But what if you are living alone in a small town and want to travel the world? Or, you're tired of living in a loveless marriage but you have no idea how to live on your own? Or, you have grown up surrounded by wealth, servants, wanting for nothing-- except a normal life with a normal house, and chores and real friends who don't just like you because you have a lot of money? Or, you and your spouse have dreams of quitting your jobs in the city and moving the family to a remote outpost to become self-sufficient?
What if you've tried everything and life still leaves you feeling flat and miserable? What then? How would you be able to change it? What steps would you need to take to prepare for this change?
You must plan ahead. Do not make rash decisions. As much as you would like to change your life RIGHT NOW, it will not happen. You need to figure some stuff out first:
- Do you really, really want to leave? Is the situation so bad that it can't be fixed by discussion, changing attitudes, moving to a different house in the area, letting go of a toxic friend, changing jobs locally, getting involved in the community, meeting new people locally, counseling, and other means of resolution? Or, is your heart set on this awesome, beautiful, amazing chance to live and work on the other side of the world; do you ache to study art in Paris; does your heart sing when you think moving from a small town to the big city or vice versa to experience a whole new way of life and culture--a new you? If the answer is yes, then, consider:
- How will you tell your family and friends? Your wants, needs, desires, and dreams, may not be remotely the same as those of your family and friends. How do you tell those closest to you that you've decided to totally change your life, move away, and go on this amazing adventure? Well, remember, this is your life. You can do anything you set your mind to. As long as you think it out and don't do something illegal or totally irresponsible, you're good. You can do this. You're an adult. It's your decision. But, if you expect the spouse and the kids to come along with you on this magical mystery adventure of yours, you'd better get ready to explain it and make it look really good. REALLY good. Be ready to answer the difficult questions: Why should we uproot the family to do this? How will we make a living? What about the kids' schooling; their friends, our friends, our families? On and on.
- Can you make it on your own? If you're planning to divorce, are you willing or able to do the things your spouse currently does for you and the family? Do you get jumpy while in the house alone or do you love being alone? Where will you live? If you have health/mobility issues, do you need modified accommodations (wheel chair accessible, no stairs, modified counters/appliances and the like)? Will you know what to do when an appliance, car or other machinery breaks down? Where will you work? What jobs are available in the new area? Are you comfortable doing your taxes or paying someone else to do them? What health care services are available in the area you want to move to? Are they adequate? Can you drive? What's the public transportation system like where you want to move to? What other services are provided in the new location? If you move your family into the wilds, are you willing to hunt/gather and prepare your own food? Do you know anyone who can help you settle into the new area? Are you willing and able to be self-sufficient, or are you comfortable getting out and about to meet new people and developing a strong support system? Are you prepared to trade the "good life" for a life you think will be better? Are you willing to trade what is not so great, but it's okay-- it's routine and what you've always known--for the unknown that you think will be so much better?
- How will you pay for this major change? Unless you have a lot of money of your own stashed away, you will have to save up for any big adventure. That's what it is. It's an adventure--whether the journey you're undertaking turns out good or bad--and you need to be prepared to support yourself, and any dependents who join you. If you have health issues, you definitely have to look into the availability of jobs that fit your abilities and health maintenance schedule, financial assistance, and health insurance options.
- What legal stuff do you need to know? If you're planning on leaving a spouse, make sure that you get legal counsel. Find out what the laws are specific to where you live regarding asset division, child custody, spousal support and any other matters specific to your situation. Review your assets, debts, and whose name they're in. Know what assets you have and the laws regarding division of those assets. What are the laws in the cities, states, or countries you plan to move to? What seems totally reasonable to the locals may seem outrageous, or at least weird, to you.
- What else do you need to make this new life happen? If you're moving across the state, the country, the world; if you're moving from the city to the country, the country to the city; if you're moving from a penthouse in New York City to a hut in Africa, you need to figure out what you can and cannot bring with you; what you do and do not need. Have a huge clear out, getting rid of anything you don't need or want to take with you. And ask yourself, Can I actually live in this new place safely, affordably, and happily long-term?
Change is good, but make sure you think things out before going through with it. Make sure it really is something you want and need to do. Whether it is a positive move or not, you will experience bumps in the road. Know you can handle them, and enjoy the ride.
Please note, this post wasn't written with abuse/neglect in mind. If you are in a violent relationship, seek help immediately to get out of that relationship from trusted friends and family, local agencies and authorities.
Good luck.
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