The Twilight Zone: Loneliness and Exhilaration During Life Transition

Hey there!  I was hoping to get this post in last night, but it didn't happen.  I'm sorry about that.  Fighting another cold.  I just had a cold that hung on for five weeks starting in mid-November.  So, I am less than pleased about starting it all over again.  Hopefully this one doesn't last as long.  My husband had round two as well and it only lasted a short time.  Crossing fingers.  I'm not filming a video this time around since I'm not feeling up to it.  I'll resume videos when I feel better.

Now, onto the subject of this week's post.  

The definition of "lonely" is:  being without company or being cut off from others.

The definition of "alone" is:  separated from others.

There's a big difference between being alone and being lonely.  I love my alone time and generally prefer it to socializing, except with my closest friends.  Lonely is another story.  Lonely feels draining and isolating and even frightening.  With the changes that have taken place in the last couple years, I find myself both cherishing alone time to contemplate my life and what I want it to be going forward (including who I want to in my life and who I don't) and feeling uneasy about the changes that have occurred so far, and yes, feeling lonely.  It is difficult, yet necessary, to go through these life transitions.  They can force us to be real and teach us a lot about ourselves.

Do you feel lonely even surrounded by people?

Do you love being alone but also long for deep connections with a select few, or even one person?

Are you going through a tough transition in your life where you feel as if you have lost your safety net:  your friends, family, confidantes, and others?  By choice or not, or a bit of both?  

Do you feel alone in the gut-wrenching negative sense even though you love alone time?

Do you feel as if you are disoriented?  

Do you feel as if this change, however unsettling, was needed in order to make valuable changes to your life that can help you start fresh?

Do you feel that there is a purpose to this process and that it will turn out right in the end?

I can answer "yes" to all the above questions.  How about you?  Consider these questions as they relate to your life and personal transition.  

For me, the transition was a bit by choice and a bit not at all.  And it rocked my world.  I tell my husband that it feels like living in the twilight zone.  That may be an exaggeration, because some pretty cool stuff has happened too, but so many things have changed in the last couple of years that it does feel like the twilight zone sometimes.  

But I do feel there is a purpose for this change.  I needed this shake up to make the changes that will lead me to the life I was meant to live.

It is excruciatingly difficult to go through something like this, yet it is so vital to you. To honor your truth.  To be who you are and to be who you are meant to be.  You have to follow your truth in order to be happy and healthy and live a meaningful life.  Following others down their path doesn't work, and your gut will tell you so if you listen closely.  You'll feel uneasy, off, tired, awkward, bored, unfulfilled.  Your essential self, as Martha Beck discusses in her book, "Finding Your Own North Star," will throw a fit and it will do you very well to listen to it.  It knows what you need.

It could get messy and be very uncomfortable, and lonely, and unorganized, as I can attest being in the middle of it myself, but all that stuff is part of the process of becoming who you were meant to be.  

So, what can you do to make it through the process?  Cry, scream, complain, mourn, rest, eat healthy, eat what you want to just because you want to once in awhile, but also celebrate that you are taking charge of your life and making the changes that are most dear and most real to you.  Those changes you need to make and that feel so right you can't quite believe it's taken this long to make them.

What can you do to make the process less uncomfortable and scary?

• Feel your feelings, don't try to snuff them out or bury them deep within.  Journal about those feelings, related thoughts, actions you've taken and actions you plan to take.  Anything that you need to get out, organize, and process.
• Reach out to a coach, a counselor, or a therapist for support.
• Confide in a friend or family member who you are super close to and can trust.
• Join local support groups through your faith organization, hospital or other community agencies, or start your own.
• Join Facebook groups for loners and the lonely.
• Know that, though you feel lost and lonely and confused, you are not truly alone.  There are people who can help you.  There are people who have been down the path you are following and succeeded at finding the life they have always wanted, a meaningful life.  Reach out to those people who resonate most to you.  Reach out to agencies as well.  To helper who can guide you and support you through this difficult, yet necessary, and yes, even exciting (it can fill you with trepidation as well as pure joy to follow your true path), time in your life.
• And always remember, you have your inner voice, your inner guidance system, to steer you toward your truth.  Relying on yourself is the best way to find and live the life you were meant to live.  A fulfilling life.  The life you have always wanted.  Trust yourself, honor yourself, believe in yourself, and then, others will come into your life who can help you live that life you were meant to live.  Again, go with your gut, search for and accept help from those who you feel have your back and are trustworthy.
• It takes guts to do what you are doing.  Rely on yourself and select others to do it.
• And celebrate your turning from a caterpillar to a butterfly, living your truth in vibrant color.

I'd love to hear your stories of life transition or help you to build confidence to begin your own life transition.  Comment below or email me at amy@acnlifecoach.com.  Have an amazing, transformative week!