worked.  Along with my family, medical team, special friends, music, art, and writing, my fantasy world helped me cope through some of the most difficult times of my life.  I'm thankful that my nine-year-old mind came up with the idea and that I stuck with it for as long as I did.  

So, have you ever done anything like that?  If not, what did you do to help you cope during tough times during childhood or otherwise?  

• --------

I will be on vacation for the next few weeks.  I promised my husband I wouldn't work during our time off.  I will see you back here the first week of June.  Be well.  Take care.  

When Those Little Things Add Up

If some little thing happens you're not apt to think much of it, right?  But what if one little thing after another little thing, after another, and another happens?  Do you tend to freak out a bit?  You're not alone.  At one point I had the following going on in my life:

• A blister on my foot
• An ornery knee
• An altered exercise routine
• A cat with allergies
• A husband with allergies
• Trouble sleeping
• Pesky cravings 

None were that challenging to deal with individually, but add them up and, yep, not happy.

 But, like it or not, life happens.  Sometimes those little things just build up and up and up and you just have to take a breath and back away a bit. You're okay.  These frustrating things will pass. LIfe will improve. 

So, what did I do to defuse the situation?  .

Blister:  I went to the doctor--a few times.  This wasn't just a tiny bit of skin knocked off the side of my foot.  It was a big black blister courtesy of some new shoes.  I always wear Band-aids on areas of my feet that are susceptible to blistering for awhile when I'm breaking in new shoes.  This time that apparently wasn't enough.  The shoes I'd gotten where slightly narrower than my usual pickings, and I paid for it big time.  The wound wasn't infected--yet.  That developed a bit later, but it began to heal, slowly.

Knee:  I used ice and heat on it, plus massage.  That worked out well.  The pain was pretty much gone by the time I saw the doctor.  I'd had knee issues for years, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay.  In the past I'd hyperextended it while walking down a steep hill on vacation in Gibraltar.  It didn't respond well to physical therapy or surgery, but within a month of starting to workout with a trainer in 2007 (6 years after the injury), I had no pain.    I was sold on exercise after that, let me tell ya.  

Exercise:  At first I backed off from exercise to give my blister time to heal, even though the doctor hadn't suggested limiting my activity.  The bandage was a bit thick to start with, so my shoes (the old, ratty ones I had attempted to replace with the narrow ones) felt kind of tight.  I didn't want to make things worse.  After a little break, I began exercising at home to DVDs.  I didn't feel comfortable enough to walk outside.  I didn't want to get a few blocks away and have my foot start hurting.  Anyway, I'd just gotten to the point where I was walking more freely, when I started having spasms in m knee that traveled down into my lower leg.  Lovely.  Couched again.  I was still able to do upper body exercises, though.

Allergies:  We brought the cat to the vet, who put her on children's allergy medication.  We have an enclosed outdoor yard for the cats so they can run around in the grass in safety, and the vet said she could go outside UNLESS she got worse by doing so.  Well, guess what:  She got worse.  So she looked at us in misery as if to say, "What did I do wrong?"  Poor girl.  The allergies are still bothering her.  Back to the vet we go.  As for Jim, my hubby, he got the worse case of seasonal allergies he's ever gotten this year, and a chest cold on top of that.  Over-the-counter medication, a lot of coughing and sneezing, and reminders from me to drink plenty of fluids and get enough sleep--it went on for weeks, but he finally kicked it. 

Sleeping:  I've been having sleep issues for quite some time due to menopause.  It could also be hereditary.  I was doing well if I had six hours sleep, that's how bad it was.  Some nights I didn't sleep at all--literally.  But I finally found the answer--reading.  I read from 30 minutes to 2 hours a night--depending on how interesting the book is.  The more boring the topic, the faster I go to sleep.  Problem solved!  

Cravings:  I love chocolate.  If it's in the house, I hunt it down and eat it.  Since hitting menopause, my craving for chocolate has increased 10-fold, I kid you not.  It's crazy!  I'm a personal trainer, I live a healthy lifestyle, and I enjoy eating healthfully.  But with menopause, all bets are off.  Luckily this has improved over the last few years.  It does get better.  In the meantime, I keep healthy snacks available, give myself a bit of chocolate, don't punish myself if I have more chocolate than I should, and use exercise to keep my stress level down.  

Do your best to find solutions to those little nuisances that get on your nerves.  Some problems might take longer to resolve than others, but work on them bit by bit.  It's better than letting them fester unchecked.  Good luck!

Do you have an experience of little things adding up that you'd like to share?  What did you do to remedy the situation?  I'd love to hear from you.  Email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com.  Thanks!