Vlog: Time Management Tips

Sorry about the background noise in the video, first of all.  It came through more than I had hoped.  

Do you have a problem managing your time?

Do you try to juggle work, school, family obligations, exercising, chores, meal planning, healthy eating, medication schedules, doctor appointments, surgeries scheduling, therapy sessions, pet care....on and on and on?

Stop.

Try these tips for taking the mystery and the headaches out of time management:

• Make a list of the things you must do.
• Make a list of the things you'd like to do.
• Get a big calendar or use Google Calendar--any calendar will do, really.  I just like big calendars.  :-)
• Put these "must do's" on the calendar.
• Next, go to your list of things you would like to do and fit them in around the "must do's."

Okay, now that you've done that, you may be thinking, "I still don't know if I can do this."  Seek help.

-Seek out help from your family:

• delegate some tasks to your spouse, parent, child, or other family members living in the home
• ask for rides to doctor's appointments, job interviews, concert venues, and the like
• ask for help to figure out how you can actually make your plans happen

-Seek out help from your boss:

• see if your work schedule can be rearranged to better accommodate your health maintenance needs
• see if you could delegate some responsibilities if you feel overwhelmed
• ask for accountability if you are having a hard time getting motivated to tackle a project

-Seek out help from the medical community:

• get a medication schedule from your pharmacist
• ask your doctor what you can and can't do as far as exercise goes
• ask for ways to be more efficient.  Are you doing things you don't have to do?  
• ask for accountability for the things that you must do

-Seek out help from friends:

• ask if they would be willing to drive you to an interview or doctor's appointment
• ask if they would be willing to act as your sounding board
• ask if they would comfort you
• ask if they would be willing to help you make your dreams come true 
• ask if they would be willing to take on tasks 
• ask if they would be willing to take on some tasks that are bogging you down
• ask for accountability for the things you really want to do for fun or to lose weight

-Seek out help from teachers:

• see if you can possibly do an assignment differently that you're struggling with
• see if you can get extra help from a tutor
• see if you can possibly change your schedule, take different classes
• see if you can be held accountable for a specific assignment by the teacher

-Cut out things you don't need to do

• you may tend to overload yourself with unnecessary expectations

-Spend less time online

-Find APPS that keep you accountable

• Smarter Time
• MyEffectiveness
• aTimeLogger

-Join accountability groups online or locally

My big thing is lists.  I make lists for everything--work, travel, meals, activities, you name it.  Also, my husband, Jim, helps me a lot at home so I can concentrate on my health maintenance and coaching.

Medical appointments are a given.  I hardly ever miss one.  I make time for them, always.  

The areas I'm working on the most are fitting in exercise and also scheduling meals.  Scheduling meals is a tough one because both our schedules are pretty hectic, but it is extremely important to do so because my medication is tied to food.  Either I have to take meds with or without food.  

What are your biggest time management issues?  

Vlog: Taking Responsibility

Taking responsibility

• makes that negative voice in your head back off.
• by concentrating on what you want to do, spending time productively on meeting your goals, and doing what you love squashes that negativity.

How to take responsibility for your life

• Realize that you are responsible for your choices.
• You decide how to react to a given situation.  Make it into a nightmare or make it into a learning experience--it's your choice.
• Stop making excuses.
• Realize no one can live your life for you. 

You are in charge of your life.  You made those choices, you said and did those things. Own up to them.

Examples: 

• If you want to lose weight, eat healthily and exercise regularly.
• If you want to travel, save up money for it and do it.
• If you want to go to school, live independently, get that job, then do what is required in order for that to happen.  

Look to see what is stopping you.  

Look to see what you need to change in order to make your dreams happen.  

• Maybe you need to do some introspection.
• Maybe you need to go with your gut.
• Find the source of that block that keeps you from taking responsibility.  
• Find out what keeps you from following your gut and doing what you want.

You can!

It might take time to fulfill your dreams and goals, but that is okay.  Take your time.  Spend energy on those positive goals instead of the excuses why you can't.  Thoughts become things.  The more time you spend thinking up excuses for why you can't do things, the harder it will be to shake that habit and get what you really want.  

You can do anything you set your mind to!  You can!  Think you can. Think you will succeed.  In business, in health, in weight loss, in travel, in friendship, in independent living, in relationships...in any part of your life.  

Then plan it out and take action to get it.

Are you ready?  Yes, you are.  

Vlog: Personality Tests

Hi!  I love taking personality tests to see what the results are.  They are usually pretty spot on, or just a bit off.  

Here are three that I've taken:

Myers-Briggs:  https://www.mbtionline.com.  You can take this assessment.  It takes about 15 minutes and has 93 questions.  It costs $49.95 to get started.  You can download your personality type summary report.  The assessment helps you identify your preferred way of doing things in four areas:

• directing and receiving energy
• taking in information
• making decisions
• approaching the outside world

It helps you have a better idea of what makes you tick and how that affects all areas of your life.  How you communicate, your career, relationships, decision-making--personality has a part in it.  Knowing your personality can help you navigate your world more effectively and make better choices.  You may also be able to tweak the areas that aren't to your liking.

There are 16 personality types.  My Myers-Briggs personality is INFJ, which is the rarest type.  It stands for:

• Introverted:  Reserved and quiet.  Limited social interactions.
• Intuition:  Focusing on the big picture.
• Feeling:  Going with your gut.
• Judging:  Prefer planning and early decision-making to last minute decisions.

Enneagram:  https://www.enneagraminstitute.com  (test code required costs $12)  and http://www.9types.com/rheti/index.php (free)

There are nine distinct personality types.  Each number on the enneagram stands for a type.  You might see a bit of yourself in each type but there usually is a dominant one in each of us.  There are also Wings which branch off from the main personality.  

The Nine personality types are:

• The Reformer
• The Helper
• The Achiever
• The Individualist
• The Investor
• The Loyalist
• The Challenger
• The Peacemaker

I am The Enthusiast.  I'll take it!  I thought for sure I would get The Helper since I've always wanted to help people, but it was not the way this one turned out.

Gretchen Rubin's The Four Tendencies Quiz:  https://www.surveygizmo.com/s3/3706759/Gretchen-Rubin-s-Quiz-The-Four-Tendencies

This quiz helps you determine if you are an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel.

Upholders:  Meet inner and outer expectations

Questioners:  Meet inner expectations, Resist outer expections

Obligers:  Meet outer expectations, resist inner expections

Rebels:  Resist inner and outer expections

Knowing which personality you are can help you understand your own behaviors and preferences and those of the people around you.  

I am an Obliger with a smidgeon of Questioner.  And if I oblige, oblige, oblige and get stonewalls or put off one too many times, I become an Obliger-Rebel.  My husband is a Questioner with a smidgeon of Oobliger in him and he considers himself a bit of a Rebel, too.  So, we have all the same tendencies, but a different one is the dominant one for each of us.

Are you game to take any of these personality tests?  Have you done so in the past?  If you have, were you surprised at the results, or were they pretty spot-on?  How has your personality helped or hindered you in regards to managing your chronic health issues, and making friends?  

Feel free to share your results in the comments below, or email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com.  

Vlog: Marriage and Chronic Health Issues

I posted a video on my Facebook group page (Spina Bifida Support Group For Friends and Family) in which the young woman talked about marriage inequality for those with disabilities.  Benefits may get cut if the disabled person marries, so it makes it harder for those individuals to afford to get married.  

It gave me the idea to talk about other areas of marriage and chronic health issues.

First, let's back up a bit.

The people you surround yourself with--who are they?  

The friends:

• Are they supportive?
• Are they understanding
• Are they loving?
• Do they 'get' you?

That's where you're going to most likely find your spouse--among your friends.  Or maybe they aren't in your core group of friends, but they become a friend.  You may meet the person:

• at work
• at school
• at church
• at the gym
• at a community club--exercise club, wine club, etc.
• through other friends
• through family
• at a party
• at an event
• at the hospital

Make sure before you get married you talk about EVERYthing:

• Your medical problems
• Your medical costs
• Your healthcare needs
• Money, money, money, MONEY!  If there is one fight maker in a marriage, it's money.  Talk about it.  It's important!  How will you manage your money?  Will you seek the advice of a financial advisor?  Can you make it on your combined incomes?  On one income?
• Communicate your feelings regarding these issues and each other's expectations.
• What are you willing to compromise on and what are you not?
• Mutual friends, your friends, his/her friends, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends.  If you want to stay in touch with certain close friends after the marriage, then say so up front.  Be honest about the fact that you have an ex who you think the world of AS A FRIEND and you don't want to lose touch with the person.  Be honest so your future spouse doesn't start wondering if he/she will lose you to an old flame.
• Family--yours, his/hers, and your relationship with them
• Do you expect to spend a lot of time with your family after the wedding?  Do you expect your spouse to put you first before his/her birth family?
• Are there any conversations you need to have regarding how your future spouse's family treats you?
• Does his/her family approve of you, think you will be a financial burden, cherish you?  Are they really awesome?
• Does your future spouse not have a close relationship with his/her family?  Do you?  And does it make a difference?
• Does he/she treat your family badly...or fantastically?
• Does your future spouse act inconvenienced or angry when you cancel dates and plans because of health issues?  (Total red flag.  Drop the jerk and head for the hills.)
• Does the future spouse treat you with respect?
• Does he/she show interest in your health issues--curiosity, wanting to know about all sorts of things related to it, etc.?
• Does he/she seem to resent your medical bills? (Another red flag)
• Does he/she have confidence in you?  Does he/she feel that you can do anything you set your mind to?  (That's a keeper, folks!)
• Does he/she show empathy?
• Does he/she seem romantic?  Does he/she do simple, nice things for you?
• Do you talk about possible changes in your health?
• Do you talk about the future?
• Do you talk about both your dreams and his/hers?  Do they jive?
• Do you talk about taking healthy breaks from each other?  Getaways?  Weekends? Girls' nights out with friends?
• Do you talk about wanting to spend time together, just the two of you--no family, no friends, no co-workers?  How does that go over?
• Do you talk about having kids?  Can you have children?  Do you want children?  Does he/she want children?  What about adoption or surrogacy?
• Are either of you big into career advancement? 
• Do you expect to continue your education after marriage?
• What hours do you prefer to work?  What kinds of hours do you put in?
• What are your interests?
• Do you have expensive taste?  Does he/she?  Are you alike or opposite in that regard?
• Will you're future spouse put your medical needs ahead of fun stuff like cars, travel, jewelry, a big house, a vacation house?  
• Who does what chores?  Or do you share it all?
• Do you want pets?  Is he/she allergic?

Can you relate to these things?  Did you talk about them before you married?  What else can you think of that's important to talk about?  How did you decide to marry your spouse?  Has your marriage worked out?  Has talking worked out?  If so, great.  If not, what do you do differently now?

Here's the link to my other group:  Fostering Friendships Group For Individuals With Chronic Health Issues

Vlog: Student Walkout: What Are You Passionate About?

Today was the nationwide student walkout to protest gun violence.  Whatever your opinion of guns, gun laws, or the protests, the student had a right to do it.  And, I personally thought it was pretty cool to see so many young people exercising their first amendment rights.

Did their actions inspire you to take action to try to change laws and attitudes about something you're passionate about?  Did it inspire you to join the students' movement?  Or, another associated with chronic health issues or disabilities, such as universal access to public places, universal health care, or equal opportunities in education or the workplace?  Do you think protests like these do any good?

Did it make you angry?  Or, are you indifferent to it? 

Let me know your thoughts, opinions, ideas.  Thanks!  Take care.

Vlog: Reacting Out of Fear

• Do you avoid doing things like trying a new activity or traveling?
• Do you lash out at friends and relatives?
• Do you avoid going out in public or hanging out with friends?
• Do you think of everything that could go wrong?

Why?

Is it that you are afraid?  And, if so, what are you afraid of?

• That you will look foolish?
• That you will make a mistake?
• That you will get hurt?
• That your parents or spouse--your rock, your primary sources of support--will die?
• That you will never have any friends?
• That your spouse will leave you because he/she is tired of the medical bills and health crises?
• That you can't keep up with others?
• That your parents will give up on you?  Not let you try anything else because you failed?  So you won't even try.
• That you'll lose a friend over your disabilities?  Your friends will get tired of you?
• That your surgery won't go well?
• That you will die from your health problems?

I get it.  I've been there.  It's a desperate feeling.  

So, what can you do about it?

• Be honest with yourself
• Communicate your concerns to others

Be honest about what you feel and why.  Why are you lashing out?  Why are you concerned that you'll never have friends?  Then act to solve the problems, ease the stress, and calm down.  You can do that by communicating with those people who are associated with that feeling of fear.  You may also consider consulting your health care provider if your fear is getting in the way of your living your life, going about your daily routine. 

Do you react out of fear?  Have you been able to reduce those fears?  If so, how?  If not, try the suggestions above.  And, let me know how it goes.  Thanks.  Take care.

Vlog: Let Your Child Do, Be, Explore

No matter what health issues your child deals with, he/she can do something.  SOMEthing!

I remember when my niece was very young, someone was trying to help her do something and she said, "No, me do!"  I cheered!  Yes, yes, yes!  Let your child do what she can on her own.  

Find what he can do and let him do it.  Let him shine!

Stay nearby, but let her walk or wheel on her own.  

Let her fold laundry.

Let him go to the grocery store as he gets older and help you decide what to buy for food that week; how to budget; how to compare prices; and so on.   

Let her have parties, and go to parties.  Get educated about what the situation is, and get prepared.  Where is the party?  Do you know the parents?  Who is chaperoning?  What will your child need to bring?  Then let her go for it!

School trips.  I went on a few school trips, but the first one alone without my mom was when I was a junior in high school.  I was too nervous and self-conscious to go before and no one pushed me to.  I was loved, no question, but I was sheltered as a kid but I didn't push back.  I made the mistake of not insisting that my family to let me do what I could do.

Sleepovers.  I had two when I was in third grade, with the same girl, at my parents' house. Again, get educated as to the circumstances, be prepared, and let your child go for it.  She may have problems, but let her try it.  Figure out what worked and didn't work this time, and adjust accordingly for next time.  

As your child gets older, teach him how to pump gas.  He may have a vehicle one day, and if he can possibly learn to fill his own car with gas, let him.  Basic maintenance, too!  

Let your child do as much as possible on her own, whether she has chronic health issues or not.  It will build confidence.  Try it from Day 1, so your child can better handle life without you.  

If your child can't possibly manage parties, budgeting, school trips, and the like, find a facility in your area that provides socialization and perhaps basic skills training.  Providing socialization opportunities for your child is so important.  Learning to deal with a variety of locations, people, situations, and so on, will help him grow up to be a more centered, balanced human being.  

Vlog: Dream, Imagine, Believe, Achieve

Happy Monday!  I hope your week is starting out well.

Today, I'd like to talk about my motto:  Dream, Imagine, Believe, Achieve.  

"Dream" is defined as, "something that you have wanted very much to do, be, or have for a long time;" or "a strong desire or purpose."  

That's one of my jobs as a coach--to help you make those dreams a reality.  Or close to it; as close as you possibly can come to that dream.  You may have to make some adjustments in your dream depending on your abilities or the nature of your chronic health issues, but you still can do a version of your dream.  Yes you can!  Is there something you've wanted to do, be or have for a very long time?  What is it?  If you can dream it, you can do it!  That's what Walt Disney said.  I'm here to help you make that dream come true.

"Imagine" is defined as, "to form a mental image of something not present."

Now, imagine that this dream is actually happening.  You're making a mental picture of exactly what you want to be doing.  You're doing it!  You're right there.  What will happen?  How does it feel?  What does it look like?  Who's there with you?  Dream it, then imagine it.  I can help you with that as well.  Imagine that you're actually there, doing what you'd love to do, being at the places you'd love to be, accomplishing the things that you'd love to accomplish.

"Believe" is defined as, "to accept or regard something as true."

You've got that image in your head of what you want to do.  Now, believe you can do it. Yes, believe you can do it.  And, I'm also here to help you in that endeavor--to believe in yourself.  Only you can do it, but I'm here to be your cheerleader, I'm here to be a part of your support system, that person who believes in you.  Now, you have to learn to believe in yourself.

"Achieve" is defined as, "to get or reach something by working hard, to become successful, to reach a goal."

You've made it!  You've reached your goal.  You've succeeded.  How would that sound to you?  How would that feel to you?  To have somebody say--to have me say--in our sessions, "You did it!  You're here!  You've made it!"  That can happen.  And I would love to be able to say that to you.  In order to achieve these things, these goals and dreams, you need to take action.  You can't just sit there and say that you want something or that you wish something would happen.  You need to take that action.  You can dream, of course; dreams are wonderful.  I did a lot of dreaming when I was younger, and still have some dreams.  But, in order to make them reality, you have to take that action.  

So, what do you have to do?  It's a lot of hard work, it could be a steep road ahead to make those dreams come true, but you have it in you.  I am a chronic health issues coach.  If you have chronic health issues, you are tough.  You know what it's like to work hard, because you have to work hard every day to even get out of bed in the morning, perhaps, and do the things you need to do to stay mobile, to stay healthy.  It can be very difficult.  If you can handle that, you can handle making your dreams come true.  Because they're awesome things that you want to do!    

So, set out to do anything that you need to do to make it happen.  As long as it's safe; as long as you've done your research; you're doing something that isn't dangerous for you.  It could be risky, but as long as it's not dangerous, it's worth going for--as long as you do the homework, as long as you do that research, as long as you can do this, and do it properly and safely, there's nothing you can't do.  You may have to make some adjustments here and there, but really, if you can dream it, you really can do it.  I fully believe that.

So, that's what I'm here for.  I'm here to guide you as you go for those dreams, and do the best that you can to make them happen--or something close to it.  I've talked about this before.  Say you want to be a basketball player, but you use a wheelchair.  You can still play wheelchair basketball.  So, go for that.  There are all sorts of things you can do, and I'm here to help you, or as close to it as you can.  They say, "Close, but no cigar?"  Well, you don't need that cigar.  Close is good!  If you can't do something exactly the way you want to do it, you can still do a form of it.  If you want to be a dancer, but you're in a wheelchair, you can still wheelchair dance!  If you want to be a scientist, you can be a scientist.  If you want to travel the world, you can travel the world.  You can do anything you set your mind to.  

And, I'm here to help you do just that.  To believe in yourself and make those dreams come true.  I can't do it for you, but I can cheer you on, and I will--the whole way through each coaching session.  If you work with me, I will be in your corner 110%, and help you through that journey of taking that dream and making it a reality.  

So, now you know a little bit about my motto.  I hope that you will consider working with me.  My email address is amy@acnlifecoach.com.  If you have any questions about this post or my coaching, just let me know.  Or you can comment below.  

Take care!  Catch you back here on Wednesday!